Tried With Fire - (Ruth Harris Series)

Chapter 30

Despite the embrace Hunter and I had shared after my miscarriage, and the support he showed me on our visit to the hospital, we were still distant, still barely speaking, by the time the next court date rolled around. It seemed as though we couldn't be in the same room anymore without forgetting how to speak, getting under each other's feet or adding a spiteful undertone to everything the other did. We felt more distant now than we had when we were living apart.

It was Mama's turn to appear in court. Bertie's too. I don't know why Mr Jeong ever thought it was a smart idea to put me, my childhood rapist, mother and husband altogether in one room when we all hated him equally, but alas, that was the plan.
               I had spent all my recent sleepless nights trying to prepare myself for what that day would bring. I had spent hours and hours, in the twilight silence, trying to imagine what Bertie would look like, whether I would be able to look at the man at all, and what I would do to keep myself from dissociating in front of the judge. But by the time Olivia jumped on me and Hunter each morning, I still hadn't achieved anything more than a throbbing headache.

Mama, Marco, Hunter and I travelled to court together one morning. I sat in the back with Mama, while Marco sat beside Hunter and small talked in Italian with him for the entirety of the drive. Mama didn't make me speak much. She knew I was miserable. Instead, she put her arm around me, kissed my temple and told me that she was not going to let that monster hurt me again. It was, surprisingly, quite reassuring. But then we arrived at the courthouse and all my hopes shattered again.
               A lot of boring talk about laws, acts, policies and precedents seemed to waste the first hour of court away, until - to everyone's relief - the judge called a short break. Despite our gratitude for the chance to breathe, and console each other, we all knew this was the calm before the storm. Next Mama would be called on to testify, and then, and then...
'The monster who ruined your life is going to walk into that small, stuffy room, and probably give you a panic attack.'

