Night Sky (Harry Styles)

19. apologies and wrath

CHAPTER 19: APOLOGIES AND WRATH

Wednesday, May, 31st 2017 - Carmel-By-the-Sea, California

I wake up with an aching pain shooting through my back. Groaning, I roll onto my stomach and feel someone sitting next to me. Confused, I lift my head and see Harry. His back is slightly bent as he is looking at his phone. I draw my eyebrows together, trying to figure out why Harry is in my my room with me, and not Sam.

"Uh, where's Sam? And what are you doing in my room?"

"Good morning to you too, Estelle," Harry says, turning around to face me with a soft smile on his lips, "They are getting breakfast and Sam said I should wait for you to wake up because I sat with you when you fell asleep. We just weren't sure what you were gonna be like when you wake up."

Rubbing my eyes, I sit up and pull the blanket up to my chin. I look around, my eyes scanning the room Sam and I share at our Airbnb. My throat is dry and I feel like I've been screaming for hours. Harry hands me a water bottle and I gratefully take it, taking huge sips from the luke-warm water.

I close the bottle again and throw it next to me and I lose the grip on my blanket. Suddenly, I realize that I'm sitting here in only my underwear. The only other thing that was covering me is a blanket while Harry sits there fully dressed. Harry looks a bit abashed yet concerned.

I remember the most part of last night but not what happened after Harry took me back to our Airbnb. The last thing I know is soaking Harry's shirt with my tears as I sobbed and felt depressed for no reason until I fell asleep on his chest.

Harry clears his throat and I shyly look up at him, "When I undressed you something fell out of your pocket," Harry says and I freeze, "You lied to me, Estelle. You said you wouldn't have any more of this shit with you but you had a full bag of it in your pocket."

My head aches when I hear his voice getting louder. I don't want Harry to be mad at me. Sam is already mad. Honestly, I can't remember why I hid that bag from him. I don't think I want to do cocaine ever again, any drugs to be honest.

"I'm sorry." I answer sheepishly. I look at Harry's hand and see the tiny bag half-full with white powder. "I don't know what I was thinking. I'm sorry for everything last night."

"Why did you agree to take drugs with that random guy anyway?"

"I was...I was just sad, I guess," I tell him and don't dare to make eye contact with him. He must be judging me for this decision. Everyone is and I don't deserve anything else, "I guess, I wanted attention. Sam and I had a fight a bit earlier and it sounded like...like a breakup. I wanted Sam to take care of me because that's how we always make up. And then this guy came and told me this would make me happy. His words sounded right at the moment. It was stupid, I know."

"How can doing drugs ever sound right?"

"Like I said, I don't know why I agreed. I wanted attention, Sam's or yours. I got yours. I was happy, until you took me back here. I'm not doing it again."

It is the same as always. I'm making a mistake and everyone is pointing at it, marking it with a thick, red marker so I won't ever forget about it and be reminded of it in five months still. The only difference is that usually it is Sam who is telling me what I did wrong, not Harry.

"Estelle, you can smoke joints and get drunk all you want. But drugs like these? Please don't ever do that to me again, ok? I was worried. We all were," Harry says gently and puts the little bag away so he can pull me into a hug, "You can come to me when you're sad. I'll listen. I want to be there for you."