The shade of werewolf

32: feel

    "I wanted to tell you earlier," he says softly, cupping my cheek in his hand. "I don't know why I didn't. I couldn't bring myself to tell you after what happened earlier, I just didn't want you to think I only said that because I got with you." He sighs.

"I guess I was just afraid to tell you- because I haven't said I love you in such a long time-" Calvin explains, but I cut him short. He's nervous. I may not be able to shift, or tell what he's thinking, but anyone that knows Calvin knows he isn't one to get nervous. So when he does, it's as obvious as a sunflower in a patch of daisies.

My heart swells with joy over his confession. I had been aching to hear him tell me this, but I didn't expect him to ever say it this soon. He hasn't had a chance to really connect with anyone for years. I know he has to be afraid of letting emotions in. He's lost everything that he loves, and I know that he's afraid of losing anything else. He has told me time and time again that once he changes me, I can't get close to anyone.

I don't know what it's like, but I can imagine being alone like that is something that isn't pleasurable. "You don't have to explain to me, Cal." I smile, inching my face closer to his, "I love you." I say just before connecting my lips to his. He lets out a relived breath and kisses me back before pulling away.

"I knew that I cared about you before you left for awhile. It was as soon as I woke up alone that I realized how much you mean to me, Gray." Cal sighs and lays on his side to face me. "It physically hurt thinking that you might not want to come back- and you'd move on." He furrows his eyebrows. Calvin looks like he has just gone deep into thought, and all I can do is run my fingers through the stubble on his cheek.

"Before I lost you," Calvin sighs, "the ache for you was only sex." He admits. I swallow, hard at the cold truth. I cannot deny it. That's what our wolves wanted, but we didn't give it to them. "But now," he breaks eye contact with me and glances around. "It's so much more than that, Gray." His voice cracks. "I want you. Not what you can do to me. I want your smart-elic replies, and your opinions on things. I only want to make you happy, even if it may not be what I want. You're all I've been needing for the past hundred years of my life, and now that I have you, I'm going to do everything I can to make sure that you're safe, and happy, and loved like you should be, Gray." His lips press against my forehead and I shut my eyes.

  I'm at a complete loss of words. Cupping his cheeks, I lead his mouth towards mine and we share a gentle kiss. Before anything happens, Cal pulls away. It's like the entire world has faded around us. Calvin's eyes bare into mine, as he silently reads me. Drinking me in.

"Will you tell me a story?" I ask, looking up at him with desperate eyes. I don't want to hear about Cinderella, or little red riding hood. I want to hear a story. Something real. Something entirely seen through his eyes.

He looks at me and he hesitates. Calvin has hardly opened up to me about his life. He knows that's exactly what I want in his story. I want to learn more about him, and maybe one day even be in one of his stories. "I don't exactly have any that you'd enjoy hearing, babydoll."

"The thing about love is, you take the imperfections with the perfection, Cal." I whisper. "I want to know you." I ache for a little information regarding his life before I met him.

Calvin sighs in defeat. "Fine." He presses a kiss against my nose and I feel his large hand rest against my side.

"In late 1801, A wealthy man by the name of James A Harris left southern Texas and traveled up north and into Missouri." His voice is like silk, and I rest my head against his chest and listen to what he has to tell me.