Mama looked nervous when she was called up to the witness box. She squeezed my shoulder on her way past and offered Hunter a frail smile, but couldn't utter a word. Then she was told to stand in the little black cage while a man in uniform shut her in. I remember being shut in that waist-high trap, like an animal locked in an enclosure to be pointed at, forced into compliance and robbed of its family, freedom and felicity. It was horrible.
               'Good morning, Mrs Lori,' a familiar, fury-inducing voice rang out, 'my name is Mr Tyler. I am going to be asking you a few questions, and I trust that you will give me honest answers. You are under oath.'
'I know.' Mama muttered. She had a look in her eyes that said 'so this is the scumbag prosecuting my bambina to take her bambina away. I hate him'. She sent the same look to Phil and Katherine.
               'Alright then. Mrs Lori, can you please explain to the court why your daughter, Ruth Brookes, spent the majority of her teenage years living away from home?'
               Everyone in that courtroom who was on my side held their breath for a moment. I felt Hunter glance at me, but my eyes were shut too tightly to be certain or look back.
               'Er,' Mama shifted, 'well, Ruth moved out when she was sixteen. She moved back in with me when she was twenty one.'
'My question is why, Mrs Lori.' Mr Tyler said.
'Because, because we needed some time apart. Ruth needed better support than I could offer.'
'Where was Mrs Brookes from ages sixteen to seventeen, Mrs Lori?'
'She was...in a psychiatric hospital.' Mama sighed. My heart sank. 'I sent her there.'
'Where did she live afterwards?'
'Er, er, a few different places.' Mama stammered. 'Mostly council flats.'
'Who helped her find these council flats?'
'A man named Jonathan. He was Ruth's support group leader for, hmm, about five years.'
'But he isn't anymore?'
'No.'
'Why not?'
'Because Ruth doesn't need to attend a support group anymore - she's so healthy she runs her own one now!' Mama said, puffing out her chest.
'You seem very proud of your daughter's progress.' Mr Tyler said, his voice like butter. 'Can I ask, Mrs Lori, why you did not help her make that progress?'
'What?'
'That is a leading question, sir.' Mr Jeong said impatiently. 'And unnecessary.'
'Sustained. Mr Tyler, rephrase the question or ask another one.' the judge said.
'Yes, sir. Mrs Lori, can you explain to the judge why you did not help Mrs Brookes find a suitable place to live after she left the psychiatric hospital as a seventeen year old?'
               Mama glanced at Jeong for help but none could come this time.
'B-Because, because we were not on speaking terms.'
'Did Mrs Brookes reject your help?'
'No.' Mama admitted painfully. 'I rejected to offer it.'
               I finally raised my eyes and saw Mama gulping back some tears. Marco was sitting behind me, but I could feel his arms burning to reach out to her.
               'Mrs Lori,' Mr Tyler continued, oddly satisfied with that line of questioning, 'are you aware that Mrs Ruth Brookes was frequently sexually assaulted as a child by your ex-partner, Mr Robert Carter?'
'Yes. I am, now.'
'When did you find out about his actions towards your daughter?'
'I, I walked into her room when she was sixteen, and h-he, he,' Mama choked, 'he was raping her.'
               'Keep being strong, Ruth.' Charity whispered when I felt my heart stop beating. I put my head in my hands. 'You can handle this. He can't hurt you anymore. It's over. It's in the past. You're safe now.'
'How can you say that when Bertie will be walking through that door any minute now!? The sight of him alone might finish me off!'
'Don't give him that power over you, my dear. Hunter is right beside you -'
'Stop glancing at the door, Ruth. At least try to act interested in what's going on right now. Quick, the judge is looking at us!'
               'Mrs Lori,' Mr Tyler continued, 'you said at Mr Carter's trial that you, and I quote, 'walked in on him undressing my daughter and holding her down on her bed. He was telling her to be quiet or he would hit her again.' What did you do, Mrs Lori, when you saw this happening?'
               Mama took a moment before answering. She kept looking at me, but I couldn't meet her eyes. I was digging my nails into the back of my neck while I rested against the desk in front of me. Hunter slowly, silently, guided my hands back down and stroked them. His warm grasp could almost ease their shaking.
               'I, I,' Mama said, when she could, 'I shouted for Andy to come and help me. He was eighteen at the time - he is Ruth's brother, sorry. He came upstairs and helped me get Bertie out of Ruth's room. Bertie didn't fight us against us much - I think he knew he had no way out at that point. Then I called the police and tried to comfort Ruth until they arrived.'
'When did you arrange for your daughter to go to a psychiatric hospital, Mrs Lori?'
'It was about a week after that. She tried to, to, er, to, kill herself, so she was detained in hospital and moved to a psychiatric hospital when I asked for it.'
               Mr Tyler shook his head and sighed. Then he consulted his notes again.
'Mrs Lori, are you aware that when Mrs Brookes left the psychiatric hospital at seventeen years old, she was homeless for over a month before being given a council flat?'
'I, I think so.'
'Are you aware that during that month, your daughter was admitted to various hospitals due to being abused and raped? And are you aware that over the course of that entire year, Mrs Brookes spent a total of fifteen nights in local jails?'
               Hunter looked at me again. I shuddered and tried to keep my fingers away from my neck. I think it was bleeding. Hunter waited a long time for me to look back at him, but when I did it was only a quick glance. He seemed heartened by it nonetheless.
               'I, I didn't. No. I didn't know about that.' Mama said sadly. She dried her eyes, which were stuck on me. 'I'm so sorry, bambina.'
'Well in that case, Mrs Lori, allow me to fill you in.' Mr Tyler said, looking at his notes again. 'Between seventeen and eighteen years old, your daughter was detained on the charges of: drunk and disorderly, disorderly conduct, drunk and disorderly, substance abuse, indecent exposure, drunk and disorderly, drunk and disorderly, substance abuse again, - the list goes on! She was lucky to not have been charged, as she was a minor at the time. She was issued warnings when she reached eighteen however. Did you know about any of this, Mrs Lori? Louder please.'
'No.' Mama grumbled.
'Thank you. I am nearly finished, sir.' Mr Tyler said when the judge seemed bored. 'Mrs Lori, why did Mrs Brookes move back into your home at twenty one years old, after five years away from you?'
'Because, she needed help.'
'Can you elaborate on that please?'
