Tried With Fire - (Ruth Harris Series)

Chapter 32

Hunter and I didn't speak much between our tearful kiss in the car and sitting down together on the sofa at home, not out of contention but out of contentedness. We didn't need to fill the silences with idle words: we were back to being comfortable around each other, even if there were still a few problems staring us in the face.

Hunter exhaled and sat down beside me on the sofa, out of his bloodied shirt and into a t-shirt and trackies. I fiddled with the bottom of my own t-shirt - it was nice not having to wear something with sleeves for once. Hunter already knew my scars inside out, including the huge, repulsive one on my inner, left thigh and left palm, as well as the millions of minor ones that made the front of my thighs and left forearm look like plates of grated cheese. Hunter's hand stroked up to my shorts and back down to my knee, caressing the scars. He loved them in a way I thought I never would. He loved the evidence that I was a survivor.
               'Alright,' he said to me, 'now we can relax. Do you want a cup of tea, or a nap, or a bath, or a kiss?'
'All of the above. But, I feel guilty when I kiss you, and I'm not ready to sleep again yet. Who knows what fresh horror my mind would conjure up if I did.'
'Alright.' Hunter tried to smile at me, so I tried back. '...Ruth, do you want to smash something?'
'What?'
'Well Hailey told me, when we had that argument, that you need to let loose. She said you were sick of fake smiling and needed to get your frustration out, and I think she might be right. I think you've been acting composed for too long, through too much. You need to do something wild - like I did today.' Hunter said. He looked down at his raw knuckles again, smiling to himself. 'Remember when you told me I wasn't young and wild anymore?'
'I remember.' I replied, almost amused myself. 'Although I think I've had enough wildness these last few months. Thanks for the offer, Hulk, but I don't need to smash anything. I can deal with my pain. I always do.'
               Hunter sent me a knowing look, so I exhaled and added, 'Well what would you suggest I break? We don't have many frames left.'
'I've been thinking about it,' Hunter grinned, ignoring my reminder of his violent throw of our family picture two weeks ago, 'and I found the perfect thing in the loft yesterday.'
'Oh?'
'Do you remember that fancy tea set my mum and dad sent us when Olivia was born?'
'I remember being given the most random and useless gift ever for a new mum, yes.' I said, making Hunter laugh. He seemed happy again. It made me feel happy too.
'So we're in agreement then: the set is useless to us. Let's smash it.'
'What!? Hunter, we can't! It's worth a fortune.'
'Oh, Ruth, come on, it was my mum's petty way of flashing her cash at us when she knew we had a newborn and bills piling up. We've never even used it! The whole set is just wasting away in the corner of the loft.'
               When I still looked sceptical, Hunter lolled his head and continued, 'Plus, we both hate my parents right now and could do with smashing something up. Come on, amore mio. Let's do it.'
               I glanced between Hunter's hungry eyes for a minute.
'You're wrong.' I muttered.
'About what?'
'About me. I don't hate your parents.'
'Ah yes, I forget that you're so much holier than me.' Hunter snickered. At the sight of my offence he quickly took it back.
'I'm not trying to be holier than you, Hunter,' I said, 'but I pity your dad. I really do. I didn't at first, when he and Katherine came to see us in February, because I thought he was weak. I still think he's weak, to be honest, only, now I know that he's weak for a reason.'
'And what reason would that be?' Hunter asked, losing his enthusiasm for this conversation.
'He's been worn down! Your mum has treated him so badly, and been so dominant over him for so many years that he's lost his voice. He's lost his very sense of self! He can't even speak without looking to her for permission first, and that sucks, Hunter. That really sucks. A-and, and I sympathise with him. Bertie...' I cleared my throat, 'Bertie reminded me today how helpless and insignificant I used to feel. I used to be shy and timid and afraid of everything because he'd worn me down too. I don't know why I'm telling you all this, Hunter, you were there. You remember what I used to be like. I never used to give an opinion on anything unless I was asked to. I used to think I was worthless, and everything I said was worthless, and my every breath was worthless. That's how your dad feels now, amore mio. Katherine's ground him down to a powder: a spineless, crumbling powder, that can't stand against anything - or for anything - anymore.'
               Hunter stared at me for a long time after my little speech had finished. I wasn't sure what to do with myself. I glanced at his face, then his lips, then his muscular chest and arms and legs, and then I smiled, because he was smiling.
               'Why are you looking at me like that?'
'Because you're a very nice person!' Hunter shrugged. 'You're very understanding towards a man who has stood by and watched his wife try to tear your life apart. You're...very nice indeed.'
'Do you really think I'm very nice?' I said, more flirtatiously than my brain had intended. Hunter grinned and leaned forward, but I stopped his mouth from reaching mine with my hand. He opened his eyes.
'Hey, are we really back to this? You let me kiss you in the car!'
'Yeah, well that was before I started feeling all self-pitiful and guilty and depressed again.' I said. 'But you can help me, amore mio, by getting that stupid tea set down from the loft. Please.'
               Hunter eagerly stood up.
'I knew you'd want it. I'll be right back.'