One Day, Maybe. #NewAdult

Ch 6. Baby Making

       So I wasn't pregnant, that was a thing I hadn't expected to see on the pregnancy test. I was so focus on imagining what a positive result would mean for our family that I hadn't thought of the possibility of it being negative.

         So now what?

         I looked down at the pregnancy test again and noticed the writing flashing at me. Not pregnant. I shook my head and felt like laughing. Not because I found my not being actually pregnant funny, but because I knew that it was either that or start bawling my eyes out. So I started laughing, my eyes closed, I pinched my nose and took a deep breath before letting a sigh out. The second I opened my eyes, a tear hit my cheek.

        Shit. I grabbed a kleenex and wiped away at my tears. This whole thing was complete shit. I knew I shouldn't have high expectations but I also didn't think that I wouldn't be pregnant. Everything that was happening to me was pointing at that.

         I didn't think I was making it all up, why would I? I hadn't even thought of being pregnant until all those symptoms started to manifest themselves. But now, now that just the thought of carrying James' child gave me the greatest pleasure, I found myself unable to wrap my brain around the idea that it had all been a lie, my mind playing a dirty trick on me, and I fell right through that trap.

          So now what?

          I shook my head, another tear fell, then another, then another. Things were starting to become blurry around me, I kept wiping my face, still sat on the toilet. I felt empty, like there was a void inside of me of something that was never there to begin with.

           There was a knock on the door. I lifted my head and stared straight ahead. James was behind that door waiting for me, I knew that. I wasn't sure how long I had been locked in the bathroom for, but I knew it was long enough for him to come get me.

          Another knock, then his voice called out to me. "Babe, are you alright? You've been in there for quite some time now?"

          I got up and threw the pregnancy test in the trash can before washing my hands and face, then brushing my teeth in the sink. I took a second to stare at myself in the mirror, nothing out of the ordinary, but I knew better. I smiled, walked up to the door and opened it to find James back on the bed.

           "What took you so long?" He asked, lifting the cover to let me in the bed. I smiled and took the rest of my clothes off before joining him. The bed was warm, his body warmer. I moved closer to him, pressing my naked body to his, and holding on tight. Skin to skin, and nothing else.

           I buried my face in his torso and inhaled deeply, his scent so familiar, intoxicating. I tightened my grip on him and pulled him in, wanting to be so close that breathing would be optional. And he let me. James laid there and let me do what I needed, which was having him so close to me that it would almost be impossible to descern where he stopped and I began.

         There was a need inside me that he alone could fill, which was why I started rubbing all over him, kissing every inch of his body while I pulled myself up and searched frantically for his mouth until our lips met in a hard kiss. Teeth clashing, lips biting, heavy breathing. I wanted all of him, needed all of him and more.

         And when pressing my body to his didn't give me the effect that I was searching for, I climbed on top of him, still kissing him. At some point, I tasted blood, his blood because I knew I had bitten him. I whimpered, wanting so much more and getting frustrated and that was when he groaned and before I could even blink, my back was on the bed with him on top of me, caging me. He held my hands above my head. I writhed in frustration, more whimpers.