AJR-Panic Attacks

Jack- 5 (Bud Like You)

Jacks POV

Someone invited us to a party. I want to go. But do I? I like people. Sometimes. Adam couldn't join us at the party. At least Ryan will be there. I wouldn't go if he didn't. I would get too nervous.
"Jack, it's time to go." Ryan calls from the entry way. I grudgingly get up from my bed and head out with Ryan. We get in a taxi, just to be safe. Not that taxis are that safe though. We get to the party and get out of the car. I actually don't know if I know anyone here. There's no celebrities here. We get into the party and me and Ryan look at each other, confused.
"Where are we?" I ask Ryan.
"At a party! Come on Jack, have some fun!" Ryan says. I look at him, concerned.
"Hey, it's ok Jack. Try to have some fun. If you need anything I'm here. Tell me when you want to leave and don't get too drunk." Ryan says.
"Can we stay together for the first bit please?" I ask Ryan hesitantly.
"Yes. Alright, come on, let's go have some fun." Ryan says. We go over to the group of people and try to make some friends. How did we even get invited to this party? I know no one here. Ryan, Mr. Popular, makes friends with basically everyone there. After a while talking with everyone, me and Ryan slowly start to distance ourselves from the people to take a look at how truly terrible this party was. Did I know anyone here? I think I knew a girl who knew the host, but she's heading home. Or at least I think that's her. We went to the DJ booth to see if we knew the guy running it, and we saw that the DJ booth wasn't even plugged in. What? This is such a weird party. I saw a disco ball in the other room earlier. Ryan and I get separated and I find myself in a very small room with a ton of lights blinding me in every direction. I feel my chest pounding in my head, my hearing starts to go away, and the thoughts take over my head. What is happening? I can't breathe. I put my hand on my chest to make sure my heart is still beating. It is, just way too fast. What is happening? I'm so scared. I'm shaking like crazy. Where is Ryan? I need him. I can't focus. Why am I doing this? What is happening to me? I try to sit down on the couch but I get too jittery and stand up again. I faintly hear my name being called. But from where? I try to turn around but get tripped by the couch. I fall onto the couch but I get back up again. I start pacing around the room, not sure of what to do.
"Jack!" I hear, slightly closer now. I get turned around by Ryan and he looks me in the eyes.
"Hey hey hey, what's wrong?" Ryan asks.
"I-I-I-I-I don't kn-kn-know! I-I c-can't b-breathe!"
"Jack, calm down, it's ok." Ryan says, trying to calm me down. I can't.
"I-I-I can't!" I say back at Ryan. Ryan has his hands on my arms, stopping me from moving, but he moved them to around me, wrapping me in a hug. I calmed down at his embrace but I still couldn't breathe. Ryan noticed that the lights are causing me not to focus, so he pulls me into a bedroom just beside the room we were currently in. There were no lights in there and there was a bed, so Ryan made me sit down.
"Here, sit down Jack." Ryan says, pulling me down to sit on the bed. I curl up into a ball and Ryan wraps his arms around me, pulling me into his chest. I start crying out of pure panic and anxiety and Ryan shushes me and rubs my back, trying to calm me down.
"Shhh, Jack, it's alright, settle down, I've got you, just breathe." I laid my head down on his chest and I can hear his heart beating. Way slower then mine. Ryan takes some slower breaths to sneakily get me to copy him. It worked. I followed his breathing for a while and my heart slowed down to his. I was still super jittery but I had enough strength to lift up my head and wipe the tears off my face. Ryan kept his hand on my back and looked into my eyes.
"Want to get out of here now? Or wait until you stop shaking?"
"S-st-stop sh-shaking." I stutter out.
"Ok." Ryan replies. "In that case, come here." Ryan says, pulling me close to him, so my face was against his chest again. Ryan started rubbing small circles around my back. We stayed like that for a while. It was so calming. I eventually sit up, Ryan resting his hand on my side.
"Ok. Are you ready to go now?" I nod. "Alright, let's get you out of here." Ryan says. I freeze.
"But what if someone sees me?" I say.
"It's ok Jack, we'll be fast. You ready?" Ryan asks. He puts out his hand as he was already standing up. I grab his hand and stand up. Ryan leads me out the bedroom door, through the room with the lights, through the entry way and out the door. He held my hand the whole time, making sure I didn't get lost. We got out the door, and a taxi was there waiting. We climb in and head home. We get home and I thank Ryan for helping me. I don't know what I would do without him. Adam comes walking out of the kitchen and asks what was wrong.
