From Here On Out

fifty two

"I know these storms will pass, And the sun will shine,"

Present Day

Tobias slept that night on the couch, he didn't leave like Tris had thought he might after the way she went off on him. But he didn't come to bed. Tris wasn't sure if she was wishing he would slide into bed beside her, hugging her and apologizing like they used to. A part of her wanted to tell him she was sorry, that maybe she wasn't giving him the love he truly needed. And a part of her wondered if she had pushed him into seeking out a woman he had history with, and that stopped her from going out to the living room and apologizing. She felt guilty, she felt sad, she felt mad, she felt everything a person could feel.

When she got up the next morning, got Melody ready for daycare, Tobias wasn't there on the couch anymore. And she was scared she blew her chance, but she figured he'd have to come home at some point. Then they could talk about things.

Tobias sat with Ashley in a diner, drinking strong coffee and feeling aches in his neck from the position he slept in on that tight couch.

"So how long have you been sober now?" Ashley asks Tobias.

"Oh, lets see. Two and half years. I would've been four years, but I relapsed a couple years ago." Tobias shrugs. "How about you?"

"Two miserable weeks." She laughs.

"I remember those days, I'm supposed to tell you it gets easier, but you know." Tobias laughs along with her, and it feels good to see an old friend like her.

"What made you get serious about it?"

"A girl." Tobias smiles softly. "Tris, she was always my reason for trying to get sober. And when she finally left, that's when I really wanted to get sober. Of course, that was also the time that I really wanted a drink."

"Is she still in your life?" Ashley asks.

"Yes, she's my wife now."

"No kidding!" Ash exclaims, and a little bit of her southern accent begins to show.

"Two years now, the love of my life." Tobias feels a ping of pain in his heart as he imagines Tris in his mind. Everything about her vivid and lovely, making him feel that much more guilty.

"She's everything I ever wanted in life, and I have to pinch myself some days, still wondering if it's all a dream."

"She sings and plays the guitar, like me." Tobias lies. Ashley knew he always had an interest in music.

"Really?"

"Oh yeah," Tobias nods before shaking his head. "No, she's tone deaf. But she tries for me. And she's amazing at everything. At life, at being a mother."

"You have children?"

"One. A girl, her name is Melody."

Ash smiles, "I bet you make one hell of a father Tobias."

Tobias nods, but wonders as he does from time to time if he's filling his role as much as he can.

"I'm happy to see you this happy Tobias Eaton," Ash smiles at her friend. "If anyone deserves it, it's you."

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Later that Day

Tobias sits in one of those chairs once again, this time eyes on him as he speaks.

"I thought most of my mistakes were caused by my drinking problem, and I know many were. But then, when I mess up and I've been sober for years, I know it's me. Pure old me that screwed up, and I think that hurts worse. That I can still screw up the way I do, without the help of cheap liquor."

Tobias shakes his head, he told Tris he was changed. And now he can't help but wonder if he's turning back into that man that he doesn't want to see.

"I say things, and once those words get said, I can't take them back. They've been shared and they've been heard. They hurt people. They hurt the person I care the most in the world for, they hurt when I know she's trying her best. I get angry, and I say things that I can't take back."

"I got a daughter," Tobias feels tears burning in the corners of his eyes. "And here I sit, confessing that I screwed up once again. Here I sit, like that stupid drunk I guess I've always been. Here I sit, that man who will always keep making mistakes, alcohol or no alcohol. Here I sit, when I should be at home. With her and her mother."

"But she doesn't want me at home, my wife. I hurt her, and I deserve all the pain and guilt I feel right now."

Tobias's heart aches for the way he spoke to Tris, the words he said. The words he didn't say. Tobias's heart aches for the way he treated her, blaming her for everything wrong when he should've owned up for his own doing. Tobias's heart aches for he promised he would never hurt Tris, ever again. And yet... like every promise he ever made... he broke it.

How is he supposed to face the woman he loves, and his baby girl, knowing he broke a promise he swore he would never break? How is he supposed to forgive himself? How is he supposed to make this right again?

A/N: Shorter chapter, but I like the writing for this chapter actually. I hope although the length is short, that you guys enjoy this chapter!