AJR-Panic Attacks

Ryan- 17 (OSN)

RYANS POV

I really don't want to do this again. It freaks me out every time. The fear and anxiety in me is getting worse and worse every time we do it. I hate it.

"Ok, take 9." One of the crew guys shouts out. He sounds annoyed.

Am I the reason he's annoyed? I mean, I keep messing up this bit, but maybe if we do it one more time, it'll be the one.

I can feel myself getting worse though, which makes me think that it'll be the worst one ever.

"Ready and... action!" The crew guy calls out. The wires pick me up and I start floating.

No no no no no make it stop. I hate this. Everyone in the crew seems annoyed with me and I feel uncomfortable. I wanna get down.

I can feel my breathing getting faster as I get pulled up higher. With every passing second I feel worse. My mind went blank and I freeze up. My hearing went away and I can only hear my thoughts.

Get me down get me down get me down GET ME DOWN

"We have to get him down from there, he's freaking out." Cat calls out to the crew. I feel myself getting lower, and Cat comes up to me to keep me steady as I feel my feet getting planted on the ground. I start crying just out of panic, freaking out about the wires still attached to me. For some reason I think they're gonna pull me back up again, and I freak out.

"Get them off of me!" I mumble out through the tears. I hear Cat's voice in front of me, as she rests her hands on my sides, stopping my frantic motions of panic trying to get the wires off of me.

"Hey, Ry, stop." I focus on her as I feel someone taking the wires off of me. "It's ok. Look, you're on the ground now, I'm right here."

"We'll let you guys take 5." The crew guy decides.

"Wanna go to the dressing room for a bit?" Cat asks me. I can't even answer her. I'm so panicked, I can't think straight.
"Hey." Cat gets my attention, causing my panicked eyes to fall into her much calmer ones. "It's ok. Breathe."

"I-I can't!" I squeak out.

"Come on." Cat says, leading us away to the dressing room. We pass almost everyone between the stage and the dressing room, which I hated. I don't want people to watch me freak out like this. As soon as we get in, everything becomes more calming. Cat leads me to sit down on the couch against the back wall. I immediately pull my knees up to my chest, curling into a ball. Cat pulls me into her, wrapping her arms around me tight.

"Just breathe Ry. It's ok."

"I can't!!" I cry out, burying my face into Cat's shirt. She runs her fingers through my hair softly. It's the only thing that seems to be helping. I feel so bad reacting like this. So stupidly.

It wasn't that big of a deal Ryan, seriously.

But I literally cannot breathe. Every breath feels like a million daggers storming through my chest. I feel so weird. Like I'm floating in outer space. Nothing is keeping me in the real world.

Am I even in the real world? It feels like I'm dying. Nothing feels safe here.

"Ry, hey." Cat states. "Focus on me."

"It's not working!!" I feel a kiss on my head, as Cat continues running her fingers through my hair.

"Do you feel my fingers in your hair?" Cat questions. I nod, nuzzling into her shirt again.
"Good. You're doing good Ry, it's ok." My hands were turning red by how tightly they were gripped around her shirt. I feel so bad. All I want is to calm down, but I can't.