AJR-Panic Attacks

Ryan- 9 (Date Night)

Ryans POV

"Ryan, why are you so excited?" Jack asks me as I get ready.
"See, I met this girl, and... I really really like her." I explain, getting way too excited. I've forgotten that I haven't told Jack or Adam about this girl. We're going on our 4th date tonight, but this one seems special cause we're not just going out for coffee. We're going down to the beach by the river, and watching the sunset.
"And when did this happen?" Jack asks.
"About 2 weeks ago." I respond.
"And what's her name?"
"Cat." I say smiling. That one word alone making my heart flutter.
"And is she a serial killer?" Jack asks, carrying on with his interrogation.
"Of course not." I joke, not actually knowing the answer, but hoping I'm not wrong.
"And is she gonna break your heart like Al-"
"No." I say bluntly. I don't even want to begin thinking of my ex. She's out of my life now, so I don't want to mention her.
"Alright, she fits the 'Ryan's magical girlfriend of wonder' criteria I guess." Jack says.
"More like she fits the 'not gonna kill my brother and is probably not a serial killer' criteria." I joke.
"So she's not your girlfriend?" Jack asks, slightly confused.
"Well... we haven't really talked about it. It's only our 4th date, but I think she's the one." I smile, looking at the floor, imagining Cat and I together.
"Welp, don't have too much fun. I'm going out with Alba to watch a show. See ya later!" Jack says, walking out of my room.
"Bye Jack!" I yell back at him. I fix my shirt collar, hoping my outfit looks ok. I didn't dress up fancy, we were just going to the beach after all. I decided to wear my infamous blue shirt, the same one that I'm wearing in the album art for Neotheater. I put on my shoes, and look at the time. I told Cat I'd pick her up at 7, then we could walk to the beach. It's 6:53, so I should get going. I grab a jacket since it's the middle of May, and head out the door. She lived only a few blocks away from our house, so it wasn't gonna take me forever to get there. Her place was also super close to the beach, so it was only a few more blocks away. I arrived at her place at 6:58, and I knocked on the door. She opens it smiling, and she welcomes me in.
"Hey! How's it going?" She asks.
"Pretty good! How are you?"
"Good." She says smiling. Man, her smile is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
"I just have to grab a blanket." She says, running to what I'm assuming is her room. She comes back with a blanket in her hand, then we walk back out of the apartment, taking the elevator down to the entrance. We started walking the direction of the beach, talking about random things. While walking with a bunch of people on the street, I take the opportunity to grab Cat's hand, and interlock our fingers. It takes her by surprise, but smirks at my action. She quickly turns away blushing, not wanting to show her reaction. Why is she so cute. We get down to the beach and set up the blanket.
"There's a lot of people here today." Cat comments. I nod, scanning the crowd.
"So, how are you doing?" I ask, trying to spark conversation.
"I already told you, I'm good!" Cat responds smiling. I love it when she smiles.
"I love it when you smile." I mention. Cat blushes again.
"Th-thanks." She stutters.
"The sunset looks nice today." I say.
"Not as good as you." Cat mumbles, but just loud enough that I heard it.
"What was that?" I say smirking, trying to get Cat to admit to what she said.
"I said-" Cat starts, but gets nervous and stops talking. "Nothing." She finishes, looking away.
"You ok?" I ask her, concerned I did something to upset her.
"Yeah. Just got nervous cause I didn't think you heard me."
"You don't have to be nervous around me!" I say, wrapping my arm around her shoulder which she seemed to like. "I'm serious. I-" I start, debating my next words. "I know we've only been on like 4 dates, but I really really like you." I say, not saying what I wanted to. Cat looks into my eyes and blushes.
"Well, what if I told you I really really like you too." Cat says. I smile. I pull her closer to me, allowing her to lean her head on my shoulder. We sat in silence until the sun was mostly set.
"There's too many people here." Cat mumbles.
"Wanna head back to my place?" I offer.
"Yes please." She responds. We stand up and wrap up the blanket, holding hands as we walk. She leans her head on my shoulder as we walk off the beach. We walk back to my place, me having an idea. I pull Cat back out the door.
"Where are we going?" Cat asks, very confused. I take her to the stairs at the end of the hall, and we climb up. We get to the door and I open it, revealing the roof. Cat smirks, probably thankful I wasn't leading her to her death. We walk around on the roof to my favourite corner, facing the New York City skyline. Cat puts the blanket down and we sit back down.
