A flame in the Storm

Chapter 9

I ran inside my room and called him, he did not pick up. I kept calling him for hours but there was no response. I left him messages to call me back yet got no reply. I was gripped with fear that he might take some untoward step. If anything happened to him I would never forgive myself. His words kept ringing in my head

"You could have saved me just by accepting my proposal but you chose not to".

Didn't he tell me again and again that I was the only one in his life? But still I broke his heart. I kept calling him the whole night but his phone was switched off. Then dejected, I began waiting for the morning, I was ready way before time and told dad I would take a cab to school as I had important work. I reached school before time and waited at the gate, hoping to see him first, that would be the moment my heart would find peace. But Rizwan never came. After the gate closed, I ran to class I thought I might have missed seeing him there, but there was a substitute teacher, without entering I went to the staff room, there was no sign of him. I inquired at the office, they said he did not come to school today. I asked if he had called informing him when he will be back. They answered in negative. I went back to the class and sat defeated. It was the longest day of my life. The whole day I prayed he showed up for tuition at my home but he didn't. There were so many wild thoughts running in my mind. I did the same thing next day I went to school early and waited for him and he didn't show up again. I was growing so anxious that I thought I would have a heart attack or a nervous breakdown. That night I had a dream.

I was sitting in the class room with Farah and Uzma laughing. It seemed a normal day. Suddenly everything started to change. The sky which was clear with shining sun had turned grey. There were ferocious winds carrying dried leaves. And I was alone as everyone around me disappeared. Rizwan was standing in front of me now, blood dripping from both his hands saying "you are the reason of my death maria, I will never forgive you. You are the reason I am dying", then came forward and smeared blood on my face with his hands and breathed his last in mine. His eyes were still glaring accusing at me.

I woke up screaming.

Mom came running in my room hearing my scream.

"What happened?" Why are you screaming? Did you see a bad dream?"

I nodded looking at mom with fear in my eyes. She sat beside me and curled her arms around me in a hug. She drew me closer and stroking my hair said "it's all right Maria, it was just a dream" but I knew it could become a reality. She slept with me that night but I had lost all my sleep. I lay still beside her as I didn't want to disturb her. I had no idea what to do? I cried whole night, praying with my every breath for Rizwan's safety. I had no idea what to do? His phone was switched off and there was no way of communicating with him. I just hoped he showed up next day at school.

And he did. I thanked god silently when I saw him. He walked past me as if not recognizing me. But I had relief that he was safe. I followed him to the class and sat, thanking god the whole time. He may not come at home, I pondered so I had to talk to him during school hours, seizing the opportunity when he is alone. As I got a chance I sneaked to the staff room alone, but there were other teachers sitting with him. I dared not speak to him in front of others. He was then busy with his other classes. The day was coming to an end but I hadn't had the opportunity to talk to him. The last hour, I excused myself from everyone and went straight to the staff room. Even if he is with others I will ask him to come out, I decided. Luck was on my side he was there alone reading newspaper.

When he saw me, he got up from the chair to leave folding his sleeves. But I could not let him do that. I ran to him and hugged him tight. The tears started flowing and I sobbed. Between sobs I managed to say that I was sorry and I was scared for him. He didn't hug me back nor pushed me away. I was scared to let him go, I had thought I lost him. That he died because of me. Seeing him standing in front of me gave me such a sense of comfort and relief. After few minutes, after assuring myself he was fine and alive. I moved back from the embrace.

Then I saw it. He had jagged cut on his wrist.

"Did you cut yourself? I asked looking at it.

"Yes" he said flatly

"Why?" I asked with fresh stream of tears brimming in my eyes.

"Because you said no" he said. "You were the only person who could make me feel this life was worth living. You were the ray of light that I thought could penetrate the darkness that surrounded my heart. You could have given me a reason to live but chose not to. So I didn't see any meaning in continuing my wretched life."

"Don't do this to me or to you" I said begging him "please understand, it's not possible my parents or the society will never accept us."

"The neighbors saved me" he continued ignoring my pleas. "May be I will not be so unlucky next time".

"Please stop" I croaked.

"Why? You don't even love me?" He barked

"I do" I said. I had to because I could not live with burden that I was the reason behind someone's death.

"I love you" I said convincing both myself and him

"Then why are you not accepting me?"

"I told you already."

"Your love is not true if you cannot proclaim it" he said flatly. "You care for the society more than you care for me. "

"That's not true"

"Then say yes and be mine". He challenged. "If you can't do that, then don't say you love me"

I broke down and dropped to my knees. My parents trusted me; I could not break that trust. But I could not let Rizwan hurt him self. I felt like my heart was tearing apart in two directions. I really had hoped that he would understand but he was adamant. Rizwan was different. I knew he could do anything. My eyes wandered to the jagged line on his wrist. I knew one thing even the thought of Rizwan being dead broke me into million pieces.

He knelt beside me and said "don't just say, prove that you love me, accept me as yours".

I nodded

"I love you. I said and I am yours." He had left me no option but to accept him.

He smiled and lifted me by my shoulders, wiping my tears said "I know you do. I knew you would not let me die. You are an angel."

As he got close to him, we heard footsteps coming towards us. I moved back a few steps and wiped my tears and he went back to his seat.

When he entered I turned around and left the room.

If my acceptance could save him then I will accept him. I made up my mind.

That evening he came to tutor me. Before entering the living room, I slipped the ring he had given to me on my finger.

He became excited seeing it.

"I can't wear it daily " I said "everyone will ask questions."

He nodded and told that he understood. "Even I don't want to make our relationship public" he said. "I don't want you to suffer. Don't even tell your friends. Let it be our little secret".

"Okay" I agreed

Then he broke into an enigmatic smile. "I am the happiest person alive in the world" he announced.

Seeing him happy brought a smile to my face though I was still troubled thinking about my parents. How will they react when they come to know about this? But I decided to push that thought away. I just had to hide it from them till it becomes an absolute necessity to tell them. I had saved a life and I was content with that feeling.

I knew my parents loved me and they would understand.