AJR-Panic Attacks

Ryan- 15 (Test)

RYANS POV

"You have 2 hours to complete the test, and you may leave once you have finished." Mr. Markley announces before handing out the paper that will determine whether or not I get into Columbia. I'm actually shocked that I haven't full-out panicked before the test. I normally get extremely nervous, and then my palms go sweaty, and then my heart starts racing and pounding through my body, and it leads to a panic attack. My hands are sweaty now, causing my pencil to keep slipping around in my fingers while writing my name. I look at the first question.

'Describe, in detail...'

Ok, easy enough, I actually know this answer.

I get through about half the test, when I really start freaking out.

Just breathe. In. Out.

But it doesn't work. I try again. Still, I don't get enough air and I start gasping. Something in my brain turns on my fight or flight response, and all I want to do is run. Run out of this room, this building, to somewhere safe.
I drop my pencil and race out of the room. Into the hallway I run, trying to find somewhere safe to sit and catch my breath for a bit. I give up and fall down to lean against some lockers. All I could do was shake and gasp for air. Air isn't staying in my lungs longer than 5 seconds, and I start crying. My knees are pulled into my chest, and I shakily grab out my phone. I try to control my breathing long enough to phone Adam. He's in between semesters right now, so he doesn't have anything to do all day, so I know he'll answer.

"Hey Ry, what's up?" Adam answers. It feels like my throat is closing up, so I don't talk.

"Ry?? You ok?" I let out a whimper of sorts, hoping he'll hear it.

"You having another anxiety attack?" Adam asks. I nod, but he obviously can't see it.

"Ok. Ry, you have to remember that this will end. I promise. Just take some deep breaths, ok? You're not losing control, you're just fine. I'm sorry I can't be there to help in person."

"I-it h-hurts!" I cry, my lungs feeling like they've been stabbed.

"Are your feet on the ground?" He asks me.

"Y-yeah." I mumble.

"Focus on that for me, ok? Your feet are grounding you and calming you down. Remember to breathe slowly bud, you're just fine. Just breathe. In, out."
Slowly but surely, I manage to calm down. My chest lightened up, and I felt less out-of-the-world than the past 10 minutes.
Once I had managed to get my breathing under control, Adam asks me,

"Wanna talk about it?" I get a little stressed because I need to finish the test, but I don't want to walk back into class.

"Y-yeah I uhh... I'm doing the big test I was talking about earlier. It's stressing me out a lot." I mumble, still trying to recover.

"Ok. Listen to me- regardless of how you do on the test, it's not a indicator of how smart you are. You know you do worse on tests than on projects. As long as you do your best, that's all that matters. You're gonna do just fine Ry, ok?"

"Ok." I sigh, heaving a deep breath.

"Alright. Let me know when you're done your test. You'll do great."

"Ok. Thanks Adam."

"Anytime. Ok, bye."

"Bye." And the call ended. I take a moment to prepare myself for the stares I'll get once I go back into class. I take a few deep breaths now that I could, and stood up to head back. As quietly as possible, I head back into class, trying to ignore the stares of annoyance. I quickly sit back in my seat and pick up my pencil to resume my test. Everyone else finished pretty quickly after I came back, but I still had half the test to do, so I was the last one to hand it in. I quickly fled the classroom after I was done, avoiding any questions from my teacher.
I walked straight home, going immediately to my room to avoid social interaction. I knew Adam was out for the day, and Jack was in class, so neither of them would be home until around 4, and I got home around 2. I laid in bed doing nothing for a while, trying to get my mind off of the test.
Eventually, I hear the door open, and I internally groan, as I don't want to talk about my day, and that's all that whoever it is will ask. It turns out to be Adam, coming into my room and sitting on my bed.