AJR-Panic Attacks

Ryan- 5 (Post-Show Panic)

Ryans POV

Showtime. We've done this so many times already. I love performing, but today I'm not feeling well and I don't feel like doing the show. I feel kinda bad though. I usually tell Adam and Jack when I'm not feeling well but I didn't today. I don't know why. We go out to do the show and I kept messing up. I never mess up. I think Jack and Adam are starting to catch on. When Jack is pointing out people in the audience, Adam comes over to me and asks me,
"Hey, you ok?" I nod it off.
"Yeah I'm fine." I lie.
"Ry, you're not usually messing up. What's going on?" Adam asks.
"I'm fine." I lie again. Adam gives up trying to get something out of me and walks back to his side. We finish the show and I run off to the bus immediately. I didn't even stop to get my phone or anything. I run to the back of the bus where I know people won't find me for at least a little bit. I sit down on the couch and crumple into a ball. I've been shaking since the show started. I knew this was going to happen. I pull my knees up to my chest and fold my arms over my knees. I bury my head in my arms and I break down crying. I'm crying so much that my breath can't catch up and my heart is going crazy. I take off my glasses and put them on the arm rest beside me. I start hyperventilating and I can't calm myself down. I faintly hear the door of the bus opening and my mind goes crazy to who it would be and who will find me. I end up ignoring it and continue attempting to calm myself down. It's not working. I hear the bus door again a minute later and I hear footsteps getting closer.
"Ry? You in there?" It's Adam. I forgot I closed the door to the back lounge. I can't answer. The door opens and I can hear Adams heart breaking. It's my fault I didn't tell him.
"Ry, what's wrong?" He says sitting beside me carefully, trying not to get me more stressed. I appreciated that.
"Hey, Ryan, what's wrong?" Adam tries again. I can't answer. I just keep crying and hyperventilating. Adam puts a gentle hand on my shoulder.
"Hey Ry, it's ok, I'm right here, you're ok." He says to me. It was nice to know he was there. "I just want you to breathe in and out, ok?" He asks. That's what I want too, but I can't.
"I-I can't!" I stutter out.
"Shhh, it's ok. Breathe in through your nose, out through your mouth." He says. I liked that he gave me simple instructions, and I attempted to follow them.
"There ya go." Adam says as I started calming down. Adam started rubbing my back gently and that definitely helped. Once I calmed down enough I lifted my head and started wiping the tears off of my face.
"What's wrong Ry?" Adam asks me again. I think I can answer now.
"Everything." I sigh.
"Elaborate?" Adam asks.
"Everything. I've been feeling off all day and I didn't have the same excitement as usual before the show and I have writers block and Alyssa broke up with me before the show." I say, not looking at Adam. Adam just wraps me in a calming big brother bear hug. That definitely relaxed me a lot more.
"I'm sorry Ry." Adam says.
"It's ok. It's not your fault." I say. Adam pulls away.
"Should I call Jack to give you a hug too?" Adam asks.
"Sure." I say. I go silent as Adam texts Jack.
"How did you find me anyways?" I ask after a second.
"Dane found you and texted me." Adam answers. I nod. That means Dane saw me crying. Oh well. This crew is so nice that I don't think he will care. I hear the door to the bus open again and Jack comes knocking on the door.
"Can I come in?" He asks.
"Yep." Adam says. Jack opens the door and comes over and immediately gives me a hug. Jack sits on the foot rest beside the couch.
"So what's wrong?" Jack asks. I take a breath to explain but Adam does for me. I was thankful because I didn't want to remind myself of anything. Once Adam finishes, Jack says,
"I'm so sorry Ry. That's awful."
"It's ok. It's not your fault." I say.
"Do you want to uncrumple?" Adam asks me. I shake my head no. I didn't quite feel safe enough yet and I was still shaking and pretty tense from what happened.
"Alright. Take your time." Adam says. We sat in the back lounge just talking for a bit. I subconsciously started getting less tense and I put my legs down so they were criss crossed.
"Do any of you have my phone?" I ask after a while of us talking and laughing.
"Oh yeah, here." Jack says, and hands me my phone. "I saw it in the dressing room as we realized you were gone. We then sent basically half the crew on a mission to find you. We were getting nervous until Dane found you."
"Wait, how do you know Dane found me?" I ask.
"Oh, he put it in the group chat. Adam made sure no one else came to bug you." Jack says. As much as I appreciated the crew looking for me, I'm sad they know I was crying and panicking. I start over thinking their reactions and crumple back up into a ball. Adam and Jack notice immediately and try to get me to relax again. I can't focus on what they're saying though. All of a sudden I snap out of it to see Jack and Adam looking very concerned.
"Woah, what happened Ry?" Jack asks.
"I zoned out and started overthinking." I say sadly.
"You're probably just tired." Adam says. "You should get some rest."
"Yeah.. I don't know if I'll sleep though." I say quietly.
"Well, the only way to find out is to try." Jack says standing up and reaching his hands out for me to grab. I grab them and stand up. Jack wraps me in a big bear hug like Adam did. I pull away after a moment and Adam does the same.
"Thanks guys." I say, pulling away from Adam.
"Anytime Ry, now get some sleep." Adam says. I walk down to my bunk and crawl in and fall asleep shortly after. Man I have the best brothers ever.

(A/N- if you get the Alyssa reference, 10 points for you :))