AJR-Panic Attacks

Ryan- 13 (Pre-Production)

ADAMS POV

I glance over at Ryan, who's sitting on one of the tour travel boxes, imagining what he's thinking. He seems pretty stressed about all the production, but I know he just wants to get it all exactly how he imagined it to be. As I stare at him, I notice more and more of his coping mechanisms, clearly signalling his anxious thoughts. His one hand was itching the palm of his other, his leg was shaking, and his breathing was exactly how it is when he's about to freak out. His breath is short and shallow, but he's trying to control it by breathing in through his mouth, and out his nose. He's trying to get more oxygen in his lungs, but I have a feeling it won't stay in for very long. I know he hates it when someone points out his nervous habits, so I don't say anything. I just watch him a bit longer, hoping he doesn't get worse. But, inevitably, he does. He adds to his nervous habits by checking beside him every time something moves or makes a sound. I can tell he's on edge, but I don't know if I should say anything. I watch him just a few more seconds before walking over to him.

"You ok?" I ask as casually as possible. I crouch down in front of him, meeting his eyes, which are fixed staring off into space, somewhere between the ground and the stage. He nods his head, quickly saying,

"Oh yeah, I'm fine." But the look in his eyes says differently.

"Ry.... don't lie." I start. "I know you better than that."

"What?" He laughs to hide his fear. "I'm fine!"

"Ryan." I scold, my big brother instincts going through the roof. "I see what you're doing. You're itching again, you're doing your breathing thing again.. I know you Ry, you're anxious. What's up?" I ask.

"I uhh....." he starts, knowing he's not getting out of this one. "I'm scared." He mumbles out, so faint I could barely pick it up.

"What are you scared of Ry?" Before he even gets a chance to answer, he starts freaking out. His habits have gotten worse and have also invaded his body. His shaking leg becomes shaking everything, and his breathing gains speed, without him trying to control it. He reaches a hand up to his chest, feeling his heartbeat. I know it's going super fast, which scares him even more, causing his breath to disappear in his throat. I stand up in front of him, knowing I have to get him away from this environment of loud noises and lots of lights. I grab his arm that's on his chest and pull it up, his hand staying frozen on his chest. He stands up and I wrap my arm around his shoulders.

"Come on." I mumble, leading him away to a small green room we had set up with lots of food and drinks. I let him go to sit down on the one couch in the room. He right away pulls his knees up to his chest, hugging them close to him. He continues hyperventilating as he lays his head down on his knees. I quickly grab a water bottle from the table before cautiously going over to him, kneeling on the floor beside him. I gently place a hand on his arm, letting him know I'm here.

"Take a deep breath." I state, hoping he's listening.

"I-I... I can't!" He whimpers, his voice wheezing from hyperventilating.

"Ry, I know you can do this. I've seen you do it a million times. Just take a deep breath." I say as I start to rub his back softly. It's true, I've seen Ryan have a bunch of anxiety attacks, but this is the worst one in years.

"It's not working I can't!" He cries.

"Ok. Just take your time. Settle down, you're ok. I'm right here, everything is ok." I mutter.
"You have nothing to be scared of. You're ok bud. You're ok."

"I-I can't b-breathe!" He cries out again.

"Here, let's try some deep breathing together, ok?" I suggest. "Breathe in through your nose, out through your mouth." I do the actions as I say them, slowly getting Ryan to do it with me.
"Good job Ry. Just a couple more. Breathe in through your nose, out through your mouth." He's slowly starting to control his breathing. I commend him every time he breathes with me, making him more confident and more likely to keep going.
"Let's do three more." I state, urging him to do three more deep breaths, calming him down almost entirely. I reach down and grab the water bottle as he does his final deep breath.