STEEL (The Aurum Trilogy Book 1)

Chapter 42

FORTY TWO

Jonathan

So why don't you stay for now and pretend as if we're just friends?

Those words repeated and echoed itself all over again in my mind.

I stood on Aurum's glowing shore line, the wind whipping past my face and the moonlight casting a glow over me. Lauren's mansion was close by and in sight but I knew she wasn't there. She was in the hospital because of some condition she won't tell me, a condition that she didn't know much about.

I exasperatedly ran a hand through my hair, yanking some of it strands and shut my eyes. Oh, Lauren. Why do you have to go all through this?

I knew I wasn't talking about the physical pain she was feeling. I was talking about the pain she was going through because she loved me and I loved her back. I was talking about how I made the stupid mistake of marrying Lilith in order to give her the life that she wanted and she desired. I was torn inside out. I didn't want Lauren to die. I wanted to keep her safe from everything that would try to hurt and destroy her in this world but I hadn't realized that in protecting Lauren, I have become the one who would shatter her into pieces and break her apart. Instead of protecting her, I hurt her.

I picked up a small rock and tossed it towards the open sea, watching it create ripples as it hit the water and sank. I threw another one, the distance even going further.

I felt tears spring from my eyes and roll down my cheeks. I crashed down the sand, settling down and burying my face deep in my arms. My thoughts were filled with Lauren-her smile, her eyes, her laughter, her face,every single detail, ever magical thing about her. I was overflowing with thoughts of her and the fact that I could never have her welled up within me. We could never become more than this.

The waves crashed on the shore, washing up electric blue phytoplankton right beneath my feet. I remembered seeing Lauren here, running off to the shore to witness what wonder it held for her eyes. It was clearly her first time based on her expression. I had laughed when she opened her arms wide and tilted her head up the sky, smiling crazily. I just watched her in the background without her even noticing. Her stiff warrior facade slowly disappeared and it was replaced by a childish affection towards beautiful things like these.

I remembered kissing her on this very shore. I remembered her arms wrapped around my neck and her lips pressed against mine. I remembered the taste of her, the scent of her, the way her slender fingers would come up to the slight curls of my hair, the way her touch sent electric shocks all over me, the way her fragile figure fit in my brawny arms as if she were something breakable, something that would shatter too easily. I remembered her saying that she loves me and when she did so, I've never been happier in my entire existence. I remembered the two of us, holding hands and waiting for the sunrise, her head leaning against my shoulder. I remember telling Lauren a story only to find out that she had fallen asleep a few moments before the sun even begun to rise. And when the golden disc rose up from the horizon, it cast a magical glow on her sleeping and peaceful face and the sky exploded into different shades of yellow, orange, white, gray and blue. I remembered carrying her like the way I did when she sprained her ankle, all the way to her room, tucking her under those sheets and watching her sleep. I watched her give out little puffs with her soft cheek leaning against the pillow. Indeed, she was more beautiful than the sunrise itself.

We couldn’t pretend to be just friends like the way she wanted to put it. She knows that. I told myself that after the wedding, I’d distance myself away from her and as much as possible, avoid any contact with her. But when I saw her again, I couldn’t help but keep on loving her even though it was implausible, even if it was clearly something that wasn’t meant to be.