Letters On Our Skin || BangChan

29

"Here, listen to this one," Binna rolls onto her back, holding her phone above her head, "'The amount of planning this must have taken is incredible. I can't believe Ollie did everything by herself, she is so cool!' They love you. Like, seriously, Ollie. This thread just does not end. The comments are crazy!"
I chuckle.
It's been five days since I released my dance cover to False Confidence, and the comment section beneath my posts, the video on YouTube, and Twitter are blowing up.
I sit beside Binna as she scrolls through a Twitter feed and reads a few comments.
"'She is so pretty'. I agree. 'Look at Ollie in that dress', yes girl, you kicked ass in that dress. Red is totally your color." Binna winks at me and pokes my cheek with her finger. "Here let me read this one, 'Ollie is surprisingly good at acting the heartbroken girl going bat shit crazy. The whole video speaks volumes about how girls will try to become someone else in order to be liked. Ollie has proven what kind of artist she is and I am so excited to see what else she comes up with.' Like girl there's someone here that made a whole thread analyzing the video!"

I lay down beside Binna. We're on the floor of the practice room. It's Saturday afternoon, the anniversary showcase is in exactly one week, and Binna and I have been wanting to train together.
We have been here for three hours but we barely got any practicing done, yet. The whole time, Binna and I have been stuck on social media reading and watching.
Some Stay have been filming reaction videos on Instagram, some have been recreating the outfits and choreography points. The reactions have been incredible.

"What did they boys say?"
"They liked it a lot," I reach over to grab for my phone. "They even talked about it on Bubble, that app they use to communicate with their fans. Here."
I hand Binna my phone and she reads over the messages Chan sent on Bubble.

Stay! There is a video out I really like! You should watch it!

Ollie is a great dancer isn't she? So proud of her!

I see Binna tap over to the other boys' chats. Felix sent a few messages, reciting the lyrics, and speaking out about how much he loved it.
Changbin did, too, he even asked Stay to leave nice comments.
"They're head over heels for you," Binna sighs. I roll my eyes and scoff.
"The Stray Kids? Are you crazy?" A small smile tugs on my lips.
"No, I mean one of them specifically," Binna watches my face closely and I try my hardest not to show a reaction that might give me away. "You know who I mean, Ollie. Don't pretend like you don't know what I'm talking about."
I roll my eyes and rub my face.
"Listen, Binna, I really don't know what you want to hear, there is absolutely nothing going on."
"Yes, you do!" Binna sits up and starts braiding her thick raven hair. "I see the way Chan looks at you. Do you think it's a coincidence he shows up here whenever we are on break?"
"We're friends," I answer, "He's friends with many dancers here, and he basically lives in his studio upstairs. So of course he'll come by from time to time."
"He brought you food every single day the last week. He carries your stuff when you leave together. You guys text all the time. You have sleepovers at the dorm. I've never seen him act like that in all the years I've been dancing here."
I look away and pull my knees to my chest, wrapping my arms around my legs.
"It's not like I wouldn't want there to be something more," I say, "But it's impossible to think about it with everything else going on. He's got the band and the showcase and promotions going on. And I have practice and I have all these projects going on-... I barely had time to figure out what I want."
"You think too much," Binna says, "Love isn't something you think about, it's something you feel! It's a thing of the heart, you know?"

A small smile tugs in my lips.
Binna can be such a romantic sometimes.
"I think I'm just scared," I finally admit, "I've been friends with him before I fell for him. Only like two weeks but still.. should something happen that drives us apart, I'd not only be losing a lover, but a best friend as well."
I hesitate for a moment, Binna watches me quietly.
I continue, "I can't tell if he likes me like that, either. He's flirty with me, yes, and he obviously cares about me but he's a good person. He's so good. He cares about everyone not just me, and he treats the members like that sometimes, too. He's not like any other person I ever dated. I just don't know how to handle the fact that he is everything good packed into one body."
"You're afraid of not measuring up to the kind of person he is," Binna says, "You're not used to being treated this well by potential partners and it confuses your system. That's not your fault but it speaks volumes about the kind of partners you chose in the past."
Stunned, I stare at her.
"When the fuck did you learn to talk like a therapist?"
Binna laughs. "I listen to podcasts a lot."

She hands me back my phone and adds, "For real, though. Chan is showing all the signs of someone with a crush and so are you. You can't circle each other like this forever, sooner or later you either have to take a step into his direction or away from your spot. It's either forward or away, love."