Theres an alien in my f#king bed... ☆~CREEK~☆

Chapter 17: Im NOT gay?

-

School finally ended. Thankfully I didnt start a fight with Mr. Garrison or id have detention right now. It took everything in my POWER not to because I DO get bitches on my dick!
...
Well I would if the bitches didnt think I was gay!

Kyle and Stan walk up to me. Kyle tilts his head. "Youre not gonna tell Clyde about the porn?" Wow thatd sound really weird without context. You know what its weird in general.

Whatever. Its time to lie. "He uh doesnt wanna talk right now cause IIIIII.... flipped him off. Yeah... Im gonna go see if the cleaners can get guinea pig pee out of a tiny top hat now."

They look pretty convinced. Not that I care though. That last part wasnt a lie. I gotta go.

Much later

Finally home. Stripes top hat is successfully is perfect again. I walk into my room and find Tweek and Clyde running and panicking around Tweeks decapitated tail. Is that the right way to- Yea it is.

"Tweek how- You know what? Just skidadle. Get out. Both of you. And take your tail with you!"

Tweek grabs my shoulders. His antenna are flashing a fucking white... "YOU WONT HELP ME??"

"We can deal with that in the next chapter... Get outtt."

And with that I throw Tweek out, kick his tail to him and Clyde leaves on his own. I flip them both off before slamming and locking the door. Stripe squeaks in her cage and I give her, her tiny top hat.

"Did they cut off Tweeks tail right in front of you? Poor thing... Ya know it might just grow back. Its like a lizards tail ya know?" Then I start rambling. "To get out of sticky situations, some lizards detach their tails from their bodies and scurry away. Im not much of a lizards guy but previous studies showed the vertebrae in a lizard’s tail are ringed by muscles that fit together like plugs and sockets, with each conical “plug” covered in microscopic bumps... Am I boring you?"

She stares.

And stares.

Then squeaks.

"You get it! Now... I must shield your eyes for what I am about to watch is not for little guinea piggies." I take the sheet off my bed and put it over her cage.

Im ready.

I sit at my desk. I open my laptop. I delete the tabs about guinea pigs. I get lost in facts about guinea pigs. I get back on track. I delete the tabs. I go on incognito mode. I search up, "Gay porn"

"Okay.... Here we g-"

10 seconds later

"BLEAARRRGGGGGHHH I-O-OH MY GO-BLEASRRRRGGGG THATS THE MOST DISGU- BLEAARRRRGGGGGGG"

Wh-what was he doing to that other guy?! In not the aroace type but DAMN. Oh. Oh! That means im not gay! Success!

Hmm is Tweek gay? Maybe we could watch together an- NONONONO THATS GAY WAY GAY WAY GROSS

I need to expand.... Kyle said gay porn helps...

"So I have to watch more! I can d-"

120 seconds later

"OH- OH MY GOD WHY IS IT SO ROUGH?!"

Oh my god its making my ASS hurt... HOW IS THIS ENJOYABLE-

Someone knocks at my door freeing me from my thoughts. "Craig youve been screaming for the past 3 minutes!" Clyde...

"Go away its um-.... I uhhhhhhh-"

"Are you watching porn, dude?"

"WOAH GO AWAY"

"Horny bitch!" And with that he walks away from my door.

I hate Clyde.

Anyway its settled then! Im not gay! I call Kyle. "Lie. I gotta lie." I tell myself.

"Kyle! Guess what? I- Hes not gay!"

"Hm? Expand on that."

"Clyde watched gay porn like you said. He hated it! Hes not gay!"

"Uhm... Craig not everyone likes porn.."

My face drops. "What are you saying?"

"He could still be gay and not like gay porn or any porno for that matter... Thats why I said it helps a little bit....."

What. Oh my fucking-

"WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME BEFORE HAND!!?"

"I kinda thought it was obvious!"

"You had me excited for nothing, Kyle!! I-"

"Why would YOU be excited!? The advice wasnt for you!"

"Fuck you! Youre no help!"

I spam his messages with muddle fingers.

"Oh my god stop! I said you can also figure it out by kissing-"

"Again, fuck you! I am- Clyde is not gonna kiss a MAN thats fucking gay, Kyle!"

"Fine then take a gay test online or something I dont know how to help you or Clyde!!!"

"DIE"

"FUCK OFF"

We're silent for a while...

I sigh "You gonna help me study on monday?"

"Its friday cant I help you study tomorrow?"

"Nah I gotta deal with something next chapter."

"Ah okay. Bye."

"Bye."

I hang up and get out of my chair to flop on my bed. I dont wanna be gay... I dont wanna kiss a man either..... should I watch straight porn to see if that gives me a boner? Fuck I wanna just jump off a-

"CRAIG!!" Tweek busts in interrupting my thoughts. "Craig no ones home! Im scared I heard a noise and broke the table and and the tv and- CRAIG I HEARD A NOISE"

....What the fuck.