One Day, Maybe. #NewAdult

Ch.37: A Mother's Daughter

*Unedited*

           "She's dying."

       "I'm sorry?" I looked back at James who had followed me inside our home, if you could even call it that. He hadn't been living with us for what felt like an eternity, the loneliness that came with those first few months were paralyzing. But now, I have gotten used to the fact that it is just me, Sebastian and soon, baby girl. And maybe that was okay.

          James was standing near the elevator as if he didn't know if he could come in any further. This, I realized, was who we had become. We were once so close that sometimes it was hard to figure out where he ended and I began. Only a few months ago, we were so madly in love with each other that we made a baby to showcase that love to the whole world. But now, our interactions ressemble that of complete strangers.

        "Sarah is dying of cancer. That's why she came back and that is why she is living with me. I asked her to move in with me because she is the mother of my child and I want her to spend the rest of the time she has here with Ella while navigating through all these changes that are about to happen in her little life."

        I don't know how long I stood there for. It could have been a minute or one hundred hours. I didn't know how to feel or how to respond to this big of a bombshell because I wasn't even certain I heard what he said.

         "What do you mean she's dying of cancer? You can't say shit like that, James. It's not fucking funny."

        "I wish it were a joke. I wish all of this was a joke." He took a few steps in my direction,  I shook my head no and took a few steps back.

      "You can't fucking do this, James." My voice broke, the weight of what he had just told me crushing  me. I didn't even realize until I felt his arms wrapped around me, that he had moved closer to me. I let my head fall on his chest as he held me as tight as he could.

      I wasn't crying for Sarah, though the situation was terrible and no one should have to go through something like this. What broke me was knowing a little girl was about to lose her mother and no matter how hard James tries to keep Sarah's memory alive for Ella, this little girl will grow up without her mother. That, was the reason why I was crying. I was not only crying for what this little girl was losing, but because I know how hollow the pain can feel. I know how much the loss eats at you.  Then there was my own daughter, imagining not being there for her. I could only feel for Sarah. That was what broke my heart.

        I took a long breath before detaching myself from James. "I need to see her."

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        "I hope you understand that I didn't plan for things to go this way. I just wanted my daughter to have someone who will love her enough that my absence won't be as crushing." Sarah said before taking a sip of her tea. I must say that I wasn't entirely sure what I even wanted to say or why I was even there, but I knew that we needed to actually talk and now seemed as good a time as ever.

        "She's 2 years old. Were you planning on ever telling James about her, if not for your cancer?" I asked, pushing the nagging feeling in the back of my head that told me that maybe I had gone a little too far with  this question. She and I weren't friends and if things different, meaning if she wasn't dying, I would have asked those same questions.

        "I was going to, I'm sure I was at some point. But to tell you the truth, I fell in love with an amazing man six months into my pregnancy. Things went fast and he was okay raising my baby as if she were his own." She said, the pain in her words did not go unnoticed.