Fire Phoenix

Chapter 31

Today was the day I would confront Jason Todd. Even if I may seem demanding for an answer, wouldn't everyone. If you loved someone so much, you would do anything for them.

So, finding out if the guy I like, likes me back would be this crazy, I would do it.

I had training today, luckily Jason wasn't with me. It was just me and Gar, however today I was a little more pissed off than usual.

"You in a mood or something, you seem mad at something?" Gar asked as we took a water break. "Kinda, just that I have to do something later and I am really anxious on how it could turn out." I answered.

"I am sure whatever it is, it will be okay and whatever the situation comes out to be it was for a reason." Gar comforted me, making me feel a bit better than I was.

"Now let's get back to training and try not to burn me alive." Gar joked, "I promise I won't" I laughed getting ready to go back to training.

After a while we ended our training and I got changed out of my sweaty workout clothes. Good thing is Gar, Rachel and Dick were going out for something so it would just be me and Jason for the time being.

So if we were to argue no one would hear, but I hope that's not what it comes to.

I sat in my bed dreading the conversation I was about to have with Jason. I concentrated on my breathing, focusing on the positive conversation we could have in a minute, but the bad one keeps coming up again.

If I wasn't anxious about Jason I would love for him to be here right now and comfort me, but sadly that wasn't the case.

I barged into Jason's room not caring if he would be mad at me or just not wanting to see me at all. "I am tired of waiting." I argued, grabbing his attention from where he was sitting on his bed.

"Look, I have given you time to think. But yet you still haven't said anything, you haven't even talked to me really. If anything you have been ignoring me for the past week." I yelled still not getting a response from Jason, or I wasn't giving him time to think and respond, but that doesn't matter.

"I don't need to waste my time on a guy who doesn't feel the same way as me. I can't keep worrying over some guy who kissed me then ignored me for days." I added, I wanted to cry and yell all at the same time, but it seemed that my anger brought out the worst of me here.

I waited a minute hoping to get a response from him but getting nothing. He looked down trying not to keep eye contact. He seemed disappointed in himself, if I wasn't so pissed off at him I would have comforted him but right now I wanted him to feel bad.

"I have done this shit before. I have fallen in love too fast, then got rejected by the same guy. He made me love him, and I said I love you, and then he blocked me out, hurt me for months, then left. And I am not doing that shit again." I yelled, starting to tear up a little, Jason seemed to be confused and almost sad, but I didn't feel bad.

"So unless you say you love me or even that you like me, I will stay. But I am not going to love you in a one sided relationship." I argued, ready to walk out the door or kiss him again, 3 words would choose the right response.

"I don't know" Jason finally spoke, looking back down after he spoke. "What do you mean I don't know?" I questioned.

"I don't know how I feel. You come in here demanding an answer out of me. And you are yelling and arguing and not letting me think about my own feelings" Jason yelled, now also pissed off.

"Jason, look maybe you have a fucking hard time expressing your feelings, but you were the one to kiss me. You had to have at least some thought in doing that." I argued, pissed off on how he could sleep at night knowing that kiss meant nothing to him and everything to me.

"Yea and maybe I fucking regret kissing you." Jason yelled getting up from his bed and standing inches from me. "What?" I questioned, starting to tear up.

That was the worst thing someone has said to me in a while, the one thing I haven't stopped thinking about, the thing I have dreamt about, Jason regretted it.

He didn't seem to be proud of what he said, but at the moment he didn't care. He had this thing of if he was pissed, he was angry and there was now way of controlling it. I think I understand it more than others because I am the same way.

"Do you like Jason Todd?" I asked after a few moments of silence. He didn't answer, nor did he look at me, he kept his eyes on the ground. "Leave," Jason yelled.

I did as he asked, wanting to leave anyway, and also not wanting to argue anymore. If I did, one of us would do something we would regret.

I stood at the door, turning around to see him angry and disappointed in himself. "Great job, Todd. You rejected a girl who actually liked you, Jason. See you around." I said, calmer than before.

I walked out of the room with the opposite conversation I hoped for. And the worst part was we would see each other everyday, and live with the pain of our fake relationship I dreamt off.

I ran to my room, not wanting to see anyone or be asked any questions. Luckily no one bumped into me so I could just sit in my room and cry.

How could this happen twice, two men I have loved and both rejected me. Everyone leaves me, not just random people, everyone I love, they leave me, all alone and broken.

I was in my room for days, I just slept, cried and yelled at everything I could think of. I didn't see anyone really for a while. I kept to myself and I guess Jason did too because I also haven't seen him.

With my emotions out of control I trained on my own to make sure I wouldn't hurt anyone in training. Everyone seemed to be mindful of the space I needed at the moment, even if they didn't know.

I felt bad for leaving them and not talking to them, but I needed time and space to think and care for myself not others, even if it killed me.