Lily Rose Styles

Chapter 22~ Not again

Lily's P.O.V.

After a long journey Harry turned into the drive way. As soon as the car stopped, I was out the car like a lightining.

I barged through the door, heading towards the steps.

"Hey Lily how did it-" I cut Louis of by running upstairs. I ran down the hallway into my room. I shut the door closed, and collapsed by the door frame.

Salty tears were already tracing rivers down my rosey cheeks. Flowing freely one by one.

I'm tired from all of this. I'm just so very tired. I'm tired of feeling my tears flowing down my own flesh. I'm tired of people being dissapointed in me. I'm tired from the hate I get. I'm just tired of life. But most of all I'm tired from being me. Me. Lily Rose. No one special. I was just born with no purpose. I'm wasting time. Everyones. Mine included.

I was drawn out from my thoughts as soon as a knock came from the other side of the door.

"w-what?" I asked to who ever was standing outside my room, due to the crying, my voice decided to break, obviously giving away to the person that I'm crying.

The door slowly opened and Harry's tall figure came into view. Obviously Harry would come in here. To comfort me and ask me why. And really, I don't want him. I don't need anyone. I'm perfect with myself. All by my self. I don't need pity or love, cause they usually just end up hurting you. So what's the point? What is the point of life? Go to school like what twenty years, then work until your sixtys. Yeah. What a fabulous life. Working our buts of. Oh yeah unlike Harry. All he does is sing songs and travels the world. To top all that he's filthy rich. Why do so many people work there buts of while he sit's on a plane and writes songs. This is one of my many reasons why life's unfair. I thought we are all equal. Guess not...

I was brought out of my thoughts when somebody tapped my shoulder. I picked my head up to see I have been thinking for quite awhile, as, all the other boys were now in MY room, with 'worry' plastered onto their faces.

I sighted knowing well where this will go. One word. Why. Why did you do it. All that crap. Like. Seriously guys. It's my life I do what I want, when I want. But no one understands that one little word.

"Lily" Liam said quietly and looking into my eyes as he said my name. I shifted my gaze to the floor. I can never look someone in the eyes. I would get punished. Well with dad. But. Still. You can never, and I mean, never trust a human being.

"Look Lily" Louis said trying to get my attention. You could hear him pleading and I knew that boy won't give up easily. And neither will I.

"Why Lily. Why would you do this to yourself" An Irish accent called out, aka Nialls. That only seemed to anmoy me even more. If I had lasers coming out of my eyes. I would defiently burn them with them. Not enough to kill them. But for them to feel the pain.

The blood was boiling inside of me and I felt like I was a ticking bomb and was going to go of soon. I just didn't know when.

I gave out a humorless laugh, confidence rising inside of me. It felt good.

"Did you really just ask me that?" I said sounding annoyed and angry. In all honestly. That's exaxtly what I was. Them boys drive me over the line.

They all looked at eachover thinking on how to proceed the next answer. However I'm not gonna let them speak this time. They need to know, for once, what I think of them and their stupid attitudes.

"You know what? No. Life isn't all this pretty whitty thing you make it out to be. Just cause you all are idols to many girls, and according to them you have saved their life, which I think is total crap, you are so oblivious to the world around you. LOOK AROUND. Life is a horrible place and we all should be ashamed were in it. I'm ashamed we have spoilt celebritys like you's and the murderes. Everything is fucked up. Life is a compelte lie. And you know what I find unfair? Is that you sit there having the most 'perfect life' while others work there buts of. What did you do to help other people huh?" I stopped taking in their expressions. There jaw was nearly hitting the ground while their eyes were as wide as 1 pound coins.

They all looked hurt, but to put that aside they look quite angry. They all were about to say something while I cut them of once again.

"And Harry. Your 'Directioners' would kill to be your sister, but you know what? I don't fit into that catogery. Your not even like a brother. Yeah I'll just sent here a text saying I miss you and love you once a month would do. Well no. Fuck your messages and calls because you wasen't here when I needed you most. You left. And with that you took away the family with you. You took everything. Yea you may have a perfect life but you made mine worse. How selfish is that huh? I hate you. I HATE  YOU ALL!" and with that I ran into my bathroom and shut the door close in the boys faces. I locked it making sure not a soul can get it.

I fell down to the floor and started crying like no tomorrow. The boys were banging on the door begging for me to open up, didn't phase me at all. I felt numb. I couldn't feel a thing. I felt dead.

The salty tears raced down my over heated cheeks, due to the screaming and shouting and from working myself up.

To be honest I felt a little bit of weight being pulled of my shoulder, I told them what I think of them. Once I started I couldn't stop. But I knew I had too. Otherwise I would of told them everything. Which would be no good.

Soon enough the urge to cut came into me. And I needed to release todays events out of me. They need to go.

I got up from the floor, and went over to my cupboard, I picked up my razors from my secret place, and headed over to the sink.

"Lily, please open up" I heard the boys shout. Once again I ignored them and went back doing my buisness.

I rolled my sleeves up not really looking at the scars, I tend to ignore them as they always remind me of bad memorise.

I looked up while slashing my skin open in one smooth slash. I bit my bottem lip as a shot of pain ran through my arm. I repeated the process several times, before dropping the blade to the floor. It echoed throughout the room, I stood still, mesmorized by it carefree sound.

I looked down onto my arm to see blood dripping from it and onto the floor. I cursed under my breath as I started cleaning up the mess I made.

Once I was satisfied with my cleaning job, I made sure with that my arm was clean too, I rolled my sleeve up, and slowly pulled the door handle down, opening the door to be met by darkness. I saw a sticky green note stuck to my door.

I picked it up and started reading it carefully.

We wen't for an interview be back in a few hours, we called your dad to keep you company, he should be over soon.

~the boys~

I finnish reading the note and my heart jumped into my throat. I was already shaking in fear.

"Here you are princess" A deep male voice said. I instantly was froze to the ground. My mind was telling me to run.But my legs planned otherwise. He kept on moving closer and I couldn't move. Tears were building up in my eyes. I swear if Harry didn't go to x factor none of this would have happened. He would be here protecting me.

Shivers ran up my spine as he was only a few feet away. Just by this distance I could already smell the Alcohol from him. Shivers ran through my spine as he took one final step inching towards me.