'Ruth went into the hospital for a while when she was twenty one.' Mama said, sniffing. 'She had alcohol poisoning, and she was in a coma for about a month. I had her home to live with me again after that.'
'But why then? Why did you wait so long to reach out to her?'
'Because I couldn't face her before!' Mama suddenly cried. 'I couldn't stand to watch her life get destroyed because of me. I couldn't stand to see that I'd missed all the signs and let Bertie hurt her for so long. It broke my heart to look at her.'
               Hearing Mama say that broke my heart too. I put my fists against my chest and tried to breathe. It was getting harder and harder with every question answered. 'A-And, so,' Mama finished, 'I tried to live without her, making myself believe that she was out there, somewhere, living a good life. But then I got contacted by the hospital and they told me Ruth was in a coma, likely not going to survive, so I had to help her then. I had to stop deluding myself that day, and admit that she wasn't better off alone. No one ever is.'
               'This is my last question, Mrs Lori.' Mr Tyler said, after giving Mama a minute to dry her eyes. His cold eyes rested on her. 'You neglected your daughter for most of her adolescence, meaning that Mrs Brookes has never had a stable parent of her own. Therefore, why should we believe that she is emotionally equipped to raise a child herself?'
'That is an unnecessary and unfair question.' Mr Jeong said, standing up to object. The judge agreed, but his concerned face showed which side he was really on.
'Alright. Thank you, Mr Tyler. Mr Jeong, you may question the witness now.'
               Mr Tyler sat down. Mr Jeong took his place, but not before offering Mama a tissue.
               'It seems you have endured a lot of heartbreak, Mrs Lori.' he said. Mama nodded. 'I can only apologise for that. Might I inquire, ma'am, as to the man who caused all this grief in your family?'
'Bertie? Yes. Of course.'
'Thank you. Now, Mr Robert Carter has been in prison for the last sixteen years and has another four years left of his sentence. He was not offered parole when he was sentenced, is that correct?'
'It is.'
'Can I ask why you think that may be?'
'Because, because, the judge said his crimes were too, er, well, I don't know the word.' Mama said. 'Violent. Evil.'
'I think those words are suitable.' Mr Jeong said kindly. 'I'm sure nobody in this room would argue that the frequent rape of a child is not violent and evil! After all, that is why we have laws in place to convict the people who commit such acts.'
'Of course.' Mama agreed tearfully.
               'Mrs Lori, you testified at Mr Carter's trial all those years ago, did you not? And you said something interesting. You said, and I quote: 'I hate Bertie for what he has done to my daughter. He is evil and disgusting and deserves the death penalty. He has ruined my daughter's life.' I find that interesting. You said he ruined your daughter's life. Do you still agree with that statement?'
'N-No.' Mama said, as if the answer had been rehearsed. 'He did ruin Ruth's life, for a while, but she's rebuilt it around herself now. These last ten years Ruth has been reliable and stable, she hasn't committed any crimes and she hasn't needed to go to a psychiatric hospital or rehab even for one night! She is a great mother, wife and daughter. This whole case is a waste of all our time.'
'I will be the judge of that.' the judge said gruffly. Mama gulped.
'Thank you, Mrs Lori.' Mr Jeong said. I looked up, shocked at how quickly he had managed to make his point. 'Sir, I have a document that I would like to read for the court, if I may.'
'Make it quick.'
'Why do people like him do jobs they very clearly hate doing?'
'Money. Status. Pride. That's how you know you love your work, Ruth: it doesn't give you any of those things!'
'Yes, thank you for that, Julie.'
               Mr Jeong took a piece of paper out of his folder on the table, and began to speak again.
'This is an affidavit provided to me by Dr Westone, a well-known and very credible psychiatrist, which I submitted to the judge on the day of our last hearing...'
               Alert, I leaned forward on the desk in the courtroom, anxious to hear what Dr Westone had had to say about me. One vague word, and Mr Tyler would twist it. This had to be good.
               Mr Jeong went on, 'Mrs Brookes' past therapist wrote a statement regarding her progress over the four months in which he was her therapist, as well as in the time he spent with her in more recent years during a shared authoring project. Dr Westone writes: 'Ruth Brookes is a healthy, well-adjusted woman who has come to embrace and value her diagnosis of Dissociative Identity Disorder, and I can say that more absolutely than I can for any other patient I have had. She understands her condition better than I ever will, and has come to a place in her life where she is communicative with her alternate personalities, suppresses them where necessary, and works hard every single day to be a good mother, wife, daughter and friend. She has a caring, determined nature, which one has to look no further than her reputation in the mental health community to see.
               If everyone with mental health conditions worked as hard as Ruth does, and loved as strongly as Ruth does, there would be no need for psychiatric hospitals. She has dedicated her life to helping people, and has guided more souls onto the right path than I have in four decades of practising psychiatry, simply because she is a survivor who inspires others. She may doubt herself at times, but that is understandable; after all, every now and then someone puts her in situation where she feels worthless: be it rape, physical assault or gratuitous court cases.''
               My smile grew as the statement went on, until I finally had enough strength in me to squeeze Hunter's proud hands back.
               'Is there a question?' the judge asked, the boredom on his face lifting ever so slightly.
'Yes. Mrs Lori?'
'Yes?' Mama answered Jeong.
'As Mrs Brookes' mother, do you agree with Dr Westone's statement? After all, you see your daughter in a different environment than he does. Do you see the same qualities in Ruth?'
'Of course!' Mama smiled. 'Of course I do. Ruth doesn't deserve to be doubted and prosecuted when she is a better mother than I or anyone else ever has been!'
               Mr Jeong smiled at her, then at the judge, then at Hunter and me.
'Sir, those are the only questions I have for Mrs Lori. I would like to request a short break before calling my next witness.'
'On what grounds?'
'This is an emotionally trying case, sir.' Mr Jeong said obviously.
               The judge glanced over the lot of us and sighed. I had happy tears streaming down my face and blood down the back of my neck - which was hopefully concealed by my hair, but the exhaustion on my face couldn't be hidden.
'Alright.' he sighed. 'We'll take a five minute break.'