From Here On Out

thirty four

"First I start looking at your picture, that's how it all began"

Two and A Half Years Ago

"Let me take you," Tris pleads, as Tobias loads his single duffel bag into his truck. "please."

Slamming the door shut, Tobias turns to look at her now, noticing the redness around her eyes and the way fear and panic are spread across her face.

"Why?" He snaps at her.

"Because," She takes a deep breath, hoping that what she says next is not gasoline she's going to toss onto the fire. "I don't think you'll make it there if you drive yourself."

Tobias stares angrily at her, but slowly his eyes soften in realization. That she's right.

"Why are you doing this for me, huh?" Tobias asks her, his voice cracking slightly in vulnerability.

Taking a step towards him, Tris reaches for his hand. "I'm doing this Tobias, because you need help. You've never had a chance to get better, and right now I'm giving you that chance and I need you to take it because I--"

"You what?"

Letting out a shaky sigh, Tris looks up through her eyelashes to meet his heavy gaze down on her. "I love you."

It was the first time the words had been said, by either of them. Tobias thought them every single day, but Tris was the first to say them out loud.

"I want to help you, because I love you."

|    |    |    |

Present Day 

As another month became two, April had come and almost gone. The windows letting in the cool breeze of approaching May as Tobias holds Tris in arms as they sleep soundly beside each other in bed.

The last day of April one of warmth and sunshine and not April showers thankfully. The night is calm; one with tiny stars sprinkled in the sky and the moon shinning bright in the shape of a crescent. The only noise is that of the wind blowing the bloomed trees outside, that is till a whimpering awakes Tobias.

Looking around the room, Tobias begins to wonder if he imagined the noise but when he feels Tris begin to shake in his grasp he realizes it's her.

Her face is contorted in distress, and her nails dig into his hand that holds her waist.

"Tris." Tobias whispers softly into her ear.

Nothing. As her body shakes once more, he removes his loving hold on her and grasps her shoulders.

"Tris, baby," He says louder this time. "wake up."

"Tris, wake up!"

With a sudden jolt, Tris's eyes flash open. And her usually peace filled blue-grey eyes are now swimming with fear and fresh tears. The water glistening against the blue of her eyes like a lake with the light of the moon.

"Hey, I'm right here. Just a bad dre--" His soothing words are cut off by her arms wrapping tightly around his neck and bringing him down closer to her.

She's warm; a scared just woke from a nightmare sweating kind of warm. And she still shakes slightly, as if she's freezing.

Tobias holds her, because he knows more than words this is what she needs from him right now. So holding her close and tight he does, listening to her thumping heart beat simmer down after minutes of deep breaths and reality flooding back to her.

"You okay now?" Tobias whispers, running his hands gently through her long honey blonde locks. Tris had been talking about getting it cut, and he couldn't quite imagine her without her long hair falling over her shoulders.

"Yes." She breathes out, her voice almost unheard it's so soft.

"You want to talk about it?" Tobias asks, as she presses her back farther against his chest.

Tris stays quiet for a moment, before opening her mouth to speak.

"Our relationship has always been one thing after another, even when we were just starting out. It was just been one hard or emotional thing after another." Tris begins, her voice returning to her usual volume, but emotion still fills each word she says.

"And I feel through everything, I still haven't processed all the times I've almost lost you." Those words hit Tobias like a ton of bricks.

All the times I've almost lost you.

"Baby--"

"No, I know. I left and losing you then... was on me. Even though we've put that part of our past to rest, the guilt will always be there Tobias."

"But I almost lost you that first September together, when I took you to rehab for the first time... when I knew how bad you were... I thought for sure I was going to lose you to you addiction. For me it was just a waiting game," Tris cries, and Tobias feels the knives stabbing his heart as her vulnerability tears him apart.

"And then the next rehab stay and the one after that... each time waiting till I finally hit my breaking point or they told me you were dead."

"The times I'd wake up beside you, or come find you in a separate bedroom passed out drunk... thinking you had died on me." Now tears cascade down Tris's cheeks, as everything she'd been holding in for the past four years were crashing down on her.

"Time after time I've almost lost you, and I can't bare to lose you Tobias." Turning in his arms, she looks him deep in the eyes. Sharing the same tears and pain in their hearts, they stare two people so undeniably in love with each other.

"I love you too much to lose you, it'll kill me." She whispers as Tobias reaches his hand up to cup her face.

"I'm not going anywhere, this is where I'm supposed to be. Here. With you. And all that baggage, all the pain we've been through... we're still learning where to store it." Tobias tells her, not taking his eyes off her beautiful face.

"But you will not lose me anymore, to anything, that I promise you."

A/N: Another filler chapter, but I thought one with good FourTris feels!