I was in my room by myself, dialing Clair.
"Hello?"
"Clair...?"
"Carly, what's wrong? Did something happen?"
I wiped at my tears. "Well, not—not really. There is a little something... She's a new girl at school. It feels like...she might take my place with Alex."
"Are you feeling threatened by her or what?"
"Yeah, exactly."
She sighed. "Did Alex lose interest in you?"
"Well, no. But—"
"Is she pretty?"
"Yeah. She's also really talented at baseball. She wears make up and has this pretty haircut. Clair... why can't I do those things? Maybe—maybe if I—"
"Don't even think about it. Your skin is really sensitive right now so focus on it being clean than it being caked up with makeup. And do not cut your hair. Long hair is beautiful on you. Trim, don't cut. Jealous. You are only jealous Carly. That's all. Don't take it any farther than this. In fact, you should definitely sit down and talk to Alex about it. In a very calm composed way so you don't scare him. Just tell him how you feel, why you feel that way. It would help you more than you know. But definitely don't think too much about it. Nothing will happen. Just stay with your boyfriend and love him like you always do."
"But Clair—"
"Sis, remember this for me please, jealousy is like a monster, the moment you believe in it, it will become real, and the second it becomes real, it devours you to no limitation. Stop this now before you do something you'll regret later on. Just do what you normally do and ignore the rest. If your boyfriend still treats you like always, then that's all that matters."
I waited for Alex outside. It was his first time to take this long to come out. I sighed and looked around, wondering what was taking him so long. Truth is, I haven't seen him much all week, and I wasn't sure if it was due to him or myself—I just didn't know how to face him nowadays with a cheerful expression.
"Carly?"
I looked over and saw Triggy walking over. I put on a fake smile. "Hi."
"Hey. You're coming too?"
"Umm..."
"To the arena for some good baseball. Are you coming with Alex?" She asked. "To watch of course." She added pointedly.
Surely he only forgot to invite me. "Uh... actually I'm waiting for some friends. I can't go with you guys."
"Oh." She stared at me. "You know, you're really lucky to have such a happy lively guy like Alex around you all the time. He's always the best to bring out a good mood."
He's only that happy and alive around you.
I laughed nervously. "Oh—yeah—ah, thanks."
"Well, then, bye!" She smiled her genuine smile and left.
I watched her go, my heart ripping into pieces. It was true. I have never seen Alex so alive and happy in my whole time knowing him. He's so comfortable around Triggy and she understands him so much that I can't help but feel like I'm intruding. Jealousy is the only thing I could feel anymore. I wish... I wish I was born to love baseball like him. To understand what it meant. To be able to comprehend all that's been said about it so easily and comment about it like some baseball genius. If only I could do that, then maybe I wouldn't feel bad and left out right now.
