MCR Imagines

so why don't you blow me? (gerard imagine pt. 3)

TW: mentions of suicide

Before the door closes behind Mikey, he turns his head and looks at me over his shoulder, his eyes glossed with a mix of guilt and lust.

I lay in the bed, knees to my chest and blanket clutched beneath my chin, "Goodnight, Mikey." I whisper, looking back at him.

"Sleep well, Y/N."

The door shuts, draping the room in silence once more. I collapse back onto the mattress, exhaling a shaky breath.

How could Gerard do this and feel nothing when I feel like I'm drowning?

I begin to feel my heartbeat in my ears, and the blanket suddenly appears 15 pounds heavier. I throw it off me.

I need air.

I step out onto the small balcony, the cool breeze sending a refreshing shiver across my skin. It grounds me. My hands relax atop the railing, and I allow myself to release the tension in my body.

I count the windows up until I reach the tenth floor, the guy's room. The balcony light flicks on just seconds after I spot the room. The door slides open, and out stumbles Gerard.

The tension rushes back, hoping he doesn't notice me.

He too grips the railing just like I. His hair whisps softly with the breeze. I watch as he steps back and sits in the chair, pulling a small journal from his pocket. A few minutes pass before he closes it and approaches the railing again. He drops the book onto the floor and looks back to the room.

Oh my god.

"Gerard!" I shout as loud as I can with my weakened state of voice, hoping he can hear me. He looks down at me, his features contorting to complete pain.

"Gerard, don't! Stay right there!" I scream. I rush into my room, swiping my phone as I rush out the door to the stairs. I dial Frank as I dash up the flights, but get not answer.

I approach their door and pound on it so hard my hand turns read. Ray finally opens the door, rubbing his one eye, looking very confused, "Wha-" I push past him and sprint to the balcony. No one is there.

"Oh my god!" I cry out, looking over the railing to try and find him but it's too dark.

His journal is on the ground.

Frank, Mikey, and Ray all try squeezing out the door at once, all releasing a harmony of questions.

"What's wrong?"

"What happened?"

"Why are you crying?"

"Ge-Gerard, he-he" I choke on my words, my face soaked in tears and airways blocked.

They stare at me in bewilderment, and just then, we all hear the toilet flush.
Light creeps into the room as the bathroom door opens and Gerard steps out.

I collapse, my body no longer able to support myself under my aggressive shaking. I squeeze my eyes shut and just sob.

I feel him kneel next to me.

"Gerard, what the fuck happened?" I barely hear Frank question over the sounds of my screams.

He doesn't respond to him, but I do hear his haunting voice whisper my name.

"Y/N... I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." His hand touches my back. As soon as I feel his touch, I lunge for him, clinging around his body. His arms wrap tightly around me as he buries his face in my neck.

"I thought you were dead!" I scream in between chokes. He holds me tighter, rocking me.

I want to let go. I want to let go and run so bad. But I can't. I need to feel him right now. I need to feel his warmth and listen to his heart beating. I need to smell the hairspray that's been in his hair for days.

In this moment, above all else, I need him.

Part 4 coming soon.