One Day, Maybe. #NewAdult

Ch.23: Ella Paisley Darcy

**SOMEWHAT EDITED**

James' POV

         There were things that I needed to wrap my brain around. Things like what was happening to my mother, things like Charlotte being pregnant, things like Jemma wanting to ruin everything I had worked so hard to build, such as my relationship with Charlotte and the life we had made for ourselves.

        Then there was Sarah.

         Then there was Ella. Beautiful, Ella Paisley Darcy.

         My daughter.

          My flesh and blood. A small and oh so wonderfully perfect replica of me.

         Nothing had ever been easy for me and in a way, I don't think I would have wanted it any other way. I am the person that I am because of all those things. I've gotten to where I was because things had never come easy and that pushed me to want more out of life.

         But there were certain things, that even if I tried, I could have never been able to see coming or to control.

         To say I was surprised when Sarah contacted me a few months ago would be the understatement of the century. The last time she and I had talked was the day we broke up. The day I had gone to Charlotte and begged her to take me back. The day that would forever be ingrained in me.

    That was three years ago.

         Not that we had separated on horrible terms, but it wasn't butterflies and rainbows either. Deep down, I was certain she knew that I would end up going back to Charlotte. I think she herself didn't even think the relationship we had would have lasted as long as it did.

          It wasn't all bad. We had a good relationship...for what it really was. After the whole ordeal with Charlotte I took the time to take a good look at my life and I found myself not liking the person that I was. This had never happened before. I had always thought that I knew myself, then Charlotte came along and things started to fall apart and crumble. Pieces of myself started to break off and I was left standing in front of a man I had tried hard not to know...someone different than the Darcy that I had let myself be the second I left my past in Alabama.

         Sarah knew. She knew that I was likely going to try and get Charlotte back even if it took an eternity and a half. She knew going into this relationship with me that it was a way for me to better myself. She knew that I could only go after Charlotte if I were able to be in a committed relationship and somehow succeed.

          She knew it all and yet she was okay with it. She stayed.

         We didn't leave things on bad terms but along the way of the year we've spent together as a legitimate couple, she must have forgotten. And though I must admit that I hadn't thought much of the effect the break up must have had on her, it couldn't have been easy I'm sure, even though she made it seem as though it were. She didn't make a scene, she didn't cry, she didn't seem upset.

         In fact, while she sat across from me that day in the apartment I had been renting for her while she stayed in New York, I realize now that her face was blank...no emotions shown and no feelings expressed.

         I had never thought about it again until this moment. Now, thinking about it, I wondered if she already knew that she was pregnant when I ended things and decided not to speak of it. I wondered if she did that out of spite. What else could it have been?

        The pregnancy was never planned as we had made sure to always be careful as to never be faced with an unplanned pregnancy. She was on the pill and we used condoms...except that one fateful night...like some many others before that when I found myself sitting in my SUV across the street from Charlotte's building. Watching, just watching while waiting to get a glance of her as she walked in and out. That had become some sort of ritual that happened every once in awhile when being away from her became unbearable.

           I knew her schedule and memorized it, thanks to Ghost who also made sure to let me know he didn't necessarily like spying on her. But as long as he worked for me, as long as I was paying him handsomely, I didn't much care for his feelings on the subject.

          So what if I chased and scared away almost all of the men who dared coming on to her? She was mine and no one could have her. And sometimes, when you loved something or someone this insanely much, you had to make decisions and take actions that not most people would agree with.

        I had never been one to do things by the books. You touch what's mine and I break your nose. Simple as that. And Charlotte, she was mine so I had to break a few noses and bribe a few people to keep her that way. But that alone was worth it.

           The only thing with that was that they were just so many noses I could break and so many people I could bribe before one slipped through the cracks. And as I sat in my SUV that night and watched as she was helped out of a cab by someone I would have given my arms away just to never have them together; Someone I knew meant much more to her than the ones who had attempted to have a spot in her life; the someone named Chris whom as she got out of the vehicle, stumbling happily and laughing out loud, leaned towards to kiss passionately, it took all there was in me not to get out and run towards him to split his skull open.

Sarah was waiting at my place that night. And from there came Ella.

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"Fuckkkkkkk!" I was hitting my steering wheel repeatedly to do away with my frustration, making my horns blare out angrily in the otherwise silent parking.

A few seconds needed to calm down and be collected before I turned off the engine of the vehicle and got out. There was a storm brewing near by and it was coming faster than I could run.

I would never be able to escape so all I could hope was that it didn't swallow me whole and take away the most important thing in my life. I could do away with my life. What I couldn't do away with was what made life livable; the most important thing in it. You take from me and all that would be left is a shell of a person. A person who had once been.

The one thing I woke up every morning to and still couldn't believe is mine.

Her.

Charlotte.

My entire life.

I stepped into the elevator and scanned the key. And as the elevator started moving up, I felt the little organ that would not stop beating frantically, drop down. Then the elevator opened to this place I knew so well. The place that always smelled of snickerdoodle cookies because those were her favorite.

I took a deep breath, I heard some loud giggles coming from around the corner in the kitchen, I heard her beautiful laugh as she called out Sebastian's name in a furry of laughter. I came around and found her kneeling on the floor in front of Sebastian while she cleaned something off his shirt, both laughing hysterically, a batch of newly baked cookies sitting on the island.

Warmth, so much warmth. She looked up, her eyes meeting mine, and in that second, that smile she was sporting got bigger and that was just for me because it's always been this way. This was what I looked forward to everyday of my life now, I realized.

"Welcome home, baby." She said as she finally let go of Sebastian and got up to greet me. "I made cookies." Her arms around my neck as she lifted herself slightly on her tippy toes. Then came the kiss. How much I love that kiss.

I searched for her belly and rested my hand there. Just for courage and just...feel. I let out a breath.

Her forehead on mine, her eyes closed. I breathed her in and my heart broke. She will hate me. I'm going to break her heart and she will never forgive me. She opened her eyes then, that soft smile never leaving her face. She's so beautiful.

I'm a fucking bastard for what I'm about to do.

"Charlotte, I have a daughter."

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