Their Hidden Treasure

Chapter 22

Trigger warning: Mentions of abuse and suicide.

Sophia’s POV

I was staring at my reflection in the mirror, trying to figure out what to do next.

I looked different. I was well-rested and I ate a few days in a row and it showed. I looked a little bit better. My eyes weren't as dull as they were just a few days ago. My hair was a bit shinier and I wasn’t as pale. There were faint patches of red on my cheeks and it made me look healthy. I looked healthy for the first time in my life.

That was only physical, though. My mental health was still bad. I still wanted to end it all. I still wanted the pain to end.

Physical pain never concerned me. I was used to it. It was familiar and I knew how to handle it.

The emotional pain was another story. I didn’t know what to do with it. I didn’t know how to handle it. The pain was never the same. The images in my mind were never the same. The memories kept changing and there was a new one with each passing second. Some hurt less, some hurt more. Emotional pain was changing by the second and there was no getting used to it.

I was tired of it. I wanted it to end. I didn’t belong here anyway. I didn’t belong in this world. No one would miss me. No one would care.

I wasn’t even supposed to be born. I was never supposed to be here in the first place.

No one would miss me if I were gone.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. A sharp pain in my ribs made me furrow my eyebrows. It was something I was used to, though. It didn’t hurt nearly as much as seeing James’ face every time I closed my eyes. It didn’t hurt nearly as much as remembering all the things James said to me.

Nothing hurt as much as that.

I knew that I was nothing. I knew that I wasn’t important.

But did I really deserve all that? Did I really deserve to be in so much pain?

I opened my eyes again. I looked at my clenched fists and gulped. I wanted to smash the mirror. I wanted to break that illusion of myself that I saw there. I wanted to prove to myself that I wasn’t that girl in the mirror. I wasn’t getting any better. I was still just a broken girl who didn’t deserve to be here. I was just a broken girl who wanted everything to stop.

I imagined myself hitting the mirror with my fist. I could imagine how it would cut my knuckles. I could imagine how it would sting. I could imagine the blood running down the mirror and dripping onto the sink.

I could imagine myself picking up a broken piece of glass. I could imagine pressing it against my skin. I could imagine sliding it upwards. I could already feel the burn it would cause. I could already feel the blood pooling out of me. I could hear the little droplets of blood hitting the floor. I could already imagine the peace I would feel after closing my eyes and letting life leave my body.

I wanted to feel that peace. I wanted it so badly.

“Sophia!” I heard Alexander’s voice.

I flinched hard and looked at the bathroom door. When did he come in? I didn’t even hear him.

I heard footsteps approaching the bathroom door. He knocked twice.

“Sophia?” he called me worriedly. “Are you in there, baby?”

The worry in his voice broke my heart into pieces. Maybe he would miss me? Maybe he would care?

“Yes,” I answered, trying to hide the pain in my voice. “I will be right out.”