From Here On Out

forty six

"Full moon, I had a past,"

Two Years Ago

Tobias gazed down at Tris, her sleeping body taking up the right side of his bed. Her honey hair sprawled over the pillow, outlining her face in gold. She had showed up in his room that night, taking him by surprise.

He never thought she would be in his bed again, much less his room. And looking at her now, as she sleeps soundly beside him Tobias feels a small ping of hope growing in his heart. He didn't want to feel it, knowing his diagnosis and odds of getting the transplant, he didn't want to get hopes up and then have them crumble when he dies.

But he can't help smiling down at her, love swelling in his heart along side the hope. His love for this girl has never faded, never dimmed, and has forever stayed strong.

"I still love you Beatrice," Tobias whispers as softly as he can to the angel laying in bed beside him. Gently running his fingers through the strands of her long golden hair. "I never stopped. Even when I should've, I never stopped loving you."

Tobias doesn't know if Tris can hear the words he tells her, but something tells him that what he says will get to her somehow. One way or another.

"And I'm never going to stop."

Tobias knows that his love for her isn't going away, it hasn't gone away after all these years... it's staying right where it is.

"I'm never going to stop thinking when I hold you in my arms, that this world seems a whole lot less daunting."

Kissing her temple softly, Tobias rests back down beside her. Pulling her back into his chest, and wrapping her up in his warm embrace. Savoring this moment. The kind of moment he never thought he'd get again, a moment he didn't believe he deserved to get again.

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Present Day

It had been a couple days since Tobias brought up the idea of going into business at a bar with someone he knew from his meetings. Tris didn't bring it up, not wanting to push but instead wanting him to come to her with his thoughts and feeling about the idea. His decision. 

Tobias didn't bring it up to her again since that evening because he didn't have a clue what to say to her. There wasn't anything he could say that would change her fears and her worries, he understood them and didn't want to change them. But he couldn't muster up the courage to talk to her about his own fears and worries... not until tonight.

Not until days later when the weight of all he's kept inside was finally beginning to crush him.

"Hey," Tris says lifting her head, sitting on their bed reading. "what's going on?"

She sees that troublesome look in his eyes as he stands in the doorway, Tris can see how something is on his mind and his heart.

"You were right." His voice is so raw and fragile that Tris almost doesn't recognize it. Setting her book down beside her on the bed, she sits up.

"I'm scared." Those two words were the only words Tris wanted to hear from him, a genuine confession from Tobias on his own terms. She knew the truth but until he knew it too... she didn't want to bring it up.

"I've spent a lot of my life with you, dreaming of the family we would build together. The little boy or little girl we would raise together in this house I've built for you. And now that it's here, now that it's all right in front of me... it's scares me Tris."

Tris listens intently to him, wanting him to know that she's empathizing and not judging. 

"Everything I thought I had let go of, all of it's rocketing towards me. Eating at my mind."

"Why didn't you come to me?" Tris asks, watching Tobias take a few steps into the bedroom. Closer to her now.

"I didn't know how."

Tris's heart breaks little by little when she hears this.

"You have this faith in me, that I'm a better man and I can be a great father. And right when I start to believe you, all of my past comes back placing doubt in my head."

"Tobias--"

He cuts her off before she can say anything more than his name.

"I've been in rehab four times, that's no kind of role model. My father was lousy drunk, so was I. Passed down through generation, that's no kind of thing to pass down to my child."

"Tobias," Tris whispers as she shakes her head at him. "you're forgetting the things that you will pass down to our child." 

"Our child is getting a father who embodies bravery, and strength. Our child is getting a role model who will teach them to fight for what's important, to never give up. Our child is getting you, Tobias, as a father. And there's no better man for the job, than you."

"You're here," She breathes with a smile. "that's what matters."

Tobias feels the tears slipping out of his and running down his cheeks before he can stop them. Walking over, he joins Tris on the bed. Sitting down by her feet, feeling her reach out to him and wipe the tears that are trailing down his face. 

"I love you." Tobias whispers to his wife. The woman who gives him hope, strength and love.

"I love you too Tobias."

Tris smiles at her husband, as he composes himself. Feeling the weight lifted from him, telling her that he isn't going to take the job. Feeling lighter after sharing it all with her.

"Tobias?" Tris asks, looking down at their hands entwined and back up into his beautiful blue eyes.

"Hmm?"

"This child that we're going to raise together in this house you built for us," Tris begins to say, feeling the new smile spread across her face. "it's a little girl."

Tobias can't believe his ears at this news, and soon a smile mirroring Tris grows on his face as well.

A baby girl.

"We're having a little girl." Tobias whispers, laughing in joy and kisses his wife.

A daughter; the baby girl Tobias had always dreamed of. In a matter of months, he was going to be a father to a beautiful little girl.

A/N: This chapter turned out wayyy better than I had planned! :) It's a girl, I'm so excited!