My Deskmate Is A KITTY

(37)

"Felix?"

Oh no! I'm dead. He is awake now. What should I do? My plan was just to say goodbye secretly but now.. it seems like my plan has gone wrong.

I stood up. Still battling wether to leave or not.. but Hyunjin already got up and standing in front of the door, blocking my way.

"Are you going to leave me again?"

I dont dare to return his stare so I just bow at the floor.

"Felix? I was talking to you." His sweet voice for some reason sounding strict now.

But still, I cant talk. Not because I dont want to but I just cant. All I have in mind was goodbyes but I'm still not ready to say that yet..

"Why? Why did you go like that, that day? Why, Felix?"

I can tell that Hyunjin is already giving up of me with his sighs at his last word.

"Felix, talk to me. Look at my face!" He is almost shouting but I can tell that he tried to control it.

Hyunjin, I'm sorry.. but my guilty wont let me go and to stare at your face.. I just dont think I'm strong enough to do that.

But then..,

Hyunjin put his finger under my chin and lift it up. I dont make eye contact, I forced myself to not look at him.

But at the end, my eyes feel the urge to look at him.

That is when I saw tears all over his face. Oh gosh!! I know I cant do this.

I slowly push him, stepping back, try to wider our gap. I put his hand to his side.

"All these years, I thought I was the only one who suffered because of all the traumas I got when I'm missing you. But, turns out you're the one who is suffering the most. And its all my faults." It was such a surprise for me to talk straight like this.

He lifted his eyes, dull swollen eyes. How long has he been crying, huh?

"Felix, its not your faults." He said.

I shook my head. "Its totally my fault. You always tell me to not trust in him, that he will betray my family's pride. That he was trying to hurt me and my family. But all I do was defending him. I let you bear all the pain alone. I dont believe in you."

I paused. Because I can feel that my tears starts to fall.

"Felix, you-"

"I know, You'll never blame me. But, Hyunjin.. I'm sorry. Really sorry. Please, let me go with peace. I just want you to forgive me and after that, I will do everything to be far from you. I promise you, no more pain for you after that."

I take a small step to get to his door, avoiding him as much as I can. Even though my heart doesnt want to do this but I had to.

"Felix." He called while we both still giving each other's back.

Or maybe I'm the only one who's giving him my back.

I stopped walking.

After a few seconds, I can feel his arm wrapping around my shoulder. He is backhugging me, tight. Really tight.

"H-hyunjin..." Gosh! My tears becoming faster and so does my heart.

"If you said, with you've been gone will be no more pain for me. You're totally wrong." He said, his body is shaking. Maybe he was holding on his tears.

I just keep quiet. Still sobbing a bit.

"You dont know how painful for me to be far from you. Even before I get my memories back, I've already cant be far from you, its making me going crazy. You think, I never tried to be away from you, huh?"