Letters On Our Skin || BangChan

54 (explicit)

Kissing Chan feels like taking a breath after almost drowning. Like comping up for air. Like the first sip of water after weeks in the desert.
Chan kissed me with the force of a fire, and though he was gentle, he pressed himself against me like he was scared I'd be ripped off of him in the next few seconds. Desperate, determined, impatiently.
Like he had waited an eternity to kiss me.
He tasted like mint toothpaste. His tongue slipped into my mouth, exploring me tenderly.
I all but melted into his kiss, cupping his face on both sides.
I don't know how long he was kissing me. Seconds, minutes, hours, maybe? I don't much care.
All that I care about was the feeling of Chan's lips on mine and the sound of fanfares in my mind.
I bite Chan's lower lip gingerly, not enough to hurt him, and he groans again.
It is my new favorite sound. I could get off of that sound alone, could get high and drunk on it.
We break apart for a second, only far enough to take a breath, and I feel him grin.
"You taste just like I thought you would," he murmurs against my lips, before kissing me again, slower this time.
Less eager, but just as determined, just as sensual.
I groan deep in my throat, a noise I didn't know I could make.
I am lost in the feeling of him, lost in his touch, in his body moving against mine.
His right hand cups my breast, his fingers driving over the cusp of my nipple. I suck in a breath, sighing with every new sensation and I could feel the heat pooling between my legs.
"Oh, God," I let out breathlessly.
Chan's chest vibrates with a chuckle as he says lowly, "He isn't here. Just you and me."

I wet my lips and meet his eyes.
Oh, he wants to play? I can play.
And I know he is just as undone as me, I feel it between my legs, beneath my hips.
He wants me as much as I want him.
With a wicked smile on my lips, I start rocking back and forth again, deeper and more intentionally. Chan's chest rises quickly.
I lean in again and kiss Chan's jawline all the way up to his ear, never stopping the sinful movement of my hips. I press my lips onto the soft spot of skin beneath his earlobe and start sucking.
Chan's hands on my waist start trembling and his head falls back against the headboard. I lick the tender spot, placing a line of kisses down his exposed neck. I slowly start moving my hips in a small circle as I place small kisses on his collarbones. My hands fall to the waistband of his own shorts and I playfully slip one finger beneath the band, just suggesting enough for his breath to hitch and his dark eyes dip from my face to where our middles meet.
I smile at him innocently and let my hands wander beneath his shirt, earning a groan from Chan. I do what I have wanted for forever and drive my fingers over his smooth skin, the planes of his stomach. The sensation of his skin unravels something in me and I whisper in Chan's ear, "You can take it off if you want."
He hesitates for a second but then slips off his shirt and presents himself to me. For a moment, all I can do is stare. Then I bend down and press a kiss against his peck, over his heart. I trace the elevations beneath his skin with my fingertips and shivers run through Chan's body. He watches me as I explore his body with my eyes first, then my fingers and mouth, leaving kisses in my wake. I trace his shoulders, his arms, the slight v-shape of the muscles disappearing beneath his shorts.
Chan is beautiful.
More than that, he is gorgeous, bewitching, divine.

I feel him tugging at the bottom of my shirt and I meet his eyes.
It doesn't take me long to decide I want this. I want to be seen by him. I want him to look at me, and, more importantly, I want to feel him on my skin.
I take off my shirt and the cool breeze from the open window makes me shiver for a moment.
Chan looks at me, and I could not explain it for the life of me, but I never felt more confident.
Something in his eyes makes me feel like the most beautiful girl on the planet.
And then he does what I had done just seconds before. He kisses my collarbone, my shoulder, traces the curve of my hips and ribs and breasts.
My head falls back when he takes my nipple between his lips and sucks ever so slightly. My hand wanders into his hair once again and I can't help but groan.
His arm wraps around my waist as he makes his way back to my face, pressing a series of small kisses on my cheeks, lips, nose, and even my eyelids.
The wild, animalistic desire we had felt just seconds ago turns into something sweeter and deeper. I want him, and if he asked to feel me completely, I would have given myself to him without hesitation.
But this feels calmer, more collected. Like we're not out of our minds anymore.
Chan pulls the blanket around my shoulders and I fall forward, laying on his chest, my face in the crook of his neck. We rest like this for a few quiet moments, unmoving. I know our hearts are beating against each other and the warm feeling of his bare skin against mine sends shivers down my spine.
This is all I have ever wanted.

He takes my hand in his, but with the other, he writes letters on my shoulder blade.

ARE YOU OK?

I have to smile.
Considerate as ever.
I answer by writing on his biceps.

YES
ARE YOU?

He presses his lips against my head and answers on my shoulder.

YES

After that, we're quiet for a long time.
We had fallen over and into each other like animals, like newlyweds, like teenagers.
We exposed ourselves to each other in a way I hadn't done with many people before. I doubt Chan had either.
We didn't even have sex, yet it felt just as intimate, if not even more so.
I kissed him like I was trying to take a bite out of him. Like I couldn't breathe without him. I had opened myself up to him, had been vulnerable. I would have gone farther if he had wanted to.
But now that we're holding each other like this I realize just what we got ourselves into.
We are friends. Best friends.
Sudden panic overcomes me so fast, I have to hold my breath as to not accident start crying.
What have I done?
What will happen now?
I want to open my mouth and tell him that I am falling for him hard and fast. I want to tell him to be with me like real couples are with each other.
But would that make it better?
Or would it only make it more complicated?
What would happen?
Would I survive rejection from him?
The thought of never feeling Chan's lips on mine again drives all air out of my lungs, but it might be a reality I have to face.
He wanted me. I had felt it.
But desire is not enough, and it shouldn't be enough,  for him to risk his career for it. He has to be madly in love with me to even consider being with me despite so many people telling him not to.
And I have to face the fact that he had just realized the same thing.
That he isn't in love with me.
That whatever it is between us isn't enough.
That this could turn into a huge mistake.
That things are never going to be like they were before.