𝐊𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐦𝐞 𝐨𝐫 𝐊𝐢𝐬𝐬 𝐌𝐞

28 - tainted

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Belles POV :

I'm laying down on my stomach, a pint of cookies n cream ice cream in my hand, my phone in the other and I'm crying, staring at pictures I took of myself and Teo.

I don't know wether I want to delete them, or keep them. If I keep going back to these photos I might get fat. Maybe It was easy to betray me, because of my body. Because of my Bitchy attitude. Because.. I'm tainted.

A man ruined everything in my life, sometimes I wonder how it would be to feel.. normal. To be in a normal family, have a loving Alive mom, a loving father who would always protect you. Annoying sibling, and a dog.

To not have to kill someone to gain any kind of recognition from what I'm supposed to call my father. I want a home. A loving home. He was my home.

I dreamed of so many possibilities with him, how I wouldn't have to be in flight mode all the time, I would feel protected. We would have kids together and a happy family, he would learn to love Duane and I would take cute pictures of them sleeping together.

How he would be the best father, And I'd be a pretty good mom. I would be able to give my kids the life I've always wanted.

But I can't. I'll never love a man the way I loved Matteo.

I'll never have a home. Just a house.

I get up, walking to the bathroom, I tie my hair into a low ponytail, bending down in front of the toilet, I stuck my middle and index finger down my throat and I gagged myself, I made myself throw up everything.

Everything that I've eaten today, My throat is sore and burning, the disgusting taste of vomit is making me want to throw up even more.

I brush my teeth, staring at the reflection in front of me. I'm ashamed. How weak I've become. I have dark circles under my red puffy eyes, I look horrible. Over a man.

I finish and jump onto my bed, burying my head into the soft pillow. Forgetting about everything. Hoping to dream about something worth sleeping. Darkness wouldn't be so bad afterall.

Before I close my eyes I stare at my cute little Duane sleeping at the feet of my bed. A small smile creeps on my face. And I go to sleep.. peaceful? Maybe not.

—

I load my gun, then sliding it into my holster strapped on my hip. I have one gun on each side. I'm wearing black cargos with black flat boots, and a black tank.

I know, it's a lot of one color.

We are going to raid one of the Russians Warehouses, A good payback for jumping me. Leo didn't want to me to come, But I insisted, I'm not some weak girl.

Me, Leo, and Jada, along with a few other guards are going to the warehouse. One is waiting in the truck, for our signal.

I'm going in through the 5th entranceway at the back left side of the huge building. Jada is going in through the right 3rd entrance. And Leo is going in the 1st.

I and a few bodyguards are stealthily walking towards the back of the housing. My hand resting on the gun on my right side.

I peak the corner, clearing it not long after, I kick the door open, holding my gun up, peaking corners.