All the love

1

Breathe, remember to breathe.

Niall frowned and he looked down at the script which he held in his hand. He would do an audition for a movie and it wasn't any movie. It was one of those big movie and the main character was played by Harry Styles, yes, the big star who was in all big movies. He was the man who had everything and he only needed to say one sentence, and the film was Oscar nominated. Niall was nervous because he knew that Harry was in that room. Harry and the director and other people who was imported. Niall knew he had no chance, but still he wanted to test. He wanted to once in his life meet Harry and see him in real life. 

"Peter Anderson?"

Niall looked up. A dark-haired guy stood up and he disappeared into the room. Niall swallowed. There were many before him, and he suspected they would already have found the one before Niall got the chance, but still. He shook nervous with his leg and he tried to remember what he'd say. This role was only a small one and quite insignificant, but it could be the step he needed. Niall had tried everything. He had tried to become as a singer, he also had danced and now he was totally inside becoming this.

"You should get a more normal job." His father had said so many times, but Niall wanted to be something big. He didn't want to end up at the factory in the home town and stand on one place for forty years only to realize that life was over. Niall wanted to make an impression and he wanted to be remembered. He didn't want to just work and raise a family, and then live life with loans and no dreams. No, he wanted to rather be a single guy who tried.

"Sam the Edinburgh?"

Niall swallowed. Another guy got up and went into that room. Niall followed him with his eyes. Why was everyone that confident? Niall just felt small and he sensed that he would make a fool of himself. He was sure he would forget what to say and that they would just laugh at him. Well, maybe he should go home again? But he stayed. He wanted to see Harry Styles, be in the same room as him and breathe in the air as Harry breathed. It was as if that attracted more than the role in the film.

Breathe, don't forget to breathe!

Niall tried to relax. He tried to persuade himself that this was easy. They would still chose a person based on appearance and they would certainly not find Niall interesting. But he wanted to test. They couldn't say more than no?

Niall looked down at the script again. He read it again and again and he tried to remember. The thoughts spun and he frowned. Why couldn't his head just start to work at a normal place? But still, he wanted to try, just try and see if he could be more. Only this time? He closed his eyes and he said the replica in the head. He tried to picture it, how it would look in a movie and he tried to empathize with the role.

"Niall Horan?"

The heart pounded and he was weak in the knees, but he managed to get up. He went to the door and he straightened his shirt. He felt the sweat pouring, but it was too late to do anything about it. He went into the room and the door was closed behind him. He saw an oblong table and five people who sat and just stared at him. He went out on the floor in front of them and he cleared his throat a little.

"Hello, my name is Niall Horan."

He had a spotlight straight in the face and he couldn't even see who as was Harry.

"Okay, the replica?"

It was a deep voice. It was certainly not Harry's voice. Niall cleared his throat a little and he closed his eyes before he started. He opened them and he started.

"But you said you loved me. You said I was the only one, and now you want me to go?"

Yes, the role was about a gay who was a former boyfriend to Harry's character. That was the only reason that Niall so desperately wanted that role.

"I gave you everything." Niall continued and he laid in empathy with the words. "I gave you my life and the only thing you want's that I disappear?"

It was quiet in the room. Niall cleared his throat a bit and he looked sheepishly down at the floor. He was disappointed. He hadn't seen Harry's face and he sensed that this was the only chance he would ever get to do so.

"We will keep in touch."

Niall nodded. He took a deep breath and turned toward the door. Damn, it felt so wrong, as if he had missed something. He felt like a loser, and when he was back in the waiting room he just wanted to cry. He had before this, had such high expectations and now he only felt disappointment. Damn, he was angry with himself that he had suffered just for this. It might be easier to go to the factory, working from eight to five and get a normal life?

Niall slipped out on the parking lot. He had an old rough trail car that long ago had lost the shine. It was blue, full of holes and it refused to start when it was cold outdoors. Niall was close to kicking the car, but instead he chose to open the door and jump in. Quickly he closed the door and he threw the papers on the other seat. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He breathed slowly in and then out. He needed to be calm.