Mirage de l'amour (mirage of love)

29

2.17 am on a Friday morning:

I couldn't sleep. It's been 2 months since my birthday. Since jude got in contact with me. I felt like the biggest traitor. Pedri didn't deserve this. I need to tell him. I look to my right and there he laid. So peaceful. So at ease. He had the cutest sleeping face known to man.

honestly, I won't lie. I did miss gavi. After all he was the first one I met. I don't miss him in a romantic way, I miss him as a friend. He was reassuring. Okay fine, maybe a bit in a romantic way. But I'm happy with pedri.

9.37 am the same day.

I decided to tell pedri about jude. I couldn't go on like this knowing my own boyfriend didn't know about this thing.

"Hey, can I talk to you?" I asked while he was picking out clothes from his closet. "Yeah sure, about what?" He said turning around paying full attention to me. I was sat on the bed so he came over. "Remember my birthday?" I ask. "Yeah".
"Jude texted me" I say scared to look up at his reaction. "Jude? The one you were in love with?" He asked. "Yes that jude".
"What did he say?" He asked me curious. "Well at first he said he missed knowing me and last week he asked to meet up" I say. He makes a weird face, a face that indicates confusion. "Obviously I said no" I say immediately to clear up the confusion. "Does he know you're with me?" He asked. "No, I haven't told him yet" I reply. "Why?" He asks. "Because I don't talk to him, I don't see a need in telling him about my life" I reply. "If he messages you again you should tell him. And if he doesn't stop after that either send me his number or block him" he says getting up.

I could sense he was a bit irritated. I under where he was coming from though. I wouldn't like it if I were in his position. But I didn't tell jude about my relationship for a good reason, I liked things private. If he knew I was happy and dating someone known, he'd go all ballistic and do something messed up.

I'm still sat on the bed but I get interrupted from being lost in my thoughts when he comes out of the washroom to say, "by the way, it's Ferrans birthday tomorrow. He invited us. Do you want to go?". "Uhm whatever's good with you" I reply sincerely. "He's my close friend. We should go" he replies. "Okay" I say gently smiling.

It was only 10 am but I knew I had to go home. I didn't feel quite right. I felt like a bother. I went downstairs to pack up a few things I left here the night before and went back up to tell pedri I was leaving.

"I'm gonna go now I'll see you tomorrow" I say at his room door. "What? Whyre you leaving?" He asked putting a shirt on. "I have to do a few things" I lie. "Like?" He says coming closer. "Personal things pedro, I have to go" I say almost turning around. "You don't need to lie to me, mar. Why are you actually leaving?" He asked holding my wrists. I wasnt gonna tell him that im leaving because I felt annoying, that sounds stupid. "I'm not lying, just girl things" I say trying to sound convincing. "Okay let me drop you off" he insists. "No my Ubers here, it's fine" I say heading downstairs. "Okay call me when you're done" he said believing it.

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It was 5 pm now. I've done nothing all day. I wanted to go to the gym but I didn't have the energy. Suddenly, I get a call from pedri.

Hey, are you done with your things?
Uh, yeah I just finished.

Oh great, I wanted to talk about today.
Can we do this tomorrow? I don't want to talk about this.

Why not? We can't avoid this forever.
It's not forever. It's just today.

Fine. Ferrans party starts at 9. I'll pick you up at 8.20. And the dress code is classy casual.
Alright. I'll see you then. Bye.

I cut thé call before he could say bye back.

Honestly, I don't know why I was acting like this. If anything pedris the one who's meant to be the annoyed one.

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I text sira to ask what she's wearing tomorrow. She sends me a couple of choices and I help her choose which one. I ask a few other girls and it gives me an idea of what to wear.

___________

It was now night and I got a text from Marco, asking to go out with a couple of friends. I said sure because I was bored anyways. We just went out to a restaurant in a small town. I didn't have wifi so I didn't receive pedris goodnight text which he then called me for.

"Hey, is everything okay? Why are you ignoring me?"

"I'm not ignoring you pedri, I didn't have wifi"

"Oh, are you out?"

"Yeah I am"

"With who"

"Just some school friends"

"Oh alright. Be safe. Call if you need anything"

"Goodnight pedri"

I say and close the phone, walking back to the group. I'll be completely honest, I didn't truly enjoy being around anyone except pedri. I wanted to leave the moment I got here. So I left early.