MCR Imagines

so why don't you blow me? (Gerard imagine)

The distance between us has been becoming more noticeable as each day passes, and it scares me. I was starting to become unaware of this weight on my chest until Mikey spoke to me.

"Is there something going on with you and Gerard?"

This was a question I didn't know how to answer because nothing had been going on. Just a few weeks ago we were laughing smiling like we always had. On nights when I'd wait for the boys in the tour bus, too tired to watch the shows, Gerard would return, a different perfume clinging to his clothing each time. Alcohol has been reflecting from his breath again, though I haven't seen him drink. Surely the guys would tell me.

Tonight was no different.

The air buzzes with their fading adrenaline after playing for a crowd of 25,000. Frank heads straight for the fridge and grabs a bottle of water before retreating to his bunk to call Jamia to tell her how the show went. I wait for Gerard to step onto the bus, but the door closes after Ray.

I rise to my feet in confusion, "Where's Gee?" I try to control the nerves in my voice, but he has never stayed out without the guys or me.

Mikey looks anywhere but me, and Ray just sighs, "Guys... please..." I exhale a tired breath.

Mikey grabs his arm, gripping it slightly, "Y/N.. he- he, well-"

"Dressing room." Ray speaks up, disappointment adamant in his voice. My heart sinks when I pick up on their tones. I begin storming towards the door when Ray lightly grabs my hand, stopping me, "Y/N, I don't think you want to-"

"Let go of me, Ray." I tug my arm free before rushing out. I need to know. I need to know.

Halfway through the parking lot, I stop dead in my tracks. Gerard is standing beside the venue entrance, his hand running through the blonde hair of the girl he is kissing. I hear footsteps follow me from the bus, "Y/N-" Ray's voice captures Gerard's attention.

I am frozen. Time has stopped and I choke on air. He looks into my eyes, and his hand drops from her. Quickly, he steps away from her and darts to me in a panic, "Baby, hey! What are you doing it's cold out?"

My mouth parts slightly, tears welling in my eyes as he desperately searches them for an answer. Ray appears behind me. His body is straight and stern, "Gee, I don't think you should do this right now."

Gerard disregards Ray's words and reaches for my arm, but I take a step back. I don't feel in control of my own body. The weight in my chest has rapidly changed to a stabbing pain. I look at the girl, who remains in the same spot, dumbfounded. The air is still, and no one moves. The silence becomes deafening.

"Baby.."

"I hate you." My voice is a raspy whisper, "I fucking hate you!" I lunge at him and collapse in his chest. I swing my fists in any direction I can. The tears now flow down my face like raindrops sliding down a window. He squeezes me, restricting my body from moving, "I hate you! What the fuck! What the fuck!" My knees shake and spit flies from my mouth. I don't care.

The creaking of the bus door swims through the air, and Mikey and Frank run out in confusion.

"Y/N I'm sorry!" Gerard shouts over my sobbing.

"Sorry?!" I scream, my voice breaking more and more, "You're sorry? Are you sorry for all of the shit I've done for you? For every night you'd fuck around and come back to bed with me at night? Are you sorry for the countless memories and hours I can never get back because I spent them with you when you'd rather spend them with whores? Take your apology and fucking blow me!" I push myself free from his grasp and fall back into Mikey, who stares at his brother in anger and shock.