Helluva Boss

Carnivals, They're Lit

You'd been in Hell for a few months now. Everything you did was kind of normal, killing people, drinking until you blackout, doing so many drugs you pass out. It was great! You were in the main area of the office waiting for a client. Damn, no one wants anyone dead today?

You heard Blitzø yelling from his office, nothing unusual. Until he swung open the door holding a megaphone.

"M n' M and Y/N, get in here! We're going to Loo Loo Land!" Blitzø yells through the megaphone.

Moxxie opens the door to the main area, "Loo Loo Land?"

Millie smashes the door's window, "LOO LOO LAND!"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Loona yells.

"What the fuck is Loo Loo Land?" You question.

...

Apparently it's a carnival. The company van pulls up, it's your basic kidnapper van but with the I.M.P. logo spray painted on the side. Moxxie opens the door and steps outside cautiously, while wearing "spy" sun glasses, he opens the side door wider and Stolas walks out, giddy. Octavia follows him, using her beanie to cover her face. Blitzø and Millie walk out and then you follow, quite unsure about what the whole deal is.

Up ahead you overhear Blitzø talking to Stolas, "Now, remember this is work and work only. Me and my crew are not here to satisfy your perverted bird needs, alright?"

You're mouth hung open, now you're really confused and concerned and scared. What did Blitzø mean by "Perverted bird needs"?

"Hey... Dad... Do we have to...?" Octavia mumbles nervously.

"Okay, yeah. Hold on right there, sweetie." He speaks to Octavia and then turns to Stolas.

"Hey kid, what did you need?" You ask the tall owl like creature, her dark blue feathers are side swept over her right eye, her black beanie with a crown on top of her head, red sclera with white irises looking around the carnival nervously, she wore a black cardigan over a pink long-sleeved shirt decorated with pale yellow stars, black pants, and boots.

"What I need is for my father to listen to me," she raised her voice.

Then Stolas interrupts Blitzø, "You are so cute when you are serious!"

Octavia turns away disgusted, "I'm literally going to be sick."

Moxxie searches through his fanny pack, "Oh, crumbs! I knew today would be a lot! What do you need?" He finds pill bottles and throws them out, "Anti-acids? Ibuprofen?" Then he grabs a bunch of needles filled with a green substance, "Morphine?"

Octavia looks at him annoyed, "That was figurative, old man."

Moxxie dumps the needles into a baby carriage and chuckles sheepishly, "Oh, right."

"But, she said it was literal," Moxxie says under his breath.

"She only meant that seeing her father with someone other than her mother, is kind of sickening and difficult to understand," I inform Moxxie.

He nods, "Yeah, I wouldn't like it either."

"Woooooow! I haven't been to this place since I was a tot!" Millie says excitedly.

The letter of a sign falls off and crushes a teenage imp, which makes you cringe. Is this place up to code?

"It hasn't changed a bit," Millie catches sight of an deformed animatronic dinosaur, "Ohhhhh! LOOK! It's Big Woobly!"

The monstrous animatronic responds with a demonic shriek.

Moxxie cringes, "That is deeply upsetting." You nod.

"Oh, come on! It's fun! You've never been here!" Millie encourages.

"No. Theme parks always disturbed me, especially the mascots," Moxxie says disgustedly.

"Yeah, I never liked all the (whatever you don't like about carnivals, if you absolutely love them then skip this)," You added.

Then out of nowhere a man wearing an apple costume jumps in front of you three, "Well, hey there!"

Moxxie jumps back and screams in terror.

"I'm Loo Loo! Welcome to Loo Loo Land! If y'all get hurt here, just try to sue us." The mascot says.

Stolas gasps as he spots Loo Loo, "Look! Via! It's Loo Loo!"

Octavia looks at the mascot, "I have a question."

"Well ask away, little girlie," He chuckles.

"Is it true this park is just a really shameless spin-off of Lucifer's far more popular, Lu Lu World?"

"Okay, what the fuck is Lu Lu World!?" You ask.

The mascot stares at Octavia in defeat, "No?"

"This place reeks of insecure corporate shame," Octavia says.

Stolas leads her away. You don't want to be near the odd apple man any more so you leave too. You go off on your own since you figure you won't be much use as a body guard, since you're kinda just the techy. You walk around the carnival that's filled with green tents and stalls for games. Why would anyone want to kidnap someone coming to this place?

You remember what Blitzø said about the tall owl-like demon, he's a prince of Hell or something along those lines. You think about how similar Octavia looks compared to her father, honestly they could be twins if not for their age and him being her father. You continue to think about random things while walking around the theme park.

...

About an hour passed, and that's when it all went to shit.

Green flames erupted from the main tent, "What the actual fu-."

You run towards the commotion and find a melting jester animatronic slowly walking towards Blitzø. "What the fucking asshats!?!?"

Blitzø shoots the jester but it catches the bullet with it's mouth, "Oh, what a mouth," Blitzø remarks.

Fuck that son of a bitch, if he wants to die he can, but I'm getting into that goddamn van. You go through the other side where the back of the game stalls can be seen and sprint towards the direction of the exit. You make it outside the gate and find that Octavia and Stolas are all there. Stolas and Octavia look like they've finally solved whatever was happening between them. The sight filled you with joy and you wave goodbye to the father and daughter couple.

Suddenly a large explosion goes off and all your coworkers plus your boss are on the ground in front of you.

"Way to ruin another good thing, sir!" Moxxie says in pain.

"Worth it! That slutty clown had. It. Comin'!" Blitzø responds in a daze.

"WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED!?" You yelled.

A Queef starts to drag Millie away, but you chase after it and eventually get it off of her.

"Shoo, you ugly midget!" You shoo.

Why did I miss the whole goddamn story line!?

You sat with your unconscious coworkers and boss and sighed.