Tried With Fire - (Ruth Harris Series)

Chapter 36

'It really is a small world we live in.' I heard from behind my shoulder. I gasped and turned around to see Phil Brookes standing right there, not ten paces away, with one hand in his pocket, looking directly at me.
'What the - how did you find me? Did Hunter send you? Does he know I'm here?'
'No.' Phil approached me and put his hand on Grandma's gravestone. 'I just thought I'd come and see her one more time before we leave.'
               I glanced up at Hunter's dad, who was smiling weakly at the fresh bouquet of flowers sitting below Grandma's name.
'Please go away.' I thought, still nervously glancing around the graveyard. 'I want to be alone.'
'Haha!'
'What's so funny Hailey?'
'What do you think!? This geezer just spent two weeks in Leeds to be alone, and now she comes back to Southampton for ONE DAY to see Grandma, and she just happens to bump into the most frustrating man on the planet! I mean, of all the people!'
'Well, the universe does like to have its fun.'
               'So you're going back to Dubai then.' I mumbled when Hunter's father didn't leave. I kept my head down, hiding my lack of makeup, lack of enthusiasm, the dark bags under my eyes and the blotchiness that follows after tears.
'Er, yes.' Phil replied. 'Our flight leaves at eleven o'clock tonight.'
'That would be the flight that very nearly took my daughter thousands of miles away from me.'
'And where is the Jezebel you brought with you?'
'Katherine,' he said gently, 'is at Grandma's house, waiting for me.'
'She wouldn't come with you to visit your mother's grave?'
'There are a lot of things my wife won't do, Ruth.'
'But she'll use Grandma's house as a free hotel, sure.' I muttered.
'Well, I suppose we lived there before my mother did - in Katherine's eyes, that makes my mother the intruder, not her.'
'Huh!' I laughed bitterly. 'You really do worship your wife, don't you? You always manage to put her in a good light, no matter how evil she's being.'
'I do not worship her. I married her - she is my wife.'
'But you don't love her.'
'I, I do.' Phil stammered, shifting his weight from one foot to another.
'Alright. But you don't like her.'
'I, I, I...'
               Feeling smug, I snorted and started to walk away from Grandma's grave. I had said everything I needed to say to her that afternoon. She understood my running away. She hated it, but she understood.
               Phil kept to my side, striding through the grass exactly as Hunter would have if he was there. He sounded so alike to my husband that if I closed my eyes and listened to him speak, I could easily be misled. Even with my eyes open, the two of them could be mistaken for the other. Like Hunter, Phil was a neat, debonair man with hair like Matt Bomer's, a clean shaven jaw and air of allure. Both of them could wear jeans and a t-shirt with all the dignity of a three piece suit, but Hunter was cheekier than his dad: livelier and more sportive. I suppose Phil's domineering wife was to blame for that variation.
               The next time I glanced up at Phil, I suddenly felt as if we were stuck in some Jane Austin book, strolling through the flower-spotted churchyard with the breeze lifting the hair from our faces, our conversation desultory, awkwardly formal and phlegmatic. I half expected to find a bonnet tied around my head, or a handlebar moustache growing out of Phil's! Only, in this twisted version of Pride and Prejudice that was my life, my Mr Darcy had been separated from me by his evil mother, and here was his gentleman father, trying to comfort me without really changing the situation.
'You sound like an idiot, Ruth. Don't talk about books you've never read.'
'At least she can read, Hailey.'
               'Hunter misses you.' Phil sighed after a while. I tried to act as if the news meant nothing to me, but I am fairly certain he saw the sad flicker in my eyes before I masked it. He continued, 'He's been a mess these last two weeks. He doesn't know where you are, you haven't been answering any of his messages and he, he's heartbroken.'
'Well, he'll have to get over it.' I said harshly. The world had proven itself plenty harsh to me, and I always was one to try and fit in.
'No,' Phil disagreed, 'he'll never get over it, Ruth. He loves you. Deeply.'
