Chapter 46

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Anastasia's POV:~






Grief and pain are universal experiences, yet they are intensely personal and unique to each individual who goes through them. The death of one’s parents is a profound and life-altering event that can leave a lasting impact on a person, especially when it happens at a young age. As a girl in her teens who has recently lost her parents, my grief and pain are overwhelming and all-encompassing.

The initial shock of their passing is unfathomable. It feels as if the ground beneath me has crumbled, leaving me in a state of utter disbelief and confusion. It is as if a part of me has been violently ripped away, causing an emptiness that cannot be filled. The pain is not just emotional but also physical—a constant throbbing in my heart, a heaviness in my chest that makes it difficult to breathe.

Every day is a battle to navigate through a world that suddenly appears unfamiliar and hostile. The simplest of tasks become monumental challenges as my mind is persistently consumed by thoughts of loss and longing. Basic pleasures and joys that once brought happiness now seem insignificant, as the weight of grief overshadows everything.

The emotions that surge through me are a turbulent mix. Intense sadness and longing for my parents are regular companions, and their absence is a crushing reminder of what I have lost. Waves of anger sweep over me, aimed at the unfairness of life and at the circumstances that led to their departure. I could not even say a proper goodbye to them. Though Alessandro said that it was a suicide bombing, I find myself questioning everything, searching for answers that may never come.

Guilt is another emotion that weighs heavily on me. It is a complex and irrational feeling, as I wonder whether I could have done more, been a better daughter, or prevented their death in some way. Rationality tells me it was beyond my control, but grief often defies logic.

The grieving process is not linear; rather, it is a rollercoaster ride of emotions. Some days, I find myself feeling almost normal, only to be blindsided by a wave of sorrow that leaves me shattered once again. Even the smallest triggers, such as a familiar scent or an old memory, can send me spiralling back into the depths of despair.

The absence of my parents is felt in every aspect of my life. They were my confidants, my guiding lights, and people who always supported and loved me unconditionally. The void they left behind is palpable, and I am struggling to find meaning or purpose without them. It is as if a piece of my identity has been lost, and I am left adrift in a world that seems too cold and unforgiving.

The path of grief is a lonely one. While friends and loved ones offer their support, there is an inherent sense of isolation that comes with losing one's parents. Mine were the ones who knew me best, who had witnessed my growth and shared in my triumphs and failures. Without them, I feel untethered, like I have lost my anchor in the middle of a storm.

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