Letters On Our Skin || BangChan

11

Hours later, I find myself leaning against a stack of pillows, wedged between Felix and Changbin. The three of us are sharing a blanket that covers our legs. I have taken off the sweatshirt when the second movie started because I was getting really warm.
Next to us, Minho leans against a few pillows with Jisung in his lap. The younger boy has thrown himself over Minho's lap, one arm reaching all the way across. Minho lazily drives his hand through Jisung's hair, they're both almost asleep.
Seungmin is already asleep, as are Hyunjin, Jeongin and Changbin next to me. Their deep breathing is rhythmic and calm.
Chan had gotten up a while ago, to put the pizza away, put the fruit on a table nearby. I would have helped, but I feel so sleepy I could barely move.

Now, Chan sneaks back into the living room and dimms the lights even more, so that only the TV and one single orange lamp on the other side of the room are lit. For a moment, he stands, and I watch him look at his band mates. He nods quietly to himself, as if he's making sure they're all there. That they're all safe, warm, and protected.
Finally, his eyes land on me. I wave at him to show him that I'm still awake, and motion him to come sit with me.
I move my body over and down until there is enough space for him and me to comfortably lay down. Chan lays next to me, pulling a soft blanket around us. He is close and I can feel the heat seep off of him and into my own body, but he doesn't dare touch me. We're face to face.
For a moment, neither of us say anything. We just listen to each other breathe. To the noises of the night in Seoul.

In the dim light, Chan is made of angles and curves. The sharp contrast of shadows overlapping. I can't take my eyes off his face, even if I had wanted to. Prominent jaw, soft cheeks. Dark eyes,  dark curls.
It occurs to me how intimate this moment is, and I can feel the heat rush to my face. I hope he can't see it.
Chan turns off the TV when he thinks everyone has fallen asleep.
Just when my eyes are starting to get heavy, I can feel the slightest, lightest touch on my hand. I open my eyes again to look at Chan. He smiles at me, carefully and unsure. His fingers warmly lay on mine without moving for a few seconds. I am waiting for him to do something, giving him space to decide his next step.
But he doesn't move, though his eyes never leave mine. He's waiting for me to make the next move.
I keep my eyes locked on his while I slowly intertwine our fingers. I can see Chan sigh in relief and have to smile. I squeeze his hand gently, but neither of us dares to speak so not to wake the others.
Then I get an idea and place his hand palm down onto the blanket.
Then I draw letters on the back of his hand.

R U OK?

Chan grins when he realizes what I'm doing, and I place my hand next to his when I'm done.
He answers.

YES

Then he hesitates a second, before he adds more letters.

R U OK?

I nod and write YES onto the back of his hand.

Then we're quiet again, not moving at all. After a moment, Chan moves his fingers again to write onto my hand. I quietly wait until he's done.

I WANT YOU CLOSER

He meets my eyes again, smiles shyly and raises an eyebrow as if to ask me if I understood.
My heart beats so fast, I'm sure he can hear it.  I swallow the lump in my throat and quietly move closer to him until we're no more than two inches apart. Our legs are touching, and I could bow my head forward and we would touch foreheads.

I look up at Chan.
I enjoy being close to him. I can feel my body being pulled closer by the gravity of him. Like an invisible force is tying me to him, until there is no space between our bodies at all.
This close, I can see how long his lashes are and the curve of his eyebrows.
A rush of boldness drives me to raise my hand and gently run my fingers over his eyes brows and then down the side of his face until my hand is cupping his cheek. His eyes burn themselves into mine as I carefully trace the edge of his jaw with my fingers, and finally down his neck and to his shoulder.
There, I write on his arm.

CAN I COME CLOSER

I retreat my hand and wait for is answer.
Chan nods with wide eyes.
I scoot closer and gently push his shoulder back until he lay on his back and I could place my head on his chest, my arm across his body.
Chan moves in sync with mine, pulling me closer, resting his arm in my back. He's so warm. I feel so safe, right here in this moment. I never want this night to end.
The beating of his heart is a soft drum beneath my face and the rhythm of it slowly calms my breathing. 

Chan's fingers lazily draw patterns of circles and stars onto my back. My fingers itch to explore him. The soft fabric of his shirt. The hard muscles of his body. I want to drive my hands over his soft skin beneath this top. But this isn't the right time or place.
There will be a time for that but it's not right now. I don't want to rush this. If there is a chance for him to like me like I want him to then we'll have to do this right. We have time to get to know each other.
I gently rub my hand over his torso, and write the last thing for that night.

THIS MEANS THE WORLD TO ME