Night Sky (Harry Styles)

58. messages

CHAPTER 58: MESSAGES

       Sunday, July 16th 2017 - Eugene, Oregon

 Thoughtfully, I lie on my back on the soft yet arid grass in Beth's backyard. It is dark outside since it's early in the morning. Maybe around 2am. The sun has disappeared and instead there is a different astronomical object to be seen. The moon. An object that has never interested me. It has always been there and I never paid any sort of attention to it but ever since Harry told me so many stories about astronomical objects and ever since we spent so much time outside watching the night sky, the moon, the sun and the stars seem a lot more fascinating to me.

 My gaze sweeps over to the little stars that actually aren't so little. They look like sparks on a black painted canvas. As I observe them, I try to find a star constellation but to me, without Harry's help, they don't form any shapes. He is always the one to point a star constellation out and then he guides me until I can see it myself.

  "So that's what you do with Harry? Just lying in the backyard and watch some stars?" Beth sounds confused.

  "Yeah but he always tells me stories when we do this." I say.

  "Oh yeah Jess once mentioned that he liked to force her to listen to them and now he's doing the same again." Beth chuckles and I frown. I turn my head to look at her and shake my head.

  "He isn't forcing me. He became so insecure about this because of Jess so now I have to ask him to tell me a story. He thinks he's boring."

  "Well, isn't it...boring?"

  "No. Not at all. I love them. I love it when he talks about it," I answer and turn my back to look at the dimly lit sky, "He's passionate about it. He's so handsome when talks about his passion because his eyes sparkle and...and his voice is different. He sounds excited. I can see that he loves it and then I love it, too."

 Beth chuckles again but she isn't laughing at me or at Harry. It sounds like a chuckle that she slowly starts to understand what I'm saying.

  "Harry once told me he likes to think that each star is a sun far far away and has its own planet that orbits around it, you know? He likes to think that each star has a planet that is like ours, filled with life," I tell her absorbed in thought, "I like that theory of his."

  "So he believes in aliens?"

  "Harry doesn't like the term alien, so he believes in life," I say, "Why should our planet be the only one filled with life? The universe is...gigantic."

  "Well, he has a point." Beth agrees and I nod along, "Do you know what is funny? You're mad at Harry yet you talk about him the whole time."

  "I can't help it." I tell her truthfully.

 Whenever I look at the night sky I have to think of Harry, of his words, his stories. The night has always been the time where we shared our secrets, told childhood stories. Our late night talks have been the most important and beautiful talks I've had with him because then I really got to know him. His passions, his fears, his secrets. For some reason it was easier for us to open up at night.

  "You know, recently I caught myself wanting to have the same thing. A relationship. Someone like Harry. But I fear committment and it's not so easy for me to get rid of this fear like it was for you," Beth says, "And there are a few more things that make it difficult at the moment..."

  "Do you know what I realized?" I ask her and look at her again. This time Beth is staring up at the sky. She is still pale and the white moonlight doesn't make it any better. But she is so pretty with her pale skin and her long dark brown hair. "I realized that I never feared commitment itself. I feared wasting my time and I thought I'd do that when I commit myself to one person. But that's not true. I can have just as much fun while having a boyfriend."