STEEL (The Aurum Trilogy Book 1)

Chapter 39

THIRTHY NINE

Lauren

"Lauren!" A voice called from behind me. I deciphered it and realized it belonged to a young girl. I pressed my palms harder against the cold, hard marble gilded with gold trimmings, not wanting to leave, not wanting to go back to the party, not wanting attention, not wanting to see Jonathan again.

"Lauren." The voice repeatedly and I spun around to see Coeline in her beautiful purple gown and curly raven hair.

"Yes?" I answered, fighting back the heavy feeling in my chest. I just conquered another attack and it was as painful than the ones I've had when Jonathan came along. I could feel my skin creeping its way out of my crushing bones and melting joints. My heart was slowing down and my lungs were being deprive of oxygen. My vision was flickering and the images around me slowly blurred and sucked in at one point. I felt a splitting headache which caused me to stumble down the floor and start shivering. I tasted blood in my mouth and realized I bit my cheek. I didn't know how I managed to fight it off. I just kept thinking about what my mother told me that I am much stronger than I think I am. I passed out for a short while till I finally awoke and crawled my way back up again. Good thing nobody was here and no one saw my faltering moment.

"Lauren, they need you back there." Coeline told me, a look of anxiety crossing her face.

"In a moment, okay?" I turned back to the balcony and tilted my head up, looking at the full moon looming above us, its haunting and mysterious glow glistening against the darkest shadows. Stars were scattered above us making the night sky beautiful and out of the ordinary.

"Lauren," Coeline called out again. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." I replied, my voice coming out as a cry. I felt moisture well up in my eyes and I tried hard not to shed them. First of all, I thought of my makeup and my appearance which is completely surprising. I never really cared about how I looked. I never even wore makeup but right now my appearance mattered. I didn't want to look like someone who has gone to a funeral and not to a party when I face my audience. President Knoxx had told me that he needed me when he would be giving out his speech. Second, I didn't want to let anybody see me cry. Crying is a sign of weakness and I am definitely not weak. I will no longer shed my tears for the same boy all over again. I was done with this. Even if we both felt the same, we could never be and that was it.

I searched my chest for the familiar chain of my mother's necklace, only to find out that I had left it behind in the mansion. I cussed myself and felt my tears streaming down my face, smudging my mascara.

"Is it because of him?" Coeline pried on curiously.

I didn't respond. Instead, I broke down all over again, feeling weaker than ever. My shoulders were heaving as I sobbed and pressed my palms on my eyes trying to stop the tears from leaking. I crouched down the balcony railing, my elbow hitting the cold, marble stone. All of a sudden, I felt Coeline's arms wrap around me, clutching me tight like I was her sister. The warmth of her embrace was helping me get through. My head begun to spin and I was having difficulty breathing but I ignored it, clenching my fists and digging my nails deep down my skin. I was fighting it and more than that, Coeline was helping.

"I'm not weak." I chanted all over again, trying to make myself believe that I'm a strong person, that I was made with a heart of stainless steel itself.

Pain shot up through my limbs and I was shaking. I could feel Coeline's arms tense around me as I slowly faced her. I was biting my lip so hard that I tasted blood in my tongue.