Night Sky (Harry Styles)

25. torn

CHAPTER 25: TORN

                            Sunday, June, 4th 2017 - Los Angeles, California

                   I quietly shut the door behind Sam after we entered the motel room. The thoughts in my head are running wild as I try to think of how to justify what Harry and I did. I don't want Sam to be angry with Harry. If he is going to be angry with anyone, it should be me.

 Neither Sam nor I say a word. He stares at me while having his arms crossed in front of his chest, making him look inaccessible and tight-lipped. I have my hands behind my back, playing with the bracelet that Harry has given me for my birthday when we were pretending not to be tied down, pretending to be Stella and Harry in an alternate universe.

  "Don't you have anything to say?" Sam finally speaks up and he sounds forced.

  "I don't know what you want to hear." I mumble and look down.

 Usually, I hate it when Sam tries make me feel bad about something I enjoyed. But this time he does have a reason. I'm his girlfriend and left with a friend of ours instead of Sam. Moreover, I have hooked up with Harry. 

  "An explanation maybe? An apology? Why the fuck you left with Harry? With Harry out of all people?" Sam's voice raises but he takes a deep breath afterwards to try and calm himself.

  "Are you only angry because I left with Harry?"

  "Yes! No. I mean, I'm angry at you because you left...just...I thought—You know exactly how I feel about him lately!"

 He runs his fingers through his straight brown hair as he sits down on the edge of the bed. His head full of thoughts, he stares at his own feet and looks like a picture of misery. Sighing, I cross the room and stop in front of him. He skeptically looks up while I try to swallow the lump in my throat.

  "Did you sleep with him?" Sam asks and his brown eyes stare into my blue one's.

 I open my mouth but nothing comes out. Should I tell him the truth or rather keep it a secret for a little bit longer? Should I talk to Harry first and let him know that I'm going to tell Sam? The least thing Sam deserves is for me to come clean. It's not fair to keep him in the dark any longer. He deserves so much better than me and what I have to offer. 

  "So you did? I should have known." Sam mutters and shakes his head. His voice is laced with pain. He is quieter than I had expected him to be. 

 I finally find my voice again, "Sam, no..."

  "No?"

  His tensed shoulders relax and I see relief  behind his chocolate brown eyes. However, I couldn't feel any worse. I only decided to not come out with the truth yet because I want Harry to know first. I don't need Sam barging into Harry's room, raging with anger and yelling at Harry and have Jess find out through Sam. This is a disaster and I don't know what Harry and I were thinking when we started this.

  "Then tell me why the fuck—," Sam freezes and then takes a deep breath, "Tell me why you decided to leave with Harry."

 I nod and my fingers stroke through my hair as I try to come up with a plausible excuse, "So, remember that party in...I think we were in Morro Bay. We had a fight earlier and then kind of made up. I've had a bit too much wine this night and I found Harry and basically forced him to do this."

  "But why? Do you know what went through my head all this time? And neither of you took any of my calls or replied to messages. I went fucking insane!" Sam bursts out and I placatory put a hand on his shoulder.