Tried With Fire - (Ruth Harris Series)

Chapter 26

When Hunter and I arrived home from court, we didn't talk. I didn't want to, and he found that out pretty quickly. So we milled around the house for a little while until I got so bored and overtired that I knew I had to find something to do. My mind had been venturing into some unpleasant territory and I needed to occupy it. So, I offered to pick Olivia up from Mama's and Marco's.
               'Are you sure?' Hunter asked from his armchair. He was sketching something. I was attempting to watch Downton Abbey, but there were too many voices talking and my favourite character had just died after giving birth and suddenly I found myself petrified at the thought of going through labour again.
'Yeah. I need the time to myself.' I said. Hunter nodded.
'Okay. I can pick her up if you want, and then you can relax here -'
'I can drive.' I said. Bitterness was dripping off me like sweat on a hot day. 'I'm not unstable, like you thought I was the other night.'
'I didn't think you were unstable.' he sighed. 'I knew I'd upset you, so I didn't want you to go out driving at night. I would have done the same if you didn't have DID.'
'No you wouldn't.' I stood up and switched off the telly. 'My DID changes everything. I'm not the person I could be today, if Bertie hadn't... I'm a damaged person. Just admit it. I can't be trusted.'
'I won't admit that because it's not true.'
'Hunter, I'm worthless. Admit it! That's why you went and found yourself a new woman -'
'Oh, for goodness' sake!' Hunter suddenly bellowed. 'I did not find myself a new woman! Stop accusing me of that!'
'I'll stop accusing you when it stops being true.'
'Fine, do you want to know the truth?' Hunter said, angrily throwing his sketchpad down ad standing up. I folded my arms expectantly. 'I didn't tell you I hired Vanessa because I knew you'd feel threatened!'
               My arms and jaw dropped.
'What?'
'I know she's pretty, alright!? And I know she came along at a time when everything in my life was going to crap - that's why I kept her a secret! I knew exactly what you'd think when you met her. I knew you'd feel jealous and threatened because that's what you're like, Ruth. You never see how amazing you are, you wind up getting jealous of every woman who crosses my path... So, yes, I'm sorry, I lied, but I did it for you.' Hunter exhaled as if a massive weight had just been lifted off his shoulders. I, on the other hand, wanted to slap him again.
               'Are we really buying this story?'
'No.' I answered Hailey out loud. 'We're not. You're a real piece of work Hunter, you know that? You've been lying to me for months, telling me I'm the only woman you love and I mean everything to you, meanwhile you've got this other woman waiting for you at the office ready to say anything you want to hear and do anything you want to do, and now you tell me 'I did it for you'!? You, you pig! Don't ever do anything 'for me' again!'

I left to pick up Olivia before Hunter could reply. (He couldn't have wrestled the car keys out of my hand in that moment.)

Only, I didn't pick Olivia up at all.

I went somewhere else. Somewhere familiar to me.

I knew the huge building well: I had been there many times before. It still greeted my car into its car park with a sense of intimidation, but I parked there anyway and headed inside. At this point, I knew I had dissociated. I knew I was no longer in control of myself. I knew I was about to do something I would regret. I just didn't realise it was possible to regret a decision so much back then.

I greeted someone at the reception desk and asked after a man I knew by name. The 'someone' rang for the man to come and meet me. Then whoever had taken over my body sat in the waiting room, impatiently tapping our knee in anticipation. When I looked down I noticed I was still wearing my posh court clothes, only, they suited me better now. My legs looked skinnier, my tummy looked flatter and my boobs were bigger. My skin was paler, but less blotchy and unscarred. It was nice. I felt confident. I felt sexy and desirable and free from self-doubt. I was there, in that building, because I wanted something - someone, in particular. And before the clock's hand had changed, the man I had asked for was standing in front of me, smiling.
               'It's nice to see you again.' he said. X stood up and bit her lip excitedly. Ruth had never been able to do that without looking like I had an itch I was too lazy to bring my hand up to scratch.
'I'm not who you think I am.' X told the man. He raised his eyebrows a little. 'Call me X.'
'You can call me whatever you like, if that makes this easier for you.'
'I know your name. I've been thinking about you, constantly, since you met Ruth all those weeks ago.'
'We shouldn't be talking like this here.' the man said, glancing over his shoulder.
'I don't care who hears us.' X replied. 'All you need to know is that Ruth will have no memory of what we do to each other, and, darling, I want to do an awful lot to you right now.'
               The man looked stunned. He stared at the brazen woman in front of him, eyes alight.
'And, and what about your husband?'
'Worrying is not sexy, darling. Just focus on me, and how good I'll look naked.' X said, stepping indecently close to the man and stroking the back his neck. He was melting like an ice cube around her heels.
'I think about it a lot.' he said boldly. 'But we can't do this here.'
'Then take me somewhere private.' X pulled the man in by his tie and licked the side of his face. He tensed excitedly. 'And take me now.'