Off Ice.

Chapter Eight.

Finn left for San Jose earlier this week and just like that, everything's back to how it was.

I don't want to do anything. I don't have the motivation to even to leave my bed, so forget about the apartment. I don't have the motivation to do the papers or other assignments I have due. I don't even have the motivation to read the books that I haven't gotten too yet. Even the things that I would do for fun or that I actually enjoy seem like chores. I'd rather just stay turned off and sleep for as long as I can.

I enjoy going to class more than I enjoy going to work, but I skip that sometimes because I feel like I can't even go there anymore. But I can't skip work and that just makes things a thousand times worse.

Cam's worries, I can see it. And I'm an absolute bitch because I'm not trying to hide how low I'm feeling. I should be. I don't want him to be upset with me that I'm being lazy or something.

Theo's called a bunch and he even came to the apartment last night, but Cam told him I wasn't home and wouldn't tell him where I was or let him inside. I know I'm going to break up with him, I just don't have the mental capacity to be screamed at right now.

After Casey and Finn left that night, I had a long conversation with Cam about it. It's really weird because I think I love Theo, I've been saying it for about 5 months now. A part of me does just want to forgive him and move on, but the other part of me knows that he's just not my forever person. I don't know how to describe it, but I just know he isn't. I can feel it.

But if he's not, then who the hell is? I know I'm only 22, but I'm surrounded by my friends who have been in stable relationships for years now. I get you're not just going to find your person on the first go, but fuck. I hate this.

It really sucks being so addicted to love when you don't even really believe in it.

I haven't heard from Finn since he left and I'm really trying to not be disappointed. I expected him to just fall of the face of the earth again, so I don't know why I'm anticipating my phone to go off and for it to be him. I know I shouldn't even want it, but I do. I'm not going to pretend that I don't.

Him being here made me feel the most normal and at ease that I've felt in I don't even know how long. I hate that I'm already craving that feeling again.

There's a knock on the door of my room before it's opened slightly, my blonde best friends head popping in. I give her a small smile as I'm curled into my blankets, but it doesn't even come close to reaching my eyes.

"Hey," she greets softly, walking in and closing the door behind her. Her hair is in a messy bun on the top of her head and she's wearing sweatpants and a plain white cropped top. She puts her bag down and kicks off her shoes, coming over to my bed and climbing in me with. She doesn't say anything else, she just lays on her side as she looks at me, the blankets covering her body as well.

"Are you okay?" I ask quietly.

"Just in a funk, and I had a feeling you were too so here I am," she shrugs, bringing her hands up to pick at her nails.

"When does Casey come back?" I ask, rolling onto my back and looking at the ceiling. She sighs and follows my actions, going into the same position as me. "Sunday. So two more days?"

"Where is he now?"

"Minnesota," she responds, folding her hands over her stomach. "I miss him a lot this trip for some reason. It's too quiet in the house, even with Dot."