The Game Of Life

The Final Goodbye

I've always hated goodbyes ever since I was a little girl....

I was full on forced away from his body by all four of them, it took a lot of work for them but I couldn't leave him, I couldn't fail him anymore then I already have. Then magically I'm in my room and I'm in the feudal position on the floor completely braking down. I flip out when they try to touch me because I don't want them, I don't want any of them. I need someone but I don't know who they are all I know is that I need them, maybe its Aiden but he's gone because I failed him.  The pain is almost fully unbearable then  I feel them, I smell him. The calming sent of vanilla and something I can't quite place but its murky and smells like man, those strong arms that are holding me together and stopping me from falling shattering into millions of little broken stupid pathetic failure pieces.

"Shhhh" He whispers into my hair as his arms tighten around me and I'm dragged onto his lap. I let everything out as he holds me in his arm, I let out the pain I've felt since I was little all those things I've never gotten to cry about but most importantly I scream rage and cry about Aiden trying to release the presser in my chest.  I cant believe he's gone! I mean god this is Aiden he told me death wasn't the answer and yet he's gone. "The pain will lessen soon love just let it out...:" I whimper and his arms tighten once more as I borrow into his hard chest and continue to cry.  I just cant believe he's gone, I mean honestly its Aiden, he was the one I had the most hopes for, he was going to change the world. He was so pure and he was always so strong. I can't believe I was crying like a pathetic little loser on my balcony as his life seeped out of him! I'm such a horrible person, this is my fault! God I cant believe I wasn't there for him like I should have been, I'm a crappy friend!

"Nokomis!" He hollers and my tears stop as I look into his hardened stunning eyes. "Stop please just stop! God your tearing yourself apart, its not your fault! Stop blaming yourself please Aiden would hate that." His tone and words make me whimper which makes him sigh as he tightens his arms once more, I can barely breath right now. "I'm sorry but its killing me to see you in this much pain. I'm so sorry about Aiden and I'm so incredibly sorry that you were the one to find him." A new wave of tears fall and I fall asleep in his arms pressed up against his hard chest and balled up in his lap....

Waking up is hell on earth...

For  the first thing he's gone and secondly in a matter of seconds everything come sweeping back and it assaults me once more...

I ball up and am met with a new pair of arms and sent that feels nearly as good, Than.  He smells of cinnamon, pepper and pepper mint.  I don't cry this time but I absorb his warmth and comfort as best as I can. He makes comforting noises and strokes my hair as I quiver in unmentionable pain at the loss that I have to face sooner or later most likely later though. He's gone, truly gone as in his light has been blown out far to early if I do say so myself.

"Love" He whispers in my hair, "I'm so sorry that he's gone, I know how much you miss him and how much it hurts." He whispers into my hair, I look up into his soft eyes and know that I will always need Than but I need him the most right now. He's holding me together but I guess I need to be strong myself. Pulling away I stand up and nearly fall to my knees as a new wave of pain hits my body, I stand there shaking as silent tears fall and stain everything red. I wobble to the bathroom and after using it I was my hand and face. I look so pale and horrid, I've lost my light the same way he did but I swear I wont follow him just for him. He believed that when it came to me death was not my answer and I shall honor that....

I struggle to the kitchen and am met with more tears and six pairs of stricken eyes and broken faces. They all get up and tackle me with hugs but it just make's me feel empty, so incredibly empty. I pull away and wobble back to my balcony and collapse heavily. Shaking I lean against the railing and think about everything  I know about Aiden. He was broken but he constantly fixed us, he wanted to train and he's killed once. I know that he turned because he saved someone and it made him unbalanced. I know that I miss him and that I might not ever be ready for his goodbye. Sighing I close my eyes and think about how he fought the boys and defended Alacer, how he trained with Alacer even though he probably shouldn't have boy was he strong willed. I feel empty and alone, I need both of them but there not here. I can't believe he's gone like at all, it just isn't right. I mean he was always such a fighter and he'd made it this long why not keep on going?  I hate that I wasn't there for him and that its my fault, our fault. I scream and scream until they knock me out....