One Day, Maybe. #NewAdult

Ch7. The Unknown Stranger

         When Darcy told me that we were going to Alabama to spend the weekend with his mother, I had to admit that I was pretty surprised, especially because we had gotten back from Paris only a month prior, and had only been two weeks since the weekend we spent in Switzerland. But when he told me that his mother had wanted us to come because she had something important and urgent to share with us, my surprise had turned into curiosity.

           I had wanted to know what was so important and urgent that couldn't be said over the phone, or wait a few weeks longer, since we had planned a visit back to Alabama in a month, which made me think that maybe she hadn't wanted James to know just yet. Maybe it was surprise to him since his birthday was only two weeks away, but it didn't mean that she would feel the same towards me. I could keep a secret, at least I thought I could.

          So with that in mind, I waited until James was fast asleep and snuck out of the bed and onto the balcony to call her, half expecting her to shut me down, which she in fact did, telling me to simply "go to bed and I'll see you this weekend." As if knowing me, I would ever be able to function at all until Friday, which wasn't good because I was a NICU nurse and needed to be alert and focus at all times.

         Fast forward to friday and here we were, traveling many hours to Alabama with a sick Sebastian who unfortunately had caught a cold and had been fussy for two days, barely wanting to leave my arms or my side, so leaving him behind was less than impossible.

         Thankfully enough, the plane ride wasn't horrible and Sebastian had been nice enough to want to be held by James so that I could catch those few hours of sleep without being much disturbed, seeing as I had stayed up all night with a sick, fussy, and super cranky kid. Those really were the days when I had to go back on my decision to have a baby with James.

        I had taken on the role of "mommy" to Sebastian when he was only a few months old of my own free will, so I've been all that he's known and I was fine with that, if it meant that he wouldn't know that his mother was a crazy bitch who put him in harm's way. Taking care of Sebastian had put a lot of things, like what it really took to care for a child, into prospective for me. And while it was rewarding, it was also really fucking hard.

           You definitely had days when everything went right and you thought you were super mom. And then, there were days when everything that could possibly go wrong was going wrong. That was when you doubted yourself the most and kept asking yourself, "What the fuck am I doing? I'm ruining this child and his life and can I really do this?" Again, that shit was hard, but at the end of the day, it was fulfilling and amazing in the most difficult of ways. But he was mine, for better and worse,  and we even had adoption papers to prove that. It was my way of paying back for not letting my baby live.

           By the time we arrived and I had to wake up and get off the plane, I realized that those few hours weren't nearly enough time to satisfy me. I was still tired which in a way was great because then I could sleep while James drove the forty five minutes it took to get from Mobile Airport to his small town of Fairhope.

          Because of the fact that we had come to visit at least four times since James and I had gotten back together because his mother hated traveling, I had become quite accustomed to the small town, which reminded me a little of my own back in Texas. It also truly helped that we didn't have to deal with Jemma who James had told me had moved to Maine, according to her little sister. He said he liked to keep tabs on her every now and again to make sure she didn't attempt to come in contact with Sebastian. I didn't know if Jemma knew of the role I was now playing in the kid's life, but I also didn't care.