Letters On Our Skin || BangChan

19

The old elevator rattles around us as it carries us as high as it goes. When it opens, I lead Chan another two sets of stairs up until we reach a door that is locked with a pin field by its side.
I press the buttons and the door opens, revealing a flat surface, surrounded by a barrier about a foot tall with a metal fence on top. There's a sun umbrella in one corner and a pair of plastic chairs in the other.
We step out onto the surface and the endless night sky opens up above us, dark and mighty.
"Welcome to the roof," I say as I pull Chan farther into the middle of the roof. "The most beautiful view in all of Seoul."
I wave my arm through the air, revealing the incredible view behind me.
The Seoul skyline to one side, flatter buildings on the others. The river in the distance. And lights, everywhere and anywhere. Moving or still, white and golden and red and green and silver.

I watch Chan as he takes it all in. He stands and stares at the lights in the distance for a full minute, before he throws his head back and stretches his arms out towards the sky. Then he's laughing, fully and loudly and magnificently and real. Laughing from his whole heart. The sight almost drives me to join him.
When he looks at me again, his dark eyes are filled with sparks.
"I forgot," he says breathlessly, "I almost forgot what the sky looks like. You can't really see it from within the city. I had almost forgotten, oh gosh."
He sighs and his hands fall back to his sides. He keeps on staring up as if the sky holds all the answers to his questions. And maybe it does.

"I often come up here," I say, "The building's janitor is one of my dad's old friends and he trusted me enough to tell me the code to the door. It's my favorite place in the whole city. Everything else seems so small from up here. Every problem just... shrinks compared to this sky."
I put my hands into the pockets of my jacket and step closer to Chan.
He turns his head to look at me and I smile at him.
"I've never shown it to anybody," I admit, "I'm glad you like it."

Chan catches my eye, simply staring at me with that look in his eyes that I can't place.
Then he says, "Would you dance with me?"
I blink and he scrambles for something in the pocket of his pants. He pulls out his phone and a pair of earbuds.
He plugs them in and offers me the left one.
I take it and put it in my ear. We stand face to face, so close I can hear him breathe. He taps his phone and a soft melody starts to play.
I recognize the song right away. It's one of my favorite singers, James Bay.
"Running," I say out loud, naming the song. Chan puts the other bud into his own ear and smiles at me.
He reaches out his hand and I take it.

He pulls me close and my hands find their way to his shoulders all on their own. His wander to the space where my jeans meet my sweatshirt.
The wind grows strong enough to tussle our hair and carry the earthy smell of rain from outside the city over the river to us.
He moves first, leading us in a simple yet intimate two-step.
Left. Right. Left. Right. Left. Right.
My hands travel from his shoulders to the back of his neck, our eyes meet.
We sway from side to side while the song plays, but I'm so focused on Chan I don't register anything around us. Not the beautiful skyline, not the breathtaking sky, not even the midnight breeze. Only him.

Somehow we gravitate towards each other, until our foreheads softly lean against one another. I am oddly aware of every spot where our bodies touch.
Foreheads.
Tips of our noses.
Hands on neck.
Hands on hips.
Thighs.
I should be freezing, but I don't feel the cold.
The song changes but we keep swaying, silently beneath the stars. I could stay in this moment forever.

When I open my eyes again, Chan's are still closed. I lift my face, driving my right hand through his curls. I love the feeling of his soft hair between my fingers.
He sighs softly and the sound unearths something in me.
Chan opens his eyes and I see something in them I haven't before.
Vulnerability.
Questions.

We stop dancing. The music seems to fade, I don't even know what song is playing right now. It doesn't matter, though, it wouldn't change a thing.
I let my hands fall to his chest and curl my fists into the fabric of his sweatshirt beneath his denim jacket. Our bodies are pressed against each other.
Chan's hands find my face. He's driving them into my hair and gently places them around my neck, his thumb on the sensitive part of skin beneath my earlobe.
I look up at him and part my lips.
I want him to kiss me. I want to know the taste of him.

I can see him swallow and bite his lip and my gaze is locked on it for a moment. His lips are flushed, just like his cheeks.
I slightly cock my head.
He lowers his face down to mine.
Our lips almost touch. He is so close that we breathe the same cold air. His hands are warm on my face, though.
When he playfully pulls on my hair I let out a surprised gasp and his eyes widen. A smile tugs on the corners of his lips, exposing his dimples. I close my eyes, I can almost feel his lips on mine. So close, but not close enough.
A phantom kiss, like the touch of a ghost, or the tingle of anticipation.

Just when I think he'll finally lower his lips on mine, the harsh ringing of a phone breaks through the silence.
It surprises both of us so much that we all but jump away from each other.
It's Chan's. He answers it with an excusing look on his face.
"Okay," he says, "I'll be back soon. Don't worry, I'm on the way, Hyunjin."
My hands slide off his chest and I put them in my own pockets so he can't see them shake. I take a step back and the cold that he has kept away from me rushes in with such might I am afraid to fall over. My heart beats out of my chest and tears brim my eyes. I turn my face and blink them away.
I am overwhelmed.

"The kids were worried," Chan says after he hung up, "They thought something had happened."
I chuckle but it sounds forced.
Finally, I say, "Yeah, you should probably get going. I don't want them to be worried about you. And I have an early morning tomorrow, I should probably get some sleep."
The smile drops off his face, disappointment and embarrassment fill his eyes, and I immediately want to take all my words back. But I can't. The moment is gone and we both know it.
Instead, I wrap my arms around him and say, "I am not running away, Chan. We have all the time in the world."

It sounds like a promise for both him and me.