Reckless Entitlement

Chapter 29: Maya

He loves me. Or at least he thinks he does.

My emotions have ranged from shock to disbelief back to shock and then to denial.

Shortly after Nick left I sat on my living room floor trying to catch my breath. It felt like my whole chest was collapsing in on itself.

How can he possibly know that he loves me?

I mean, sure, we're together a lot, but most of that time is spent with me being a sarcastic asshole or fussing with him about some of his unhealthy habits. How can he be in love with someone like that?

I don't even know what being in love feels like?

Sure I love things, like my friends, Charlie, bread, movies, music, but it's not the same. The love I have for those things is not the same as the love Nick has for me, I'm sure of it. I wish I could understand what made him think that he loves me so I can know if what I feel for him is the same.

I'm happy when we're together, and when he's around I feel all giddy and stuff. And I could talk to him for hours without getting bored or annoyed with him. He's considerate and so sweet to Charlie, but could I be in love with him so soon.

I rested my head on top of my knees, everything is moving so fast I can't seem to orient myself. I want to scream, but also cry. Why is he like this?

Why despite growing up in a parental shit storm, is he still so open and kind? It's infuriating.

We've only known each other a few months and he already knows everything about me. If anything he knows me too well.

He's too much good in one person.

His eyes are too blue, and his face is too handsome. He's too giving. And he makes me too happy.

He loves me too much.

I heard the patter of Charlie's feet against the living room floor. I lifted my head to see him staring at me.
"Hi," I said sadly, reaching out to pet him. But instead of letting me pet him like he normally would, he smacked my hand with his claws out.

Yanking my hand back, I exclaimed, "Ow! Charlie!"

He turned his head away from me, sauntering into his beloved cat tree.

There was a pronounced scratch on my left hand and it was bleeding a little. "Great," I huffed. I stood from the floor. "I don't know why you did that but I didn't appreciate it. And you won't be getting any treats from me, Charlie."

He didn't even pay me an ounce of attention keeping his back turned to me the whole time. Ugh, what a dick.

I trudged into the bathroom to get a bandaid. Sitting on the closed toilet seat, I began rifling through my small first aid kit to look for Neosporin and band-aids.

As I put a small amount of neosporin on my hand before the band-aid. Suddenly I felt tired and a sick feeling had started to form in my stomach.

Feeling sick, I went into my room and collapsed on the bed. Maybe he'll break up with me, and find someone who doesn't freak out when he proclaims his love for them.

Just the thought of him being with someone else filled me with misery. But I can't imagine him wanting to be with someone who can't tell them they love him.

Rolling over, I wrapping my arms around my stomach. At least if he dumps me I'll understand why. When I close my eyes I could still see his pain stricken face behind my lids. I did exactly what I didn't want to do, which was hurt him. Maybe it was inevitable, I don't think I have the capacity to love someone that way. At least I never have before.