STEEL (The Aurum Trilogy Book 1)

Chapter 10

TEN

Lauren

I had to stop myself from falling for him.

Jonathan and I were lines, drawn by different pencils, formed by different hands. He was a smooth and straight line, one without curves or jagged edges, a line that was almost perfect, a line you would be sure enough to infinitely extend. I was a much different line. I wasn't perfectly straight. I'd been redrawn many times and my different strokes overlapped one another. I had rough texture, sharp edges and drawn by a sloppy hand but somehow, someway we had met at some point. We were no longer parallel lines, we were intersecting lines-crossed at one point but never meant to meet again. That's what I needed us to be. I needed us to never meet again.

But as hard as I try to resist, I couldn't deny that the urge was still there. Something inside me wanted his lips locked with mine, his hands fidgeting with my hair, the taste of his tongue as he started to take in the whole of me. He was right. I had lost myself in him. I wasn't the tough, indurated Lauren Steel that I had built over the years. All along I was in control of my emotions, trying my best to get my head in the game all the time, doing my best to be careful. All along I built up walls around me to protect myself from the possible hurt and pain this sadistic world had to offer only to be torn down by somebody I detested, somebody I should be detesting, someone I shouldn't be falling in love with.

The sudden thought of him was enough to send my heart skipping beats. I walked faster, hoping I would get to Division 38 as fast as I could. I put a finger on my lips and began touching it, feeling it, remembering it when a small voice in my head reminded me to stop thinking about it and a sudden flashback of my attack in front of him a while ago appeared at the back of my mind. I was lying on the ground with Jonathan's arms around me, his muscles tensing, his face confused and puzzled. My head was pressed against his chest and my breath lingering near his neck. My hand was clutching his shirt as I muttered about the pain. He already knew about the syringes despite the warnings Mom told me to never expose the truth about it. He already knew that I was sick and no one except my parents and Zac knew about it. I wasn't even sure if I could trust Jonathan as much as he trusted me. A few moments ago he had called me a monster. Right now, he was telling me that he had felt something for me and offering me a chance to get away from The Control-something we both so eagerly wanted. But I have to remind myself that he was the one responsible for my attack. I had to remind myself that it was too dangerous. I had to remind myself that the attack I had experienced in front of Jonathan was just as worst as the one I had in the forest back in Division 36, when we parted ways. The pain was excruciating but I knew it was coming. When I was kissing him, it was true; I felt a surge of emotions rushing through my veins, corrupting my heart and entering my brain. As he was pressing his lips against mine, I had difficulty breathing but I fended away the warnings to stop. I fought off the cautions that it would grow worse and the signs that I would be under an attack in no time. But the feeling was great. I felt my heart flutter in my chest like a hummingbird’s wings. I have never kissed a boy before. Jonathan may have kissed a lot of girls back in Division 1 but I felt that this kiss was different. I couldn’t explain it. I just knew it and I was captivated by it. When I was kissing him, I had felt pain but I was strong enough to fight it, without the antidote. I was strong enough to stop it. I was strong enough to actually withhold it.

We can run away. We can live a life on our own. We can abandon them and let them burn. His words circled around my head, repeating over and over again. Think of it, I could take my chances and run away with him. I could leave my parents under the care of somebody I could trust. Trust. I no longer knew who to trust. I was betrayed once, I can’t let somebody do it again. I cannot trust anyone. I could probably take them with me. I could accept Jonathan's offer and live a life of hiding wrapped around in his arms but I pushed the thoughts away as far as I can, keeping them in a box and closing its lid. I cannot run away no matter how bad I wanted to. I had to destroy The Hawk. I had to stop The Alliance.