From Here On Out

nineteen

"I thank god that I'm with you here tonight, Cause that's all I've ever needed in this life."

Present Day

As Tris composes herself the best she can as old tears dry on her face, she pulls back to look at Tobias. Watching him whisper 'I'm sorry' over and over again.

"I'm sorry I hit you." She says running a hand through his hair.

Tobias shakes his head, "No, I'm sorry."

"How long have you known??" She asks him, as she clings to his shirt.

He sighs, "Two, almost three weeks."

Tris hugs him tighter, her arms making their way around him. "I'm not letting you leave me."

They soon find themselves holding each other on the couch, sitting down to discuss it further as the tears die down. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

Tris finds herself asking him that question, not because she wants to make him feel worse for keeping it from her but because she knows there's a deeper reason. There always is with Tobias.

"Because I was scared."

"What are you afraid of?"

Tobias sniffs and Tris looks at his bright blue eyes, not the redness surrounding them.

"Looking at you and just seeing the pity you feel for me now."

Tris sits up, and makes Tobias really look at her.

"Look in my eyes," He does, his eyes shine over with tears as he looks at her. "that's not pity."

"It's love, don't you get that?" Tris says, her voice at a whisper tone due to the cries backed up in her throat.

Standing up and walking to the window, Tobias's hand runs over his jaw. Feeling the stubble he's yet to shave off. "I don't know if I can.... If I can do this with you by my side."

"What?" Tris asks, confused at this.

"I've put you through enough pain to last you a lifetime," Tobias pauses, turning to look at her. "I don't know if I can sit here and put you through more."

"That's behind us Tobias." Tris assures him.

"I can't drag you through more disappointment, and more pain. I just can't. So I've made up my mind."

The words pain him, but he knows they have to be said.

"You can't just make up your mind like--"

"Yes I do Tris, it may come as some surprise but this I can decide."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Tris asks, standing up and crossing her arms.

"You've made every decision in this relationship. You chose to leave, you chose Al. You chose to love me, hate me, use me, all of it!" His voice raises.

"This is my cancer, this is my choice and now you just gotta except my decision."

Tobias walks out the door slamming it, and disappearing onto the dark shadowed porch.

/    /     /     /

One Year Ago

"Wow, this is beautiful." Tris comments, going through another box of things as they unpack in their new home.

Tobias smiles softly at the memory of the object, "Was my mothers. She gave it to me when I was little."

Tris turns to look at him, still holding the fragile blue glass.