Helluva Boss

If You See A Famous Clown Expect To Be Kidnapped

It was your day off and Blitzø had asked you if you wanted to go with him to get some coffee. Since he's your boss and you kinda need a little more souls in your pocket you agree, you didn't realize he would end up getting kicked out because-

"Look lady, it's not my fault if you only know how to make coffee that tastes like piss!" Blitzø yelled at the employee as she kicked him out, I stood behind her shaking my head.

Just as he finished yelling the sounds of dogs yipping and skidding came closer, you looked over and saw the famous clown, Fizzarolli, and he was starting to get extremely close to Blitzø. Since you wanted to keep your job you pulled Biltzø away from the pack of dogs running toward him.

"Looky who it is," Fizzarolli said with a smug smile on his face.

"Oh, fuck," Blitzø responded. "You again."

Fizzarolli raised his pink rimmed and yellow tinted sunglasses, "stalking me now, huh?"

"Oh don't fucking flatter yourself, clown. I have my own life ya know without you in it."

"Uh-huh sure, Blitzo."

"The 'o' is silent now, bitch! And gee whiz! We've been in each others relative vicinity, twice in the last fifteen years. That would make me the shittiest stalker in history!"Bliztø tries to  prove his point.

"Twice, is already way too much," Fizzarolli pokes Blitzø in his chest the pushes him out of the way.

"Yeah? Well at least I'm still actually working for my shit and not getting everything handed to me like some pampered attention whore!"

Fizzarolli starts growling as though he were one of the dogs he was walking, "yeah, well guess that's what resilience and talent gets ya." He giggles, "plus! My horns were alway bigger than yours... Weren't they?"

"Blitzø, don't do it, it's not worth it-," before you can finish he's already sprinting towards Fizzarolli, you smack your head with your palm.

You watch them fight like how they do in the cartoons, rolling on the floor, kicking up dust, and punching, kicking, and biting each other. You sigh as you pet Fizzarolli's dogs. Eventually a crowd of demons began to gather around the fight, cheering them on. Suddenly, a rope comes from nowhere and ties them together, before they're off the ground and into the air you stupidly grab on to the rope and get dragged with them. Your thrown into a wall with the two imps thrown at you as well which really, really hurts. 

Familiar laughter fills the air, then another familiar voice says, "you're hired!"

"Funny to run into ya again, 'Blitzy'," your still a little shaken from the impact but eventually you recognize Striker's voice and you tense up. "And with a famous friend."

"Aw fuck me," Blitzø says.

"For the record we are not friends," Fizzarolli says and crosses his arms like a child.

"Really?! That's important right now?" You hiss at the clown who then shrugs.

"Oh, another old friend, nice to see ya again Y/N," Striker smirks.

"I would say the same but I feel as though these are not 'nice' circumstances," you glare at the imp who only shrugs in response.

...

After a ransom video and then being tied up and thrown into a cell you finally see how fucked the three of you were. Fizzarolli struggles against his bindings.

"Oh chill out, jester. Christ on a stick, it's like you've never been tied up before," Blitzø says, annoyed.

"Ugh, sure but not by a buncha psychos," As the clown struggles he ends up falling over on his side. "Ack! And a piece of shit!"

"Am I? Okay... Am I the psycho or the piece of shit?" Blitzø asks.

"Does it even matter?" You ask.

"Yes, it does," Blitzø answers matter-of-factly.

"Both," Fizzarolli answers Blitzø's question.

"Yeah, that checks."

"How is this happening?! I was just supposed to grab some gas station milk and rehearse some juggling!"

"Oh relax, I'm sure you're big royal chicken ain't gonna let anything happen to his peppy lil' fuck doll," you wince at Blitzø's words.

"Oh playin' that card huh? Okay what about you? Seems your tastes have gotten more 'regal' lately," Fizzarolli laughs.

"Yeah well unlike you, I fuck who I want when I want. I'm not gonna be tied down by some big blue-blood asshole."

"You coulda fooled me, the way princey was cozying up to you at Ozzie's."

"Hey! Stolas only cares about having a rugged peasant raw-dog him into his mattress it's nothing, ya know... It's nothing else."

"Then why were you even there?"

"Other very important reasons of course!" You shake your head in disappointment at his response.

"Whatever, I don't actually care."

Blitzø ignores him, "I mean, Stolas is just a loud, thirsty, bitch who loves feeling the thrill of getting dicked by the lower class. It's a novelty to him."

"Literally just said I don't care."

"And then! He'll call me and try and see how my day was and he'll pretend to care about me, and comment on my photos and laugh at my jokes."

"Oh! Well that's definitely your clue right there that it's all bullshit."

"I know, right?" Fizzarolli rolls his eyes as Blitzø continues, "he's just a fake privileged asshole."

"Sounds like you just hate him for being a prince. Because no one, and I mean no one, pretends to care that much just for a cheap lay."

"Point is royal demons don't give a shit about guys like us they're all the fucking same."

"That's not-!" Fizzarolli catches himself, "a-always true... But I guess you're right, they can't all be the same if some have taste and some wanna fuck you."

"Can we talk about something other than my sex life?"

"Yes! Please!" You beg.

Blitzø ignores you, "Satan's taint... Is fucking that lust guy make this what you're all about now?"

"You brought it up asshole!" Fizzarolli yells.

"Would you two shut the fuck up already?!" Striker yells, "bickering like a couple of teen skanks, as far as I'm concerned you two are both embarrassments to our kind for meddlin' with blue-bloods to begin with. But at least loud mouth here has the sense to only fuck his rich bitch instead of being a little purse dog."

"Oh, great! The fucking supremacist is on my side, wonderful," Blitzø says sarcastically.

"Neither of you filth bags know what you're even talking about. If you think you're superior to anyone, then you're no better than any royal-," Fizzarolli retaliates.

Striker quickly grabs the clown by his neck, "Don't. You. Dare. Finish that sentence, clown..."

Suddenly Moxxie's father interrupts, "hey! Hick-for-hire! I said watch 'em not fuck 'em. Keep ya hands off the merchandise!"

As soon as Striker releases Fizzarolli he snuffs up his nose as if he were revolted, "Eugh! Ever heard of mouthwash?! Fuck FAAAAAAAAAAAACE!"