Reckless Entitlement

Chapter 30: Nick

I'm not going to do it.

I am.

I'm not.

I am.

I shouldn't.

I argued with myself as I stared at myself in my bathroom mirror. A razor sat on the sink ready for me to use, but I was hesitant to begin shaving. My beard was starting to look less rugged and more unruly, especially with the dark circles under my eyes from my sleepless night last night. I would scare someone if they saw me right now.

I'm going to do it. I'm going to shave it off.

Grabbing the shaving cream, I spread the lather across my jaw. It was late afternoon, and I had only just gotten out of bed and showered. 'I know it was bad of me to skip school, but I couldn't get myself to go, so I laid in bed all day.

I couldn't stop thinking about her, that's nothing new, but I can't stop thinking about our...disagreement. I wanted to give her her space, but I also wanted to talk to her. I wanted to apologize if I scared her, I wanted to ask her how she was feeling, and I wanted to tell her that it was okay if she couldn't tell me how she felt.

She could always show me.

Some people don't always express their feelings with words, maybe Maya was one of those people. Maybe she could show me better than she could tell me that she loves me. Anything would be better than nothing.

Splashing my face with warm water, I rinsed the remaining lather and hair from my face. Resting my hands on the counter I stared at my reflection, I looked like me. The me I was before I met her. I don't like it.

"Fuck." Well, I can't take it back now, I'll just have to wait for it to grow out again.

Aggravated, I threw on some sweats and went downstairs to get something to eat. I didn't see anything I wanted, so I grabbed one of the many cans of Red Bull that sat at the bottom of my fridge. Maya would have gotten on to me if she saw me, but she wasn't here, so I popped the can open and took a giant gulp.

The carbonation burned on the way down. I haven't had one in weeks, I'd been drinking mostly water and juice lately. Maya says it's better for me.

I was almost finished with the can when my doorbell rang. I rolled my eyes, I did not feel like talking to anyone right now.

Whoever was at my door was not letting up on the bell.

"Oh my God, I'm coming!" Maybe I shouldn't sound so angry what if it's Maya.

I rubbed my hand over my jaw expecting to feel hair there but obviously there wasn't any. I opened the front door, only for it to be Sam and Marcus.

"Hey, you're beardless," Sam noticed coming in. They both still wore their East Chapel uniforms.

"I just shaved it," I said. I closed the door behind them.

"You weren't at school today," Marcus said, "I thought maybe you were sick or something."

"I'm not," I said sitting on the couch. "I just didn't feel like going."

Sam sat next to me on the couch. "You didn't miss anything. It was as boring as ever."

"Hey," Marcus nudged me. "You good? You looked depressed."

Because I am. "No, I am not good."

"What's up? Did something happen between you and Maya?" Sam asked.

I ran my hand over my face, groaning, "I told her I loved her, and she flipped out on me."

Marcus sat back. "Woah, was not expecting that."