"Jack had a panic attack at the party we were at. Why are you home early?" Ryan says.
"I got a bad feeling about you two and came back to wait for you. How long was the panic attack? How long did it take for him to calm down? Is he ok?" Adam asks Ryan as if I'm not there.
"I'm fine." I say quietly, and go to my room. Well, I guess our room. Ryan and Adam come walking in behind me as I sat on my bed.
"Hey Jack, wanna talk about what made you panic?" Adam asks, resting his hand on my leg. Ryan's hand resting on my side.
"I-I don't know. And that's the scary part." I say, trying not to look at them, cause I know if I do I'll start crying. They care too much about me. I don't want them to worry about me. But I know they do. They're such great brothers. I love them. Adam and Ryan try to reason with me, asking me questions,
"Anything happen at the party?" Adam asks.
"Anything trigger a bad memory?" Ryan asks. I wish I could answer them. But I don't know.
"I-I don't know." I say.
"Alright. Try to think of something. You should sleep, get your mind off of it." Ryan says. I grab my blanket, pull it over me and lay my head down on my pillow. I didn't even change. Oh well. I quickly drift off into sleep, only to be awakened by Alba taking off my hat. I wake up and give Alba a hug.
"Why are you here?" I ask.
"Ryan called me asking me to come over, he's worried about you. I heard you had a panic attack last night and so I wanted to make sure you were ok." She says, sitting beside me.
"I am. Thanks for being here. I love you." I say.
"Anytime! Anyways, I have a meeting, I should get going." Alba says standing up.
"No don't leave!" I say grabbing her, not letting her leave.
"I'm gonna be late then!" Alba says, moving my hands.
"Ugh. Fine. But you better be back here later then." I say.
"I will. Alright, you're brothers are waiting for you in the living room. I'll see you later. Love you." Alba says. I stand up to give her a hug and she leaves. Once she leaves, I walk out of my room and into the living room where Ryan and Adam are. They ask me how I'm doing, if I've come up with a reason and I say, yes.
"I-I think it was one, me being nervous cause we knew no one there. Two, I think it was me and Ryan getting separated, three, all of those lights in the room was too overstimulating, and four, the lights made me think of the thing that happened in middle school that I refuse to speak of."
"Ok. Is that everything?" Adam asks.
"W-well.. I also had a headache for the past few days that I didn't want to say anything about. And I guess I'm just stressed in general."
"Alright." Ryan says. "Well, I'm not letting you put off that headache, I'm getting you some medicine." Ryan says standing up.
"And while he's doing that, Jack, do you want to talk about the incident in middle school? Cause you know we're here to listen." Adam says.
"No.." I say. Adam looks at me. I try not to look at him cause I know I'll break. "No it's ok." I say, trying to get away from it. Ryan comes back with the medicine and looks at me.
"We're here to help you Jack. Talking about it will make you feel better, I promise. You know we won't judge you."
"I-I know. But.. not today." I say, standing up, not knowing where I'm going.
"Jack, sit down and take the medicine please." Adam asks all dad-like. I sit back down, grabbing the medicine from Ryan. I take the medicine without looking at Adam or Ryan.
"Hey, at least we can write something for the album." Ryan says, trying to lighten the mood.
"Yeah. It can be something about how great it is to have people like you at parties." I say to Ryan. I look at him for at least 20 seconds. It's like he's subconsciously trying to get me to tell him what the incident was. Finally I break.
"Ugh fine, I'll tell you." I say, looking down, away from them. They both put their hands on me and I start talking, not looking at them. I finish my story and they both give me a hug. I felt so comfortable in their arms. I know they care about me. I just didn't want to ever relive that story. But Ryan was right. I did feel better. I thanked them over and over and they finally let go of me.
"Boy it's good to know I got a bud like you. And you." I say, turning to Ryan and then Adam.
"Aaaaannnd that's the song." Ryan says, smiling.
"Wha-" I start to ask.
"Just wait. This is gonna be awesome." Ryan says, smirking.
"Alright then.." Adam says. "Anyways, thanks for telling us Jack, but it's breakfast time."
"Ooh good point." I say. We stand up and go have breakfast.