Perilous (Harry Styles)

chapter 28

"And being here without you is like I'm waking up to only half the blue sky. I'm kinda there, but not quite. I'm walking 'round with just one shoe. I'm half a heart without you."

– One Direction, Half a Heart

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He was gone.

After sitting on the bench, utterly dumbfounded, for a minute or maybe even five, I realized that he wasn't coming back.

With shaky legs, completely ignoring the fact that it was useless, I followed him to where he had disappeared between the two massive trees, his body long since out of my sight.

The leaves, so beautifully colorful, were still on the ground, showing no evidence that he had walked over them only a little while ago.

He couldn't be that far, and I had to keep looking. If I stopped, it would be over and he would be gone for good.

Time was lost on me as I pushed my feet through the rustling leaves in a weak attempt to find him. I wasn't sure if I was even moving forward, the park looked all the same.

I stumbled when I reached the trees, certain I would find him waiting there for me, behind them. A huge grin would lit up his face and he'd run to me and tell me that everything would be okay.

But my hopes were crashed when the sight of more trees and bushes met me, not even any footprints telling me that he really had been here mere minutes ago.

"Harry!" I called out, my voice echoing through the empty park. I was expecting a sign, maybe just a bird flying past me, but nothing happened. It seemed as time was frozen.

Continuing walking, I finally tripped over something. Probably a branch, possibly even a small rock. No matter what it was, I fell down, and I stayed down.

All strength left my body and rolled onto my side, only knowing that I had to keep breathing, or else I would surely faint, and maybe even die. I curled up on the leaves, for the first time noticing that they were damp, but not bothering to get up.

"Harry," I weakly called again, knowing that he wouldn't come back.

I didn't understand what was going on. What had I done to deserve this? Why was he breaking up with me, out of nowhere? Why?

As I lay there, I had the feeling that more time was passing than I realized. The sun started setting slowly, the days not as long as they used to be anymore.

The wet leaves were slowly starting to freeze my bare skin, but I couldn't care less. My mind was elsewhere, yet nowhere at all. I wanted to cry, but I couldn't.

Soon, the cold didn't bother me anymore. My body became numb, just as I was feeling on the inside.

I was lost in an unthinking bubble, holding with all my strength to the numbness. It kept me from realizing what my heart had already figured out. I didn't want to acknowledge the dark thoughts trying to evade my mind.

I started shivering, an uncomfortable horripilation settling on my skin.

Time was now completely lost on me, the sun had completely disappeared on the horizon. The sky wasn't completely black, a little light was still illuminating it, but I couldn't focus on it.

The night, the darkness that would completely swallow me, would come anyway. It felt like the little hope that was left in me were the last rays of sun that threatened to wholly disappear as soon as the night had settled over me.

My eyelids became heavier and heavier as more time passed. I didn't want to fall asleep on the ground in a park that was sketchy and mostly avoided, but my arms were numb when I tried to push myself up.