"Much better." Cat sighs. She leans her head on me again, this time me wrapping my arm around her back.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, a seagull swoops down and dives right in front of me, before flying away. Cat seemed to have not noticed, but it scared me. It scared me so much. I pull my arm away from her back, feeling this unsettling weight in my chest. My throat feels like it's closing up, prohibiting me from breathing. My chest starts aching with pressure. I feel myself burning up, so I rip off my jacket. I tried taking just one breath, but my lungs wouldn't allow it. By now, Cat has realized what's going on.
"Hey, are you ok?" Cat finally asks.
"No I-I can't breathe!" I say in panic.
"Hey, you're gonna be fine." She says, turning towards me. I hate that she's seeing me like this. I curl up with my knees in my chest. I finally realize this is a panic attack. Tears started streaming down my face.
"Ryan, I'm going to try touching your back, ok?" Cat says gently. I flinch away. Normally I don't mind people touching me, but it must've been the anxiety.
"Ryan, I want to help you. Will you let me help you? Please?" I freeze, allowing Cat to move. She gently places her hand on my lower back, allowing me to get used to it. When I didn't flinch away, Cat took the opportunity to grab my hand. She placed it on my knee, her hand on top of mine, me grabbing onto some of her fingers. Her grabbing my hand did many things. One being it got me focusing on her movements, two, it got it away from my face, allowing there to be more air accessible for my lungs, and three, gave me a sense of comfort knowing Cat was still right here. Cat starts rubbing the back of my hand with her thumb in small circles, letting my mind focus on that instead of my panic attack. Her hands are so soft.
"Ok Ry, I'm gonna try bringing you back to reality now. Look at me." She says. I feel safe enough to look up at her. I meet her eyes, and she looked so calm and relaxed.
"Good. Now name 5 things you can see." She says. I don't look away as I say,
"Uhmm, I... I don't know!" I want to look away, but I'm resisting the urge.
"That's ok. Let's focus on breathing then." Cat says. "Breathe in through your nose, out through your mouth." She says. She says it again, doing the actions as she says them. I started to follow along when I realize she was doing them.
"Breathe in through your nose, out through your mouth." She says again. "Good job baby." I was starting to breathe slightly easier, my lungs slowly getting filled with more oxygen as I followed Cat. I didn't even realize, but Cat was rubbing my back slowly. I finally came back into reality, noticing how tight my grip was on Cat's hand. I tried to loosen it, but the anxiety prevailed, and I tensed up again.
"I'm sorry." I say quietly, looking away from Cat.
"Don't be sorry! You can't control this, it's ok." She responds. I'm already in love with her. "I just want you to look at me, and I'll get you to relax, ok baby?" I look back up at her, meeting her calm eyes once again.
"O-ok." I say.
"Good. Now, can you name 5 things you can see?" Cat tries asking again.
"Umm... you, uhh, the-the blanket, my jacket, that pole over there, and uhh, uhhh, my phone." I say.
"Great job." Cat encourages. "What about 4 things you can hear?"
"Y-your v-voice, th-the cars, s-sirens, and the heater." I say.
"Amazing. How about 3 things you can touch?"
"Your hand, the b-blanket and my jacket." I say.
"Perfect baby. 2 more. 2 things you can smell?"
"Your perfume, a-and the dinner that J-Jack made."
"Haha nice. Last one, something you can taste?" She asks, knowing I'll reuse an answer.
"J-Jack's dinner." I smirk.
"Perfect job. Do you feel any better baby?" She asks. I finally notice that last word. Has she said that before now? My mind goes off into it's own world. I like that nickname. I smile. I didn't even realize my breathing was basically back to normal. My grip on Cat's hand also seemed to have loosened.
"Yeah I guess so." I say. "I'm so sorry you had to see me like that."
"Don't be sorry! I'm happy to help." She replies. "Now, I'm gonna take you back to your place and we're gonna watch a movie. How does that sound?" She declares. I smile.
"Perfect." Cat stands up before me, keeping her hand on mine. She pulls me up and I wrap her in a hug. This wasn't our first hug, and it didn't take either of us by surprise, as she reached her arms out, gladly accepting it.
"I love you." Cat says. She freezes, not realizing what she said. I pause and pull away, looking her in the eyes.
"I'm so sorry! I didn't mean it like that I-" I cut her off by giving her a kiss. We both melt into the kiss for a few seconds until we pull away. We were both looking at each other, not knowing what to say.
"It's ok. I love you too." I smile. "I wanted to say that all night but didn't want to rush with anything." I explain.
"I wanted to say it too but thought the same thing." Cat says, biting her lip slightly.
"Great minds think alike, hey." I smirk. I give her another kiss. I didn't expect to get my first kiss with her on our 4th date, but boy am I extremely happy I did.
"So, are we boyfriend/girlfriend yet?" Cat smirks.
"Definitely." I respond. I give her one last kiss before we head back downstairs.