               I couldn't help staring up at Phil when he said that. He was a good man, with morals and a kind heart, but I hadn't seen that side of him for fifteen years now. I could see it just then. I could see the Hunter in him.
'Why are you saying all this, Phil?' I asked. But before he could open his mouth to answer, anger had lit a fire in my heart and I was helpless but to continue, 'I don't get you. One minute you're holding your silence in court while I face the man who raped me - the man you used to call a friend -, and the next you're telling me Hunter loves me! Do you like me or not? Whose side are you on?'
               Phil was quiet until we reached the top of the hill again, then stood awkwardly beside the monumental old church casting a shadow over us. He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. His mannerisms, looks and voice all reminded me so much of Hunter that I had to resist the urge to kiss him!
               'Ruth,' Phil sighed, 'look, I-I think I should just be honest with you: I don't know whose side to be on. I know you'll hate me for saying it, but you and Katherine are so similar sometimes. You are both so driven, and stubborn! You always know what you want. You clearly both want Hunter and Olivia to be happy, but you are trying to make that happen in very different ways.'
'Are you being serious right now?' I asked, my tone dropping dangerously low. Phil fidgeted a little. 'Phil, are you seriously comparing me to that witch? I LEFT my family so that they could STAY a family! Katherine doesn't give a damn about Hunter and Olivia's happiness! She just wanted me out of the picture, and she got it. She won! She beat me and she's proud of herself for it, Phil. So don't tell me we're alike, because we're not. I've done a lot of stupid things over the years but I am not evil. She is evil.'
'Ruth, she only wants to make everyone happy -'
'Oh come on!' I argued emotionally. 'You know that's not true! She thinks I'm crazy! She thinks I should be locked up in a mental institution and left to rot, while her son and granddaughter try their best to get by alone. She doesn't view me as a human being, with feelings, who's just been hurt.'
               Phil let out a big sigh. I started walking again. He followed.
               'Katherine should think more highly of you.' he said after a few steps. 'It took a lot of strength for you to leave the way you did, Ruth. It shows a lot about your character.'
'Well Katherine doesn't think so, and the world seems to revolve around her opinions.' I grumbled. 'Even you, a man who has known me since I was born, watched her destroy my entire life. How could you do that to me Phil?'
'Because Katherine is my wife, Ruth, and I have to stand by her.'
'No, you don't!' I cried, stopping again. 'You don't have to stand by her when she's tearing happy families apart and pushing me towards a relapse! You have to draw a line somewhere - you're a human being too, with thoughts in your head and feelings and opinions. I think you've forgotten that, somewhere along the way.'
               Phil looked back down at the grass again. In hindsight I realise that I spoke very patronisingly and insolently to my elder, but at the time I could have rewarded myself for keeping such composure.
'She is my lot in life, my dear.' he replied quietly. I think his voice shook ever so slightly. 'She is the other half of my flesh.'
'Well Hunter was mine, but you didn't honour that.' I said, starting to cry. I sniffed and wiped my eyes before the leak in the dam got any worse.
               Then, when Phil said nothing, I shook the hair out of my face, squared my shoulders and finished, 'Look, Phil, I want to be alone. So, I, I guess, have a good flight. Bye.' And I started to walk away.
               'Ruth!' Phil soon called out. I paused at the church gate. 'You... You look hungry. Let me take you out for some food, or a coffee.'
'I don't drink coffee.'
'Tea then! Wait, Ruth!'
'Why are you being so nice to me all of a sudden?' I asked irritably, turning around for a moment. Phil looked sad: I hadn't seen him look anything but blank for years, so it was almost nice. 'You never make your mind up about how you feel, do you? Hell, your mood swings are worse than mine!'
'We both seem to want to figure each other out.' Phil said. 'Let me take you for a cup of tea somewhere, and we can try.'
               I looked back at Phil again, before giving in to his shining green eyes. I suppose I'd been deprived of companionship for so long that even frustrating old Hunter's dad felt like a breath of fresh air.
'Fine.' I capitulated. '- But only because I'm lonely and depressed, and I can't afford to keep buying myself hot food.'
'Alright then.'