Reckless Entitlement

Chapter 41: Maya

Nick says he isn't mad at me, but I know he is.

I understand why. I shouldn't have agreed to the dinner after he had already said no. I told him I didn't know why I said yes, but I think a part of me wanted to know more about his dad and if he's as awful as I thought he was.

Now I feel bad for being so selfish.

On his way out, Nick gave me a chaste kiss on the lips and told me he loved me before he headed to school, rather normal, but there was no smile and he didn't stay a little later to cuddle Charlie and to give me a few extra kisses. It was like he couldn't get away fast enough, and it's been bothering me all day.

But despite the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach about tonight. I still fretted over my outfit like I was going to dinner with the president (forty-four not forty-five). My room was a mess, clothes were scattered all over the floor and no drawer was left unscoured.

"What the hell am I going to wear?" I asked myself, hands on my head. The dinner was at his house, so I didn't need something too formal but I didn't want Nick's dad to think I was a slob.

Then as I sat in the middle of my bedroom floor a small voice in the back of my head asked, "Why do you care?"

And I couldn't come up with an answer. I don't know why I was so worried about what this man thought about me--he leaves his son alone for months at a time and doesn't care about it. He's not someone that I want to like me.

So I stopped.

I stopped caring about whether Ryan Ainsworth thought I was a slob, and instead I focused on what I felt good in and what I thought Nick would think I looked pretty in. Of course, he would think I looked pretty in an oversized t-shirt and sweatpants. He does think I look beautiful in an oversized t-shirt and sweatpants, he's told me so.

It was in that moment, that I knew what I was going to wear.

I found my bag of newly thrifted clothes and pulled out my new blue sweater and a black skirt that I had bought on a whim. Normally I didn't wear skirts. I didn't like how my thighs chafe when I wore them. But this skirt, I don't know, I just needed it.

No strange beading or weird prints, just rich black suede. I was shocked when I saw that it was in my size because not many things are and it was only five dollars so what did I really have to lose.

Once I picked out my outfit I instantly felt better.

Going back into my room, I found Charlie rolling around in a pile of clothes just having the time of his life.

"Charlie, you're going to get fur all over my clothes," I said looking down at him. He laid on his back stretching his with his little pot belly up in the air. "Aw," I sighed, he is the cutest. I looked at the time on the clock, it was two p.m, I still had a few hours until we had to meet for dinner, and an hour before Nick would be back.

I could spare a few minutes to play with Charlie.

****

I checked myself over in the mirror. Maybe I should put on some lipstick or something.

I don't even own any lipstick.

Chapstick would have to do. I adjusted the cobalt blue sweater so it fell slightly off my shoulder, I loved it. Thick and soft, it felt like I was wearing a blanket. I turned around and checked myself from the back, the skirt hit mid-thigh and hit high on my waist. I felt beautiful.

I had just pulled on my boots when there was a knock at the door. I knew it was Nick but a ball of nerves bounced around in the pit of my stomach.

My boots clicked against the hardwood floor as I went to the door. He must have forgotten his key otherwise he would have let himself in.